Freddy Flossisaurus

Tell me what I'm missing here, please.

Cheap stuffed puppet: $10.00

Fake dentures from gag shop: $5.00

Toothbrush: $1.00

Total cost of teaching device: $16.00, max. And that's paying retail!

So why does Freddy Flossisaurus cost $316.00 at this medical-supply site!?!

Cutting-Edge Research, Plus Older People Acting Up

News of the Weird Daily
Wednesday, December 31, 2008

"There was nothing sinister" about wrapping her in duct-tape and taking her across state lines
A 72-yr-old woman and her 76-yr-old boyfriend simply got tired of trying to convince her 86-yr-old sister to leave Pittsburgh and move in with them in Cleveland. (She was getting to need caretaking.) So they taped her up tight and drove her there. "Nothing sinister about it," said the kidnaptress's daughter. Pittsburgh Tribune-Review
Comments (5)

Upgrades to our knowledge, courtesy of higher-education
After a study of 1,500 kids, the Japanese Family Planning Ass'n said it's pretty confident now that it knows . . that kids' skipping breakfast is highly correlated with losing their virginity early. And British historian Richard Ender said he's got evidence that goes against conventional wisdom about the sinking of a warship in 1685, i.e., a candle caused an explosion from all the below-deck methane (from caca which 17th-century greens convinced them to stockpile rather than dump?). Reuters /// Daily Telegraph
Comments (4)

The art of coffee
To have the privilege of being employed by the Ladybug Organic Coffee Company of Portland, Ore., ya have to complete an extensive application, including answering 10 essay questions. The company over the years has hired 25 of 150 applicants. The competing Coffeehouse Northwest has no essay questions but does require a three-month training period to make sure, among other things, that the milk is steamed to perfection. New York Times
Comments (3)

More Things to Worry About Today

Guilty pleas start to come in from the, er, older women's prostitution ring (spread over 12 states, with13 defendants over age 50, 3 over 70). State Journal-Register (Springfield, Ill.)

Recurring Theme: This lawsuit says, if you OD on booze and drugs, and die, and you happen to be sitting in a company's car at the time, it's the company's fault that you're dead. Daily Herald (Arlington Heights, Ill.) [LINK CORRECTED]

Recurring Theme: Arrested, DUI, on a Zamboni. Maine Today

It's been No Longer Weird for years, but it still has a je ne sais quoi about it: He wrote his robbery note on his pay stub. Daily Herald (Arlington Heights, Ill.)

If your family name is Hunt, you have a higher duty to be decorous, to refrain from naming your son Michael ("Hello, yes, I'd like to speak to— . . .). Indianapolis Star

Comments on Things to Worry About?
Comments (14)

Your Daily Loser
The would-be robber got away, but there's good video on this one. He confronted a carwash employee, pulled out a gun, dropped it on the floor, picked it up (or, rather, picked up what were then both pieces of the gun), still insisted he wanted money, and made a move for a cash drawer. That's when the employee grabbed a 2000 psi pressure hose and blasted away. KGW-TV (Portland, Ore.)
Comments (4)

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Jose Raul Moreno-Lopez, Tampa, charged with tearing off some of his clothes in an apartment house parking lot and humping a tree. Tampa Tribune
Comments (10)

Your Daily Jury Duty I
["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
F-Stater Carla Maldonado, 40, stands accused of having sex with a dog, but c'mon, are they saying she couldn't entice any man she took a liking to? WOKV-TV (Jacksonville)
Comments (17)

Your Daily Jury Duty II
Stanley Carter, 21, was accused of stowing away for a few days in a family's attic near Wilkes-Barre, Pa., and descending from time to time to steal things before returning to his lair. Times Leader
Comments (6)

Today's Newsrangers: Charles Thompson, Keith Yearman, Scott Schrier, Brent Thompson, Rick Zehr, Tom Barker, Bruce Bixby, Paul Music, Steve Dunn

Ikea Vibrator

How to make an Ikea vibrator: 1) Remove the blender arm from the Melkklopper hand blender. 2) Remove the plastic knob from the Omsorg shoe horn and place it on the blender. 3) Insert Alkalist batteries into the blender.

