Aussie night out: First, go to the pub and get seriously drunk. Next, climb the fence at the local crocodile farm and attempt to jump on a croc's back. Finally, go to the hospital and get leg sewn up. Had it been warmer outside instead of the hospital our hapless Aussie would most likely have ended up in the morgue. But fortunately for him crocs get sleepy in cold weather. Oh well, there is always next weekend to try for that Darwin Award dude.
News of the Weird/Pro Edition You're Still Not Cynical Enough
Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
July 10, 2010
(datelines July 3-July 10) (links correct as of July 12)
Florida's Limited Imagination About Sex, Plus Skinhead Remorse and Relatives Move Back Home
★ ★ ★ ★ ★!
Fine Points of F State Law: One might assume it illegal to be sitting in your car outside a convenience store while ostentatiously licking and slurping a big dildo a few feet away from a passing child--while, out of plain view, playing your lap piccolo. However, a Florida appeals court acquitted David Lowe, noting that state law requires penetration of "another person" in order to be doing "sexual activity" in public. [ed.: with mugshot, demonstrating that David's finding "another person" will be unlikely]. WKMG-TV (Orlando)
Fine Points of Texas Law: Murderer-rapist Irving Davis, 27, has challenged his conviction on the ground that the jury improperly considered his religious devoutness during deliberations--improper because Irving is a Satanist. (Appeals judge: "You've got to be kidding me!") No one knew about Davis's religion . . until he insisted that jailers bring him a gong, candles, chalice, black robes, and a vial of blood. Austin American-Statesman
American Ingenuity Will Get Us Out of the Recession: Alvin Greene is that South Carolina Senate candidate that no one ever heard of but who won the Democratic primary. As if to demonstrate his unfitness for public life, he agreed to sit, overmatched, for an interview with a reporter from London's wise-ass Guardian. From his Sanford & Son campaign home-office, he volunteered his economic platform: "Another thing we can do for jobs is make toys of me, especially for the holidays. Little dolls. Me. Like maybe little action dolls. Me in an army uniform, air force uniform, and me in my suit. [That idea]'s not something a typical person would bring up.") The Guardian
Recurring Theme, Except--: Jean Stevens, 91, is the latest to be caught living with room-temperatured relatives. She's different, though, because she actually had to go dig up her (then-recently-buried) husband and sister (instead of just leaving them in place when they expired), and also, according to this sympathetic report, she seems to really enjoy the (admittedly one-sided) conversations they still have. (Bonus: The authorities said she could keep the bodies at home if she builds 'em a crypt.) Associated Press via Hartford Courant
Henry Ostrander, 66, is one tough dude. Early on Wednesday June 30 Henry awoke to hear Esmerelda, his goat, 'scream' in distress. He hurried outside in his nightshirt to find a black bear attacking the goat. What Henry did next is nothing short of amazing, he ran up to the 300 pound bear and punched it in the snout. The bear was apparently stunned by the blow and ran off, climbing a tree. The goat was rescued and is doing fine. The bear, on the other hand, is not so good. It was later shot and killed while foraging in a trash can.
Paul Di Filippo
Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1.
Chuck is the purveyor of News of the Weird, the syndicated column which for decades has set the gold-standard for reporting on oddities and the bizarre.
Our banner was drawn by the legendary underground cartoonist Rick Altergott.