News of the Weird/Pro Edition You're Still Not Cynical Enough
Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
August 15, 2011
(datelines August 6-August 13) (links correct as of August 15)
B-Team Americans Become A-Team Africans, Plus Bats' Rights and the Horror of Cleavage Wrinkles
★ ★ ★ ★!
I Was Just a New York State Bureaucrat, But Suddenly . . I Was . . Yeah, Prime Minister of Somalia! . . Yeah, That's the Ticket--Prime Minister of Somalia!: Cubicle-bound Transportation Department desk jockey Mohamed A. Mohamed of Buffalo is just back from a sabbatical in Somalia, where he was indeed the Prime Minister for nine months. He says he worked hard but that there was little he could do except get his picture taken with world leaders and avoid getting killed. He's back in Buffalo now. (And two other New Yorkers, Isaac and Elizabeth Osei, who run a maximum-stress 50-taxi company in the city, left for their periodic duties in Ghana, where Isaac is Chief of the Okwamu people and will begin mediating the disputes that have backed up in his absence. Elizabeth has first-lady duties. "[In] Africa, I have to worship him," she says. "When [we] get back, he has to worship me.") Buffalo News /// New York Times
Rhiannon Brooksbank-Jones Is Destined to Be a Very Popular Woman: The college student, obsessed with South Korean culture, will surely impress the locals when she eventually moves there from the UK, mainly because she took a radical measure to overcome deficient Korean-speaking, which shows respect for the country. She'll also impress the randy lads because the "radical measure" involved having her tongue surgically lengthened so she could pronounce the Korean "L" better. Daily Mail (London)
Chutzpah: Deadbeat, Abusive Dad Suddenly Discovers His Precious Family: "[My] client was devastated by what happened," the lawyer said, and that's why he is suing the city of Newburgh, N.Y., for $80 million after his estranged girlfriend committed suicide in a city lake and took the couple's three kids with her. According to friends of the couple, the father never lifted a finger for the kids, owed child support, and constantly roughed up the lady. New York Post
[Updates to stories after the jump: The school bus driver finally got hired back, and the 11-year-old girl's family said the skier merely peed on the floor beside her.]
Paul Di Filippo
Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1.
Chuck is the purveyor of News of the Weird, the syndicated column which for decades has set the gold-standard for reporting on oddities and the bizarre.
Our banner was drawn by the legendary underground cartoonist Rick Altergott.