This, and many other ideas, can be found at Hacking Ikea, which is dedicated to "the appropriation, adaptation and transformation of standard IKEA products."

The Something Store

Pay 'em $10, and they'll send you something.

"It may be something you need, something you want or something you desire." Or it may not be.

"Your something will most likely be brand new." Or maybe it'll be a used piece of junk.

Some of the things it definitely won't be: alcohol, body parts, cable descrambler, drugs, endangered species, miracle cure, pyrotechnic device, brass knuckles.

Hell, I'm going to undercut them. Pay me $9, and I'll send you something! It might be an empty box, or it might not be...

Kenner 1973 Toy Catalog, #2

The girl in the blue outfit in panel ten is one step away from an epileptic fit.

Dominic:  Lords of Satyr

I can't wait to rush out and purchase this scintillating tome.

Here's the publisher's description of book and author:

Synopsis

They are Satyrs, men endowed with legendary carnal knowledge who demand total and complete control with their sexual prowess.

A Night Of Bliss

Emma anxiously awaits her husband's return home to Tuscany on Calling night. She hopes that the night-long copulation will draw them closer together for she questions whether they truly love one another. But when Carlo arrives, injured in battle and unable to perform, she learns she must mate instead with Dominic, a lusty, royal Satyr. It is a night of hedonistic passion that leaves her wanting much, much more.

A Moment Of Rapture

Like other Satyr lords, Vincent is driven to mate from dusk to dawn every Calling night. But as a bachelor, Vincent must conjure a female from the mist who will satisfy his sexual needs. While his brothers summon a different partner with each full moon, Vincent calls upon the same one time after time. He wants her to experience the same erotic pleasure he feels and one night she does-the magic is real.

Biography

A museum junkie with a fascination for Greco-Roman artifacts, art historian Elizabeth Amber was inspired to write the Lords of Satyr series by her studies in ancient urns, frescoes, and amphorae decorated with lusting satyrs, maenads, and Bacchus (or Dionysus) celebrating the annual grape harvest. Elizabeth lives in North Carolina with two cats and a husband.

How to Ride a Train for Free

Popular Mechanics, Jan 1911, offers some tips on how to be a "hobo tourist":

Riding between cars -- dangerous


On the springs -- risky


The Blind Baggage Method -- a favorite


Under the Vestibule Door -- greatly in favor


On the pilot -- warm on a cold day.


Across a plank between the rods -- gritty and perilous

The Surprise Question

In medicine the "surprise question" has a specific meaning. It refers to when a doctor asks himself this question: "Would I be surprised if this patient died in the next year?"

A recent study published in the Clinical Journal of the American Society of Nephrology found that the surprise question has high predictive value. Doctors classified 147 dialysis patients into "yes" and "no" groups on the basis of the surprise question. (i.e. No, I wouldn't be surprised if they died.) Sure enough, the No group died within the next year at a rate 3.5 times higher than the Yes group.

Conclusion: "The 'surprise' question is effective in identifying sicker dialysis patients who have a high risk for early mortality and should receive priority for palliative care interventions."

Navrang

Two nights ago I watched the Bollywood spectacular titled NAVRANG. It's full of absolutely insanely over-the-top song-and-dance numbers, of which the following will serve as example.

Kenner 1973 Toy Catalog, #1

For the next seventeen days, we'll be featuring a different page from this 1973 comics insert, a catalog of groovy, goofball Kenner toys, with utterly cheapjack illustrations and asinine text.

I hope lots of folks of the proper age get a flash of powerful nostalgia. Myself, I was already in college when this advert ran.

All original content in posts is Copyright © 2008 by the author of the post, either Alex Boese ("Alex"), Paul Di Filippo ("Paul"), or Chuck Shepherd ("Chuck"). All rights reserved. The banner illustration at the top of this page is Copyright © 2008 by Rick Altergott.