Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Friday

How'd you like to be married to Christina Downs?
The Portsmouth, N.H., woman, 24, challenged a seemingly slam-dunk speeding ticket (44 in a 25mph zone) by insisting on a trial and, acting as her own lawyer, opening 96 lines of inquiry, demanding engineering studies, radar-gun reports, urban planning data on traffic flow, integrity of the tuning-fork-calibration for the radar gun, police officers' "perception reactor time," and so on and so on. The state supreme court told her, No: $100. Yep, she may get married some day, and the lucky couple will be having to work out their problems, and how do ya think those discussions are gonna go? Portsmouth Herald
Comments 'christina_downs'

Ya don't get to read lede passages like this very often
"They took all the Rabbits but they left the Seahorse, probably because they had enough butt plugs. The Seahorse comes with a butt plug."
That was Wanda Cotie, owner of Wicked Wanda's Adult Emporium explaining to an Ottawa Sun reporter the extent of the overnight theft of merchandise by burglars. "They didn't even touch the German stuff." "They didn't bother with the leather garb" and "didn't check for money." They just wanted the buzz toys. Some of the inventory was expendable, but one, she said, "the chin-strapped Accommodator," is "too valuable" for her to just shrug off. Ottawa Sun
Comments 'wicked_wandas'

Nat'l Security Agency whistleblowers say, if you're a U.S. citizen abroad and call your spouse back home for some pillow talk, better assume it's a threesome
NSA says of course they're not supposed to be noticing purely private phone calls, but c'mon, human nature! You're monitoring calls for nat'l security, and all of a sudden, "What are you wearing, honey" comes over the system, and of course, you put it up on speakerphone! ABC News
Comments 'nsa_sextalk'

The way we've always done it is always the best way to do it
A city "policy" in Austin, Tex., is that restoring traffic flow in construction zones takes precedence over other interests. Residents of a neighborhood where a new sewer line is going in have noticed that the contractor spends the first few hours of every work day digging up the street and the last few hours of every work day putting the dirt back down and laying asphalt over it (so that traffic can resume at night). That means the contractors are spending about half their time re-digging the same hole and then re-laying the same dirt and pavement. Seriously. American-Statesman
Comments 'austin_contractor'

Your Daily Loser
The only reason Bruce George, 20, molested that 6-yr-old girl, he said, was that he was trying to do something really disgusting, to make people hate him, so he could stoke himself up to commit suicide. He tried, but he said the gun wouldn't fire. Anchorage Daily News
Comments 'bruce_george'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Michael Edward Bodzsar, 20, could possibly be the kind of guy who looks at teenage pornography. WHMI Radio (Genoa Township, Mich.)
Comments 'michael_bodzsar'

More Things to Worry About on Friday
The Bromsgrove district council in England ordered Bill Malcolm to take down the 3-ft-high barbed-wire fence around his property, and we all know why (If burglars get hurt, they'll sue) . . . . . So George Washington was the father of his country, but, jeez, these two guys seem to be the "father of the state of South Australia" (sperm donors with 59 kids between 'em) . . . . . Update: Deported radical cleric Omar Bakri Mohammed (the one who left behind in Britain the 26-yr-old daughter who became a pole dancer) has divorced and remarried in Lebanon (to a woman younger than the daughter) (and, by the way, he insists she's not daughter) . . . . . Update: And Lehman Brothers denies that CEO Richard Fuld was punched out in the company gym (despite CNBC's insistence that its sources are solid). Today's Newsrangers: Karl Olson, Paul Andrews, Ginger Katz, Sandy Pearlman, Gil Nelson
Comments 'worry_081010'

Editor's Note
Weird Universe will be changing the format of the daily news feed somewhat, beginning on Monday. The changes would hardly amount to much even if we were in a tranquil era of global peace and prosperity, but here they are:
* Monday through Friday (not Saturday)
* Name change for the daily news feed
* More stories mentioned and linked, posted in two parts throughout the day, initially, and later on, three parts
* Written the night before and not the same morning
* Comment threads will not be individualized for all stories linked
Ah, forget it, I'm getting bored explaining this, and none of it matters very much. All that's important is that when you see something that sorta looks like Chuck's Hand-Picked Overnights but is a little different, well, that's what's going on.
(If you've already subscribed to the daily e-mail news feed through Google Groups, you'll still get one e-mail a day that contains all the feeds. If you'd like to sign up for that list, go here.) (Sorry! Link added!)
(And by the way, I'm going to post this identical Editor's Note tomorrow so when you see it, you can skip it.)
Comments 'editors_081009'

The Glass Delusion

An unusual psychiatric disorder swept through Europe during the late Medieval period. Many people came to believe they were made of glass "and therefore likely to shatter into pieces." Historians call this the Glass Delusion.

