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August 25, 2008

Criminal Confession For Sale

Ebay seller "pepullperson" once committed a crime that he's never told anyone about. But for the right price, he's willing to tell you. He says he's doing this to make some money so that his "loved ones are taken care of." Bidding is currently at $20, so he's well on his way.

My guess: He'll confess to committing eBay fraud. But what if the police are the winning bidders?
Posted By: Alex | Date: Mon Aug 25, 2008 | Comments (1)
Category: Business, Crime, Stupid Criminals

The South Will Collect Its Pensions Again!

How weird is it that there are still Confederate Widows alive? Although one named Maudie Hopkins died just recently, experts claim there are still other women alive who were once married to men who fought for the Confederacy. Obviously this bestselling novel will still have relevance for some time yet.



Posted By: Paul | Date: Mon Aug 25, 2008 | Comments (3)
Category: Animals, Death, Obituaries, History, Historical Figure, Hollywood, Literature, Books, Regionalism, War, Cartoons, Marriage

Accordion Revival

Be afraid, be very afraid. According to this LA TIMES article, one of the world's weirdest instruments, the accordion, is rising in popularity once again.

Here's a clip of one of the people spearheading the movement.

Posted By: Paul | Date: Mon Aug 25, 2008 | Comments (13)
Category: Entertainment, Fads, Music, ShowBiz

Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Monday

Most ambitious F-State scam ever
Feds indicted Angel Cruz, 49 (and who's still on the loose, though a reporter found him), accusing him of this plan: OK, you start a not-for-profit organization, and you hire immigrant workers and enter into business contracts with companies, but you also start something called United Cities Group, which, OK, work with me on this, issues its own currency, and then, with a straight face, you pay some of the workers and some of the contractees with UCG markers, and then, to show you've really got balls, you open an account at Bank of America in Miami and transfer some of your UCG "funds" there, like "$214 million" worth, and to complete the cycle, you get all huffy when BofA declines to let you withdraw greenbacks based on your "deposit," and you announce you're gonna take over the bank. (Bonus: The reporter managed to find one of the UCG clients, who said he still believes in Cruz and in fact had recently signed over his home to him.) Orlando Sentinel
Comments 'angel_cruz'

This is the kind of news that would cause Nat'l Public Radio to break into their regular programing
Two guys have been officially banned from the nat'l park system because they were caught vandalizing a marker at the Grand Canyon. It's NPR-intensive because what they were doing was part of a 2-month trans-America journey to correct typos on public monuments, to spare "innocent eyes" from being "befouled by vile stains on the delicate fabric of our language." (Using a marker and white-out, they repositioned an apostrophe and added a comma.) [Ed.: The purpose of language is to "communicate," no? Oh, wait, I forgot a secondary use: "a tool to facilitate class-distinction (applicable to members and aspirants)." Of course.] Associated Press via Yahoo
Comments 'typo_vandals'

Perp's explanation pretty much covers it
Terrance Massey was arrested at a traffic stop in Corpus Christi, Tex., even though he assured officers, "It's not my truck," then "If you find something, it's not mine," and finally, "If there's anything in that black bag, it's not mine." (50 rocks of crack) Corpus Christi Caller-Times
Comments 'nothings_mine'

He didn't abuse the British Muslim boys because they really wanted to flog themselves
The jury is still out on Syed Mustafa Zaidi in Manchester Crown Court, but he's got a point. During the annual Ashura celebration last yr (a huge deal among Shias), where the devout slice themselves up pretty good (you bleed, you lead), it's possible that the boys, ages 14 and 15, were just aspiring to sacredness. BBC News
Comments 'flog_themselves'

Now, sheepshearers want to be Olympians
They've been competing in Australia for 118 yrs; they have a six-time champ who can strip wool in 26 seconds; they're treated like heroes in New Zealand; they train for months to be in shape; they do the gym, the yoga, the special diets. Let them compete in 2012 in London! The head of Sports Shear Australia is insist—uh, excuse me . . "Sports Shear Australia"?. The Guardian (London)
Comments 'olympic_sheepshear'

"Some Britons too unruly for resorts in Europe"
headlined the New York Times. Money quote, from the mayor of Malia in Greece (Crete): "They scream, they sing, they fall down, they take their clothes off, they cross-dress, they vomit. It is only the British people, not the Germans or the French." New York Times
Comments 'unruly_britons'

"When good lizards go bad"
headlined the Wall Street Journal, from Indonesia. Problem: Enviros want to preserve the natural habitat (e.g., leave Komodo dragons wild), but villagers believe the carnivores are benevolent reincarnations of their ancestors (e.g., they feed 'em from the table, so to speak). The enviros are winning. The Komodos are now vicious, and kids are looking tasty. Who were these ancestors, anyway? Wall Street Journal
Comments 'wild_komodos'

Your Daily Loser
John Pearce, 32, tried to burglarize a home in Dartford, England, but got his foot caught in the window frame, and as he tried to wiggle out, wound up upside down. (Of course there's a photo!) Daily Mail
Comments 'john_pearce'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Gary Lintz, 43, who may or may not have started that "small" fire in Los Angeles's Griffith Park. Los Angeles Times
Comments 'gary_lintz'

More Things to Worry About on Monday
One answer to the question of where all that money goes that Nigerians rake in (scams and oil): £3.4m to a witch doctor for "juju" spells (including £1.2m burned to create ashes to smear on his body) . . . . . An academic says a main reason for women's declining church attendance in UK: "Buffy," e.g., women turning to female-empowering Wicca . . . . . Good idea: "safe haven" laws allowing lousy moms to hand over their tots if they can't handle parenthood (Bad idea: Nebraska'a law lets 'em hand over high school kids, too) . . . . . In Springfield, Mo., an epidemic of stealing, er, peepholes out of doors (with the motive being . . um . . uh . .) . . . . . The motive of Fr. Antonio Rungi of Italy is clear, though: to prove that ya don't have to be ugly to be a nun (but an online "Miss Sister 2008" contest?). Today's Newsrangers: Diana Lelle, Mindy Cohen, Sandy Pearlman, Joe Littrell, Rick Matz, Paul Music, Bruce Townley, Candy Clouston. (Reminder: August malaise, no post Tuesday)
Comments 'worry_080825'
Posted By: Chuck | Date: Mon Aug 25, 2008 | Comments (0)
Category:

August 24, 2008

On the Nod

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Now all those droopy-eyed slackers who are tired of drinking prescription cough syrup straight from the bottle have their own "anti-energy" drink, in the form of Drank.

