Preparation of Foods

If our readers plan on cooking animal testicles, they'll need to know all about the history of food prep, including that new discovery--microwaves!

Monster Mini Golf

As we all realize, Halloween has become an incredibly inflated holiday over the past few decades. But claims that spending for the holiday rank just behind Xmas are bogus, as we learn in this Snopes article. Nonetheless, strange and unlikely exploitations of Halloween continue to erupt.

How about Monster Mini Golf?

Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Thursday

California's strangest elected official [No, even stranger than him]
Chapman University's campus police (Orange, Calif.) detained Steve Rocco for allegedly trying to swipe a bottle of ketchup from the school cafeteria under his coat. Rocco is a trustee of the school district board in Orange, and his election in 2004 was highlighted in News of the Weird [NOTW 877, 11-28-2004]

Perhaps the strangest election result this year was in Orange County, Calif., where a school board seat went not to the favored establishment candidate but to an unknown, Steve Rocco, who never campaigned or even appeared in public. (He did tell a friend after the election that he would appear at the board meeting on December 9.) Among the little information known about him: His candidate registration included one page of [according to the Los Angeles Times] “densely typed text cut and pasted together, and filled with rambling prose,” and several years ago, he hosted a 17-episode interview series on public-access TV while wearing dark glasses.

Rocco still wears dark glasses, and this fall is running for the city council in Santa Ana, where his platform includes taking on "the Mexican Mafia, their Caucasian Puppetmasters and Judicial Miscreants" and pursuing other quixoticisms. Los Angeles Times
Comments 'steve_rocco'

Barack Obama running for municipal office in Brazil
In fact, three of them are. Brazil allows candidates to register with whatever names they want: hence, O. J. Saddam, Chico Bin Laden, Kung Fu Fatty, The Second King of Prawns, and 200 who copied the name of President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, since his approval rating is around 80 percent. Daily Telegraph (London)
Comments 'brazil_candidates'

The Testicle Cookbook
Serbian chef Ljubomir Erovic has just released a downloadable e-book under that name, seein' as how he's probably the world's foremost authority. Tastiest: bulls, stallions, ostriches. Aphrodisiac: sheep, stallions. Other sources: pigs, turkeys. Favorite dishes: testicle pizza, barbecued testicles and giblets. Most important instruction: "Wash thoroughly for 30-45 minutes." Agence France-Presse via News.Com.au
Comments 'testicle_cookbook'

Incorrigible rapist-murderer awarded money because prison guards laughed at him
Muri Peace Chilton, serving life for the 1977 rape-murder of a 15-yr-old girl, accidentally mangled his thumb in a prison shop in 2000, and when guards couldn't resist mocking him, he sued. Federal Court of Canada said he deserved $2,500 (Cdn). National Post
Comments 'muri_chilton'

Leading Economic Indicators: (1) An actual house in Saginaw, Mich., legitimately closed on eBay for $1.75 (plus $850 back taxes). (2) A Wells Fargo bank branch in La Mesa, Calif., was robbed on Monday by two different perps, three hours apart. (3) The South Korean gov't has no economic crisis, as it said yesterday it would subsidize gym classes for kids so they won't get fat. (4) "Beavers Blamed for Likely Bank Failure" [Ed.: I'm just messin' with you; that one's about a river bank] Saginaw News /// Associated Press via Yahoo /// Reuters via Yahoo /// San Francisco Chronicle
Comments 'economic_081002'

Your Daily Loser
Add Victor Pagano Jr. to the list of sad-sack husbands who failed to treat the missus properly. Apparently, he roughed her up; she filed a domestic violence complaint; and she called his employer, demanding that they come and pick up all the "work equipment" he'd been storing at home. Employer is the Navy. What equipment, they asked? Answer: $1.6 million worth of things (19,000 items, if you count computer disks) Pagano had allegedly embezzled. The Examiner (Washington, D.C.)
Comments 'victor_pagano'

