RideAccidents.com bills itself as "the world's single most comprehensive, detailed, updated, accurate, and complete source of amusement ride accident reports and related news."
People falling and jumping from roller coasters, children drowning in water rides, men leaping leaping from cable cars with a bungee cord attached to them, thinking the bungee will stop them before they hit the ground, only to realize they misjudged the distance and the cord doesn't even have a chance to grow taut before they slam into the ground. It's all there!
Be it known that I, Michael Zofchak, a citizen of the United States, residing at Pittsburg, in the county of Allegheny and State of Pennsylvania, have invented new and useful Improvements in Animal Life-Preservers, of which the following is a specification.
This invention relates to life preservers, and more especially it is intended for quick application to a draft horse, pack mule, or other animal which is carrying war supplies and which may possibly be a cavalry horse, so that when a stream or river is reached the animal can swim across with his load and possibly with his driver and the necessity for building a bridge is avoided.
Utah's drinking problem
The state's trying hard to stop it, in a passive-aggressive sort of way. A Senate committee approved a bill requiring restaurants that serve drinks to make sure the bartender can't be seen by the diners. Plus, in the past the state has tried to criminalize the act of being a drunkard, but that was unconstitutional so it's changing that to criminalize the act of looking like you're a drunkard. (Bonus: The link features another link to the original bill, which looks simple enough, but takes 4,105 lines of text to get it through the Utah code.) KUTV (Salt Lake City) Comments 'utah_bartenders'
Round-up from the ol' F State (1) A St. Petersburg Times interview of a retired judge reveals that he knows he botched the law 9 yrs ago when he sentenced a 14-yr-old kid to "life in prison" for being an accomplice to armed robbery. The state had earlier passed a "life in prison means life in prison without parole" law, but the judge thought that applied only to capital crimes and not armed robbery, and that surely the kid would be out by now. Oops. Still there. Forever. (2) The New York Times updated us Sunday on the fiery, deluxe, nondenominational Fort Lauderdale preacher Terry Durham, age 11 (NOTW had him when he was 8 [NOTW 953, 5-14-2006]), who's been honing his delivery since age 4 (in public since age 6): "When I'm in the pulpit, it's like something turns over me, and I just turn into a man of God. And when I'm out of the pulpit, I just turn into a speechless kid." (3) And there's this teenager who was demonstrating to an apprehensive pal that a loaded 9mm was no big deal, by pointing at the ground and firing off a round, but now the kid has a hole in his foot. St. Petersburg Times///New York Times///WTSP-TV (St. Petersburg) Comments 'florida_roundup'
More Things to Worry About
News that sounds like a joke (I): A 23-yr-old British man, who says life is tough for him now, filed a lawsuit against his high school for having enabled the kids who had bullied him over being rich, thus messing him up and making life tough for him right now. Daily Mail
News that sounds like a joke (II): A memento from the actual body of Galileo (who was widely ridiculed and condemned in his lifetime by the Vatican for disputing Catholic dogma with, y'know, science) went on display in Florence, Italy, and it was his bird-flipping finger. Daily Telegraph (London)
Readers' Choice: Mr. Acea Shomaker, 20, said the reason he stuffed his cat inside his shoebox-sized bong for a couple of sessions was because it was high-strung and needed to mellow. (Bonus: It worked.) KETV (Omaha)
Comments on Things to Worry About? Comments 'worry_090303'
Your Daily Loser
This guy was arrested in the gym at Elma (Wash.) High School, looking like a sports photographer covering the "winter dance team" practice, but a couple of the kids' fathers challenged him. "How about this," one dad proposed. "[Y]ou show us the pictures on the camera and when what you're saying is true [about being a sports photographer], there's nothing weird, you can go and we'll apologize and it's no big deal." But "He's like, 'No, I can't show you my pictures.'" But then, an epiphany: "He took the camera off his neck, held his hands up in the air and said, 'I admit it. I'm a pervert, and I came here to take pictures of your daughters. Can you let go of me?" (Nope, no can do.) KING-TV (Seattle) Comments 'danceteam_pervert'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Ms. Trecia Hodge, 36, was arrested in Raleigh, N.C., allegedly having instructed a 9-yr-old neighbor boy to use her cell phone to take pictures of an intimate area of her body that she couldn't really frame properly by herself. WRAL-TV Comments 'trecia_hodge'
Your Daily Jury Duty ["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
Amilcar Guerra, 50, who might have stabbed some people (if you think he looks like the kind of guy who would get so ticked off at the brand of beer his buddy had selected). Sarasota Herald-Tribune via TBO.com Comments 'amilcar_guerra'
Today's Newsrangers: Sandy Pearlman, Paul Music, Val Didrichsons, Samantha Ulery
In Look magazine for September 9 1969, there's an article about an aspiring young singer named Lotti Golden, who wanted to be just like Dylan. Never having heard of her before, I got curious and did some research.
Neil Keller is "obsessed with Jews." He claims to have "one of the largest collections of Jewish memorabilia on the planet with over 15,000 items." Some trivia from his site:
Elvis Presley's mother, Gladys Love Presley, has a Star of David at her tombstone. Many people consider Elvis is Jewish. There is evidence that Abraham Lincoln and Christopher Columbus are Jewish and I am currently researching them.
Strangely, Neil doesn't say if he himself is Jewish.
An interesting statistic: "Two-thirds of all District [of Columbia] parking meters reported broken turn out to be operational when a repair crew arrives on-site."
One reason is that people falsely report meters as broken when they're not, but another explanation, according to the DC Department of Transportation, is that the meters are designed to be "self-correcting". They're not really broken. The evil little things are just pretending:
a person who parks at a meter displaying a “fail” message may return an hour later to find a working meter flashing zero time and a ticket on the windshield — a process that may repeat several times a day.
Basically, the parking cops are going to get your money, one way or another. Just resign yourself to that truth.