When you wake up after trying this, please report back to WU Central with the results.
Posted By: Paul | Date: Sun Aug 24, 2008 | Comments (15)
Category: Business, Products, Drugs, Inebriation and Intoxicants, Regionalism

Bowanga Bowanga

BOWANGA BOWANGA, or "The White Sirens of Africa," is a lot less fun over sixty minutes of viewing than this select snippet pretends. So be content with what you see here, and save yourself a rental.

Posted By: Paul | Date: Sun Aug 24, 2008 | Comments (6)
Category: Fashion, Hollywood, Movies, Nature, Sex Symbols, Foreign Customs, Marriage, 1950's, Dance

August 23, 2008

They Never Said It

In my 'Odds and Ends' folder on my computer I've got a file called "They Never Said It." In it I put every example I come across of a famous line of dialogue that was never said by the fictional character it's attributed to. It's a fairly short list so far (a list of misquoted real-life people would be much longer), but this is what I've got:

"Beam me up, Scotty."
Never said by Captain Kirk in the original Star Trek television series.

"Just the facts, ma'am. Just the facts."
The signature line of Sgt. Joe Friday, lead character of the 1950s' television drama Dragnet. The closest he ever came to saying it was, "All we want are the facts, ma'am."

"Elementary, my dear Watson."
Never uttered by Sherlock Holmes in any of Arthur Conan Doyle's writings (though Holmes does, once, say 'Elementary'). The phrase was first used in a Sherlock Holmes movie in 1929.

"Play it again, Sam."
The actual line said by Ingrid Bergman's character in Casablanca is, "Play it, Sam. Play 'As Time Goes By'."

"What is it, girl? Timmy's fallen in the well?"
It's the signature line from the Lassie TV series, but it was never uttered. Timmy never fell down a well.

"Greed is good."
Attributed to Michael Douglas's character Gordon Gekko in the movie Wall Street. The actual line is "Greed, for lack of a better word, is good." Though in the trailer for the movie the line was shortened to "Greed is good."

"You dirty rat."
James Cagney's most famous line that he never said. The actual line from the 1932 film Taxi! is "Come out and take it, you dirty, yellow-bellied rat, or I'll give it to you through the door!"

"Judy, Judy, Judy."
Cary Grant's most quoted line. The closest he ever came to saying this was in the movie Only Angels Have Wings, in which his character's former girlfriend was called Judy and he said things such as, "Hello, Judy" or "Come on, Judy."
Posted By: Alex | Date: Sat Aug 23, 2008 | Comments (2)
Category: Literature, Movies, Television

It Takes a Weirdo to Know a Weirdo

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Under the aegis of my pal, Gorgeous and Brilliant Editor Ann VanderMeer, the legendary magazine WEIRD TALES is entering a renaissance. But Ann & company surely haven't forgotten the past, as they've compiled a list of the 85 weirdest storytellers of the past 85 years, to celebrate the zine's long existence.

And perhaps you won't be entirely surprised to learn that our own Chuck Shepherd made their honor roll! Don't let that sunny, smiling countenance to the right trick you into imagining he's not the equal of Stephen King or Warren Zevon!

Way to go, Chuck! H. P. Lovecraft is beaming down on you from above. Or up at you from below. Or through the cracks of the spacetime continuum.

The Birds

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A year ago, when I read this article about a local couple whose house was besieged and befouled by vultures, I just shrugged it off.

But now, encountering fresh news about a horde of filthy egrets, I realize that everything Alfred Hitchcock tried to warn us about is coming true!

Posted By: Paul | Date: Sat Aug 23, 2008 | Comments (4)
Category: Animals, Hygiene, Excrement, Movies, War

August 22, 2008

Listening to Reverse Lyrics

Are musicians placing hidden (often Satanic) reverse lyrics in their music? It's an old controversy, but also one that can offer an interesting psychological demonstration of the power of perceptual expectation. Which means, in plain English, that our brain makes our ears hear what it expects to hear.

Check out Jeff Milner's site devoted to backmasking. He has samples of popular songs. First play the songs forward. Then listen to them reversed. They probably sound like gibberish.

But next click the button to reveal the reverse lyrics that you're supposed to be able to hear and listen to the reversed music again. You should now be able to "hear" the reverse lyrics... because your brain is expecting to hear them. The British Psychological Society's blog writes:

Once the expectations for what to hear are in place, they can't be undone. You can't unhear the devilish lyrics once you know about them. This is a powerful demonstration of how our perceptual experiences are based not just on what is served up by our senses, but also on what our brains bring to the table.

My favorite reverse lyric was the one in Pink Floyd's Empty Spaces.
Posted By: Alex | Date: Fri Aug 22, 2008 | Comments (2)
Category: Music, Psychology
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All original content in posts is Copyright © 2008 by the author of the post, either Alex Boese ("Alex"), Paul Di Filippo ("Paul"), or Chuck Shepherd ("Chuck"). All rights reserved. The banner illustration at the top of this page is Copyright © 2008 by Rick Altergott.