A typical sufferer might have believed he was "a urinal, an oil lamp or other glass receptacle, or else he might himself be trapped within a glass bottle." (A "urinal" during the middle ages referred to a small flask... essentially a glass pee pee bottle.)

One famous early sufferer: the French king, Charles VI, who refused to allow people to touch him, and wore reinforced clothing to protect himself.

A 1561 medical account describes a patient "who had to relieve himself standing up, fearing that if he sat down his buttocks would shatter... The man concerned was a glass-maker from the Parisian suburb of Saint Germain, who constantly applied a small cushion to his buttocks, even when standing. He was cured of this obsession by a severe thrashing from the doctor, who told him that his pain emanated from buttocks of flesh."

In modern times, the glass delusion has disappeared. "Surveys of modern psychiatric institutions have only revealed two specific (uncorroborated) cases of the glass delusion. Foulché-Delbosc reports finding one Glass Man in a Paris asylum, and a woman who thought she was a potsherd was recorded at an asylum in Meerenberg."

One sign of the glass delusion's vanishing is that there's not much information about it on the internet. Not even a wikipedia entry about it. The above factoids came from "An odd kind of melancholy: reflections on the glass delusion in Europe," by Gill Speak, published in 1990 in the History of Psychiatry.

The Mulabhanda Cushion

In yogic practice, the perineum is referred to as the "mulabhanda," and has a pose devoted to it. You can see that pose halfway down the page here.

But if you're not an accomplished yogi yet, you might want one of these comfy little pillows shaped just right to help you.

Animated Hitch Critters

Why do I believe Sarah Palin has one of these butt-impaled animatronic deers on her truck hitch?

They also come in Bass, Dog, Duck, and Motorcycle-Riding Pig.

Di Filippo & Woodring Book Signing

I'll be away in Seattle from Friday October 10 through Monday October 13, attending the launch party of my new novel, Cosmocopia. But I've stacked up four posts in the queue, all new FOLLIES OF THE MAD MEN. Enjoy!

Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Thursday

How to get more men interested in science education
A team of researchers, writing in the current issue of the journal Environmental Research, concluded that phthalates (common to plastics, fragrances, hair sprays, and nail polish) absorbed by women result in their male babies having smaller dicks. This human thing follows similar results in mouse studies. Globe & Mail (Toronto)
Comments 'phthalates_research'

Daily update on the Transportation Suckurity Administration
TSA lacks confidence in its agents' individual judgments and so prescribes zero-tolerance-type rules. Trying to get an agent to exercise a little common sense is usually useless; they're paid to enforce rules, not bend them. Well . . except this time at JFK in New York, when an agent found two grenades in a passenger's baggage but let him go through, anyway. No problem, the agent explained. He checked the grenades, and to him, they looked inert. Fox News
Comments 'inert_grenades'

Oh, Jeez, Chuck apologizes
Honest, I didn't know the guy had just died over the weekend. Jose Luis Garza, the 990-lb. guy I mentioned flippantly yesterday from Monterrey, Mexico, succumbed, of a heart attack. But somehow, photographs of the preparations for burial are already out and about, as you can see. Daily Mail (London)
Comments 'garza_apology'

And one more subtle sign that Chuck's maybe been doing this work for too long
New Zealand Press Association released this story, citing Hamilton, N.Z., police spokesman Andy Bear: A woman was arrested after she broke through the door of her ex-boyfriend's home, then kicked him, in a dispute over custody . . of their pet possum. NZPA via Stuff.co.nz
Comments 'possum_custody'

