Your Daily Loser - Don't Ask, Don'T Tell should be mandatory everywhere, not just in the military. Brandon Vongthongthrip was recently arrested for admitting that he has had sex with his pit bull more than four hundred times. He is being held for 1.5 million dollars in bail. The Story.
Jury Duty - I wonder if he really is. He does look kinda sleepy ... Gerald Soundsleeper pleaded no contest to manslaughter in the death of his girlfriend. The Story.
Edward just wants a lady emu to share his nest with... But since there aren't any nearby, he's doing his best to convince (human) owner Patrena that he could be the man for her - by attempting to round her up and herd her into his nest every time she goes near him. So far, Patrena remains unseduced - in fact, she's resorted to appealing to Australia by radio, asking if anyone can either provide a wife for Edward, or transport the nearest available female the 800km to her property in Katherine, NT.
I think Patrena should just give in to romance, and destiny, and realise just how happy Edward could make her, if she only gave him the chance. http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25489025-13762,00.html
Teacher Fights Graffiti with English Lesson; Milwaukee, Wisc
Responding to the tagger’s query of “Where da bitches at?” teacher Beth Biskobing at South Milwaukee High School posted a bright red 8 ½ x 11 response including “The use of the verb are allows you to write a COMPLETE SENTENCE. (Without it, you have a fragment, of course - missing the predicate of the sentence. The subject is dogs.)” she wrote. Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
Liquor Thief Leaves Enters Raffle, Loses; Hartford, Wisc
Upon leaving the liquor store the thief, Sean M. Piering, had shoved the liquor bottle in his pants and then filled out a raffle ticket complete with his name and address. He was found at his home drunk and turned over the store’s missing bottles. Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
Burning Stupidity; Wheeling Ill
A man in Wheeling, Illinois was cited for “open burning.” He was burning construction debris at a construction site only ten feet from a truck with an external fuel tank. Chicago Tribune
3,000 Gather for Shiny New Lincoln Pennies; Lincoln Ind
An estimated 3,000 people (presumably numismatists and Lincoln fans) showed up at Lincoln State Park in Lincoln, Indiana to get rolls of pennies with a picture of Lincoln reading a book while taking a break from rail splitting on the back. The penny is to commemorate the 14 years Lincoln spent living in a frontier town in Indiana. Indy Star
Hammer Vs. Screwdriver Fight Ends in Ear Biting; Kenosha, WI
Kenosha Police arrested Antoine K. Parks after an argument escalated into a fight and ended in a Tyson-style ear biting. The victim alleges that Antoine came after him with a hammer and he picked up a screwdriver in response. In the struggle, it is alleged, that Antoine bit off part of the mans ear. Mayhem charges are pending. Kenosha News
Ex Gov. Blago Shampoo: It’s Bleep’n Golden; Elk Grove Village, Ill
A new product available from makers in Elk Grove Village, Ill: Blago shampoo and conditioner. The shampoo is advertised as “volumizing for really big hair” and “it’s bleep’n golden!” Editorial Comment: I think this is the way to go if you want hair that looks like a Lego man. Blago HairBlalegovich
Continuing WU's focus on clowns good and evil, here we see a photo of some bad ones, courtesy of Jeff Balke's Flickr page. The photo was taken at a Houston, Texas, parade, so WU readers in that vicinity who have clown-o-phobia need to be on the alert.
Paul Di Filippo
Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1.
Chuck is the purveyor of News of the Weird, the syndicated column which for decades has set the gold-standard for reporting on oddities and the bizarre.
Our banner was drawn by the legendary underground cartoonist Rick Altergott.