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Guy Milford, 34, convicted in Scotland's Dumbarton Sheriff Court on a sex charge after police spotted him in his car, across from a high school, with an electrical device whose wires ran from inside his pants to the car's cigarette lighter. Clydebank Post [link from Dumbassdaily.com]
Comments 'guy_milford'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Well, how about it: It's irresponsible to leave your baby at home while you're out doing your thing, so these must be conscientious parents, right? KSAZ-TV (Phoenix)
Comments 'conscientious_parents'

More Things to Worry About on Thursday
Least Competent Snake (Yes, it was a pretty egg, but it was a ceramic egg) . . . . . Retired: It was all over the news yesterday, but it's No Longer Weird (using a cigarette lighter to check the gasoline level when you're siphoning). Today's Newsrangers: Bruce Alter, Phil Daley, Emmitt Dove, Kathryn Wood
Comments 'worry_081002'

Sign language among medieval monks sworn to silence

Medieval monks who had taken vows of silence developed a simple form of sign language to communicate (predating the development of modern sign language by centuries), and scholars know many of the signs they used. This could be potentially useful if you plan on doing any time travel (or try it out at a renaissance fair). From the essay "Sign Language and Gestures in Medieval Europe: Monasteries, Courts of Justice, and Society" by August Nitschke:

I want to eat: repeatedly move the first three fingers towards the mouth.
I want to drink: place the tip of the thumb on the lips and tilt the fist like a bottle.
I am fasting: press together the lips with thumb and forefinger
Bread: make a circle using both your thumbs and the fingers next to them.
Milk: place all the fingers of your right hand around the smallest finger of your left and stretch the latter, imitating someone who is milking.
Honey: Let your tongue protrude for a moment and move your fingers close as if you intended to lick them.
A book: stretch our your hand, moving it as if turning the page of a book.
Crying: take the index finger, which has been placed below the eye, moving it downward twice.
The Hallelujah: raise one hand and move the slightly curved upper side of the fingers in a way that suggests a flying motion.
Fire: Blow on the tip of the forefinger, which is held pointing up.
A fish: Keeping the fingers together, move the right hand, keeping it straight, in front of the body in a zigzag maner like a swimming animal.

Follies of the Mad Men #32

[From Life magazine for April 23 1971.]

Okay, here's today's lesson, ad guys, and I'll only tell you once:

YOU NEVER COMPARE YOUR PRODUCT TO A PLAGUE OR STD, EVEN IN JEST!!!

Palm Pistol

From the blog of the insanely talented and talentedly insane Warren Ellis we learn of a new item that the world certainly does not need: an easy to conceal and shoot weapon called the Palm Pistol.

Tongue Jutting

The FiveThirtyEight blog noted the frequency with which McCain stuck out his tongue during last Friday's debate. The behavior is known as "tongue jutting." It's a well-known "tell" that professional interrogators and poker players look for. According to retired FBI agent Joe Navarro, this is what it means:


I'll add that tongue jutting (or tongue protrusion) is also a behavior often seen in the animal world. Reptologists have developed the "tongue flick attack score" which is "a common method for quantifying predatory behavior in squamate reptiles." A higher score (i.e. more tongue flicks) indicates a greater predatory response.

Tongue protrusion is also a form of sociosexual behavior that has been observed in nocturnal Owl Monkeys. It is part of a range of mating behavior that includes lip-smacking, squinting, partner-marking, and urine-drinking.

So the question is, was McCain's tongue jutting more reptilian or primate? i.e. was it more predatory in nature, or sociosexual? I'll leave that to you readers to decide.

Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Wednesday

Oprah's mom fights the power
So a high-end fashion shop in Waukesha, Wis., sued Vernita Lee in July for being $150k in arrears, and now Lee has fired back with a countersuit because it's not her problem. Y'see, in 2002, the store had sued Lee for $174k, which Lee apparently paid back, and as part of the settlement, the store agreed not to give her any more credit. Well, she talked them into it again in 2004, and here we are, and so she should get four years' worth of clothes for free, plus attorney fees, plus a bonus payment of 2x the finance-charge part of her bill. Journal Sentinel
Comments 'oprahs_mom'