Your Daily Loser
On September 21st, the Little River Zoo in Norman, Okla., reported the theft of an albino python and a rare African tortoise. On September 24th, Cody Hawkins, 24, went down to the zoo and asked around if anyone knew how to take care of a python and a tortoise. Cody also had some Ecstasy in his pocket (police said). Daily Oklahoman
Comments 'cody_hawkins'

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
In a routine website story about an attempted abduction of a teenager, the crack Orlando TV station WKMG-TV very helpfully included a map of the spot of the attempt (in the Daytona Beach area) and searched the state's database to see how many registered sex offenders live within five miles. Answer: OMG! Who isn't a registered sex offender? They're everywhere! WKMG-TV
Comments 'sexoffender_map'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Darin Najor, 20, might be a guy on a mission to get rid of all the witches around Royal Oak, Mich. Daily Tribune (Royal Oak)
Comments 'darin_najor'

Eyewitness News
[news videos goin' around]
A slide show on ritual circumcision in Uganda, and no, it's Not Safe For Work™, or for stomachs. Daily Telegraph (London)
Comments 'circumcision_uganda'

More Things to Worry About on Thursday
A Washington state woman got shot in the leg, er, by her stove (containing a misplaced shotgun shell; "There's always that one problem stray," she said) . . . . . Latest blonde joke: What does a blonde do when she can't figure out the hair-care label and accidentally darkens her hair? Why, she sues! (for the heartbreak of unblonding) . . . . . Seymour Gray, 66, told Des Moines, Iowa, police that he knows exactly who burglarized him and stole three computers and some tools and that the thief had contacted Gray and challenged him to a fight, winner-take-all for the goods [Ed.: I just report 'em] . . . . Carjacker not ready for prime time: As mom stepped away, the guy hopped in the car with the 6-yr-old, but after a few seconds of age-6-tantrum, the perp jumped out and ran away. Today's Newsrangers: Sandy Pearlman, Shere'e Robinson
Comments 'worry_081009'

Editor's Note
Weird Universe will be changing the format of the daily news feed somewhat, beginning on Monday. The changes would hardly amount to much even if we were in a tranquil era of global peace and prosperity, but here they are:
* Monday through Friday (not Saturday)
* Name change for the daily news feed
* More stories mentioned and linked, posted in two parts throughout the day, initially, and later on, three parts
* Written the night before and not the same morning
* Comment threads will not be individualized for all stories linked
Ah, forget it, I'm getting bored explaining this, and none of it matters very much. All that's important is that when you see something that sorta looks like Chuck's Hand-Picked Overnights but is a little different, well, that's what's going on.
(If you've already subscribed to the daily e-mail news feed through Google Groups, you'll still get one e-mail a day that contains all the feeds. If you'd like to sign up for that list, go here.)
(And by the way, I'm going to post this identical Editor's Note tomorrow so when you see it, you can skip it.)
Comments 'editors_081009'

My Pee Pee Bottle

There are a number of reasons why "My Pee Pee Bottle" is a disturbing product. Reason #1: It looks WAY too much like a sippy cup. (Though there are some who say that urine drinking is healthy.)

Reason #2: The instructions (and accompanying picture) are too explicit for my sensibilities. Isn't it obvious how a Pee Pee Bottle works?

Whatever happened to finding a bush to go behind?
(via 20 Strange and Funny Baby Products)

Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Wednesday

The "Holy Hook Up" reality TV show (Seriously)
Pentecostal Bishop Thomas Weeks IIII (apparently, he shuns IV) of Atlanta, who was last reported in News of the Weird laying physical wrath upon the then-Mrs. Weeks in a parking lot, said he's in negotiation for a Survivor-type reality show called, The Holy Hook Up: Who Will Be The Next Mrs. Weeks? (a "very tasteful, five-star presentation," he said). Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Comments 'holy_hookup'

Cutting-edge parenting: Doing your best for your 13-yr-old daughter
Police in Elgin, Ill., are investigating whether the mom tried too hard to get the boyfriend of the girl to get back together with her . . by threatening to put nude photos of the guy on the Internet. (The kids had nude photos of each other, but the ones of her are gone.) Daily Herald (Arlington Heights, Ill.)
Comments 'elgin_parenting'

