Cheerios and V-8

I love Cheerios, and can tolerate V-8. But there's no way I could imagine eating a spoonful of Cheerios and then swallowing a gulp of V-8 immediately after the sweet milky mouthful.

Chuck’s News of the Weird Daily

has to take the day off. Gone fishin'. Back Friday morning. (If I were smarter, I'd have a backup piece ready to go, to distract you. But I'm not smart. I'm a grind. See ya tomorrow.)

Small Chests, A Diaper Bulge

and the Afternoon Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Wednesday

Vietnam gov't bureaucrats done lost their minds: proposal to ban motorbike drivers whose chests measure under 28 inches (as a proxy for weakness or sickliness). Associated Press via Arizona Republic

How to tell if you get seriously cold feet about your upcoming wedding: You burn down the entire hotel where it's to take place. Reuters via Yahoo

Recurring Theme (with added panache): DUI . . on a steamroller. KTBC-TV (Austin, Tex.)

Kimberly Messer, 18, explains doing 107 mph in a construction zone: I didn't even see the signs. Hel-lo! I was on the phone! KVAL-TV (Eugene, Ore.)

There was a 5-lb. bulge in her baby's diaper, which the 21-yr-old Mexican woman crossing into Hidalgo, Tex., told the border agent it was only the kid's dump, which would have been awesome in itself, but she was actually smuggling sausage. McAllen Monitor

Professor Music's Weird Link o' the Day
It's from Japan and appears to be an illustrated, er, um, well, catalog, of cat fashions, all modeled handsomely by what looks like a pair of stuffed kitties. But it's in Japanese so I don't know if ya can actually buy the stuff. Nice attention to detail, in that some of the cat hats have little ear-fitting protrusions. PetOffice.co.jp

Today's Newsrangers: David Melcher, Candy Clouston, Mark Neunder, Mindy Cohen, Paul Blumstein, Val Stephenson
Comments on the Afternoon Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Wednesday?
Comments 'cycle_081029'

Follies of the Mad Men #41

[From Playboy magazine for June 1974.]

"Let's take a screeching unfunny harridan, dress her in Colonial drag, then simulate a hideous war wound using our product as a makeshift sling. Then, let's run the ad in a magazine filled with beautiful naked women for contrast."

Going Steady

Any WU readers confused about "going steady" will certainly benefit from watching this video.

Lips, Laughs, Championship Hooch

and the Morning Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Wednesday

The tribe that measures stature by how distended your lips are
Here's a disturbing photo essay from Ethiopia, in the current Rolling Stone, where people, starting young, walk around with painted, oversized discs in their mouths, presumably to garner respect and attract mates. Warning: Not Safe For Work™, in that they also don't wear much in the way of clothes. Rolling Stone
Comments 'ethiopian_tribe'

Laughing is good, even if it's faked
"Laughter yoga" started in India, where you stand around in a circle and go "Ho ho ho ha ha ha" until your body mimics all the stress-reduction benefits that giggling brings. [Ed.: cf. Beaver: "Wally, why do grown-ups drink?" Wally: "I think because it's harder for grown-ups to have fun than it is for kids."] Billings Gazette
Comments 'laughter_yoga'

Your Daily Loser
Fugitive Paul Sans, 26, had a handy alias ("Jonathan Brackett"), only it's useless if you can't demonstrate to the cop that you know how to spell it. (Bonus: His passenger must've had a premonition Sans wasn't up to the job because she had just bought $100 worth of cocaine and thought she better hide it in her hoo-hah for when the cops inevitably pulled Sans over.) Portsmouth Herald
Comments 'paul_sans'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Jack Blurton might have been illegally carrying a knife and a grenade at Groggy's Bar in Mesa, Ariz. (but, y'know, maybe he was framed). KTAR Radio (Phoenix)
Comments 'jack_blurton'

More Things to Worry About on Wednesday

Funeral, church service, body-viewing, 250 grieving guests, solemn automobile procession to the cemetery for the burial. All dignified-like. But someone should have double-checked ahead of time to make sure they had dug a hole. Palm Beach Post

Either terrible reporting by Reuters or a golf shot so bad even the Three Stooges couldn't pull it off. Reuters

Awesome inventive ingenuity on a Canadian Indian reservation: a "superjuice" much more powerful than booze (in fact, so powerful it continues to ferment in your stomach, keeping you drunk for days). Winnipeg Sun

Upper-middle-class, professional dad lets his 8-yr-old pull the trigger of a loaded, fully-automatic Micro Uzi at a Massachusetts gun show, and, well . . .. The Republican (Springfield) /// Boston Globe (update)

More scrap-metal-theft follies: worked for hours to saw loose a 700-lb. wrought-iron fence, but a recycler said it'd probably bring a penny a pound. KOVR-TV (Sacramento)

The latest from the crack ABC News medical reporters on some condition that you've got to be the unluckiest person in the entire world if you come down with it (this time: spontaneous bleeding through the pores). ABC News

Comments on More Things to Worry About on Wednesday?
Comments 'worry_081029'

Bernie und Ert

As long as we've been talking about German humor....

First the original, with superior voice-acting, then an English dub, for comprehension.

Weird Korean Posters

As mentioned previously, my nephew Rey is teaching young students in South Korea. Here're two oddball posters he photographed. I can only assume that they are warning youngsters about the dangers of the internet.

Kitschin’ Tables

I want a unique Xmas gift for all my friends. But I'm absolutely torn between the Sumo Table and the Monkey Table.

Which would you choose?

First WU Contest Fallout!

I goofed. Or, I was less than exemplary in my administration of the first WU contest.

This is why we do things more than once. To try to learn from our mistakes.

To recap:

First, the answer to my question was: Richard Dadd's "The Fairyfeller's Master Stroke." You can read all about the odd life of Dadd here.

Now, When Madd Maxx came up with the painter's name within about ten seconds after I posted that little snippet of canvas, I was floored. I had wanted to prolong the contest for a while, but had to admire Maxx's quickwittedness.

I also saw Mo Holkar's entry at the same time, although it had come in a minute or so after Maxx's. Mo's entry satisfied the exact requirements of my question: name of artist AND name of painting.

But due to some kind of brain fart, I declared Maxx the winner. Probably because for anyone who knows Dadd and his work at all, "The Fairyfeller's Master Stroke" is also well-known to be Dadd's most famous painting, and I made the mental leap--proven correct shortly afterwards by Maxx's subsequent ID of the painting title--that he, Maxx, knew the painting's name even though he had failed to provide it right away. Also running below the surface of my mind was this logic: that anyone who saw Maxx's initial ID of Dadd could have quickly googled Dadd, found the painting name, and come back with the combo I asked for, without having made the initial ID of the artist on the strength of their own solo knowledge.

Not that I am saying Mo Holkar did any such thing. Sixty seconds is probably too short for the google-fu I just described. And even if such a shortcut was used, the person would have been well within his or her rights, technically speaking, to amend the half-answer provided by the first person.

Anyhow, all this tortured reasoning is probably more than anyone wanted to hear. So I'll just say it again: I goofed.

What's to be done?

First, I would like to offer the admirable Mo Holkar a consolation prize: a copy of my story collection NEUTRINO DRAG. It's not as wonderful as the Ricky Jay book, but it's pretty weird. Mo, please email me your snailmail info via the Contact Button.

Second, in future contests, I vow to judge the answers strictly by the letter of what I asked for!

Thanks to all WU readers for your continued passion and support!