It's good to be a British prisoner
The Wymott prison in Lancashire ordered that all prisoners be addressed as "Mr." followed by the surname, to ensure that guards demonstrate respect for prisoners. No such reciprocal order to prisoners was issued, but in any event, it's highly unlikely that prisoners would comply, anyway. Daily Telegraph
Comments 'mister_prisoner'

It's at least one of the mothers of all bank runs
These photos show the huge throngs in Harare, Zimbabwe, flocking to withdraw money after the gov't upped the maximum that customers could take out, to Z$20,000. (Yes, you recall correctly: Zimbabwe has the world's worst inflation [currently, about 11 million percent), and the old maximum for withdrawal [Z$1,000] was barely the price of a newspaper.) Daily Mail (London)
Comments 'zimbabwe_banks'

Your Daily Losers
"For 60 years, happy diners at the now-shuttered Homestead tacked dollar bills to the walls, dated and inscribed with a line or two to mark the occasion." The Homestead's been closed for a year, but totally preserved inside to maintain its re-sale value, so last week in nearby Bakersfield, Calif., 10 of these distinct bills surfaced when a guy paid a court fine with 'em. Since everybody in town knew exactly where those bills had come from, police knew the Homestead had been burglarized and arrested the guy and his four accomplices. Plus, one of the perps still had distinctive Homestead wall thumbtacks stuck to the bottoms of his shoes. Los Angeles Times
Comments 'homestead_burglars'

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Bert Allen III filed a request for a restraining order against Univ. of New Hampshire police, who have barred him from campus simply because he was distributing flyers explicitly seeking a "trophy wife." And what a trophy Allen is, himself! (Turns out soliciting anything on campus requires permission, which he didn't have.) WMUR-TV (Manchester)
Comments 'bert_allen'

And another guy with a worse sex life
Mr. Akiro Hino, 51, was arrested in Tokyo after being caught with a fishing rod, reeling in women's underwear from an apartment balcony below (and for the 500 pieces found when police searched his place). Agence France-Presse via Yahoo
Comments 'akiro_hino'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Renee Bowman, 43, in Calvert County, Md., who was charged with . . ah, it really doesn't matter what she was charged with, does it? CNN
Comments 'renee_bowman'

Eyewitness News
[news videos goin' around]
Evidently, there's a problem with wild monkeys menacing the customers at a Lucknow, India, train station. Solution: Paint a man up like a monkey, wearing a long curly tail, and have him patrol the station by hopping around in a four-point stance. Seriously. BBC News /// ad-free version on LiveLeak
Comments 'lucknow_monkey'

More Things to Worry About on Wednesday
Spanning the globe (again today!) to find medical conditions you couldn't even dream of: In India's Uttar Pradesh state, a 13-yr-old girl (Bonus: first name is Twinkle) spontaneously bleeds a lot, just through her pores (due to some sort of platelet disorder, they think, but secondary diagnosis by the locals is, of course, demons) . . . . . Sounds Like a Joke: The local council in Bristol, England, ordered residents on gov't assistance to leave their outside sheds unlocked so that thieves won't damage the shed when they steal from ya . . . . . Here's your periodic x-ray of someone with a seriously-foreign object inside his body (in this case, a knife stuck five inches into his skull). Today's Newsrangers: Ron Welch, Bruce Leiserowitz, Peter Hine, Kevin Dean
Comments 'worry_081001'

Cow-Costumed Woman Chases Children

We here at Weird Universe have been warning our readers for quite some time about the danger posed by cows who attack. (See here, here, and here.) It has now become apparent that this threat extends to women dressed up as cows.

Evidence: Michelle Allen of Middletown, Ohio was taken into custody for disorderly conduct that included chasing children, urinating on a neighbor's front porch, and causing traffic problems -- all while wearing a cow costume.

In case you have any desire to imitate Michelle this Halloween -- and I suspect many people will be doing so -- it looks like Amazon has a similar cow costume in stock.

(Thanks to everyone who forwarded us this story!)

Playing for you, Madam

Theory 1) The woman has passed out drunk and the musicians are her hallucination.
Theory 2) She's dead and the musicians are ghosts.
Theory 3) The musicians have broken into her apartment, drugged her, and are now performing a weird fetishistic ritual with her.
(via LP Cover Lover)