And the bailout news (in case you've been avoiding it)
(1) The super insurer AIG, which was bailed out on the eve of bankruptcy two weeks ago by the feds' lending it $85 billion, then held an executive retreat the very next week at the fancy St. Regis Resort in California, at a tab of $440k ($23k for spa treatments). (The Smoking Gun has the invoice) (2) And it's small consolation that former Lehman Brothers CEO Richard Fuld (whose company didn't get bailed out and therefore lost its workers their jobs and savings) made the unwise decision to nonetheless do his daily workout at the company gym a few days later, during which one employee cold-cocked him. (3) To you and me, the bill Congress passed last Friday might have been one of those ugly necessities, but, hey, who loved it? Bicyclists! ABC News /// TheSmokingGun.com /// Daily Telegraph /// New York Times
Comments 'bailout_update'

Updates
(1) That Kansas man whose girlfriend was found stuck to the toilet seat in February, uh, just won a $20k state lottery for the second time this year. (2) Those Long Island Rail Road workers who had been retiring on gov't disability scams? Apparently, a lot of 'em were so confident they could paper-up their disabilities that they were buying private disability policies, too. Associated Press via Fox News /// New York Times
Comments 'toilet_andlirr'

Was it a ritual for good luck or just Darwin cutting a player?
Sixteen members of a Zimbabwean soccer team jumped into the Zambezi River, supposedly to cleanse themselves of evil spirits for an upcoming match, but there are crocs in the river, and only 15 made it back. Could be a sign they just needed a faster athlete. Reuters via Yahoo
Comments 'zimbabwe_soccer'

Your Daily Loser
Aarron Evans, 21, who at one time decided to have his name and date of birth permanently tattooed onto his neck, didn't have much of a defense for the charge of driving off with the cops' unmarked bait car (that had a video camera aimed at around the driver's neck). BBC News
Comments 'aarron_evans'

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
At least this guy in Manitoba was gettin' some, but he said actually, he didn't want to be gettin' it, because he was asleep when the woman hopped on him and inseminated herself (and who now wants child support). Canadian Press via Edmonton Sun
Comments 'inseminate_asleep'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Consider Mr. Adam Morris, 30, who's being held in upstate New York on a murder warrant from Quebec. Press Republican (Plattsburgh, N.Y.)
Comments 'adam_morris'

Eyewitness News
[news videos goin' around]
I know this is troubling, but if I didn't show you this video of the restaurant where the monkey waits on tables, somebody else'd just trick you into watching it. Reuters
Comments 'monkey_waiter'

More Things to Worry About on Wednesday
Holy Land tensions increase, er, over intellectual property rights . . . . . A new warning about drinking the water in Mexico (around Monterrey, anyway): Not only does Manuel Uribe live there (formerly, 1,230 lbs, recently a svelte 675), but so does Jose Luis Garza (about 990) . . . . . Thank goodness there's an Endangered Species Act to save precious, glorious specimens of nature, like, well, the Atlantic wolffish—Aaaagggghhhhh! Aaaaggghhhhh! Today's Newsrangers: Hal Dunham, Paul Music, Candy Clouston, Jason Newton, David Melcher, Bob Pert, Scott Langill, Joe Littrell, Keith Yearman, Gil Nelson, Stuart Worthington
Comments 'worry_081008'

Bigfoot Lawn Statue

Xmas is coming right up! Don't you know someone who would love their very own Bigfoot statue...?

Drunk Driving Victim Deemed “Too Graphic”

Mike Harn is in a fight with Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Twenty years ago his wife, Rose, was in an accident caused by a teenage drunk driver. She was left brain-damaged and paralyzed. Ever since then Mike has been taking her around to schools and state fairs where he displays her (often in cooperation with MADD) as a kind of human atrocity exhibition, to illustrate the consequences of drunk driving.

That is, until some fair-goers at the Western Idaho Fair complained that the sight of Rose was "too graphic." MADD subsequently dropped Harn as a volunteer, citing the complaints about her. Mike Harn is outraged by this, noting that the point of showing Rose WAS to shock people.

The irony is that not too long ago people used to pay to see human exhibits like Rose at state fairs. I guess nowadays the fairs have been purged of anything strange or disturbing. But I wonder, if Mike Harn chose to visit the fair with his wife, in an unofficial capacity, they couldn't exactly stop him, could they? (Thanks, Bob!)