A new English-language e-zine, Jihad Recollections, gives tips to mujahadeen on how to eat right and exercise, to be a lean, ripped machine for killing all those enemies of Islam. (Imagined by ABC News reporter: "[Darling,] Do I look fat in this suicide vest?") ABC News
Back on the research radar: the fact that scorpion venom kills the cells of brain cancer (now that Univ. of Washington scientists have found "nanoparticles" that deliver the venom to just the right place). [Ed. "Nanoparticle" is scientific jargon for "some ultra-tiny-something that can't possibly be real and therefore you have to just trust us, OK?'"]KSL-TV (Salt Lake City)
I Don't Think So: A fired information-systems guy said the porn on his office computer must have been downloaded by someone else (all 24,000 images, organized into file directories). Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Internet Queen Susan Boyle, the frumpy Scottish singer, has been offered $1m by porn company Kick Ass Films of Los Angeles if she'll give up her virginity on camera. New York Daily News
Recurring Theme: Parking meter collectors do embezzle coins from time to time, but in Alexandria, Va., William Fell, 61, is The Man! ($170k in one year, probably four tons' worth, stored in his home) Washington Post
A crook who needs seasoning: stole iPods and computers from the Wal-Mart where he worked but then posted them for sale on the employee bulletin board. Billings Gazette (Billings, Mont.)
And another one: Teenager breaking into cars at 1 a.m. was so surprised that a uniformed cop was still in one of them, just coming off-duty, that right there on the spot, the boy got the runs. (Seriously.) Deseret News (Salt Lake City)
Town officials in Webster, N.Y. [CORRECTION: Mass.], would like you to know that the nearby lake is "Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg," not "Lake Chargoggagoggmanchaoggagoggchaubunaguhgamaugg." Associated Press via Boston Herald
[Jury Duty] Mr. Tahl Fishman, 35, Cleveland, Ohio, might or might not have tried to lure a 10-yr-old girl (via the Internet) for sex. Plain Dealer
Today's Newsrangers: Tom Barker, Kevin Tohill, Harry Farkas, Scott Langill, Tom Burnett
Suspicions Confirmed: A recent British reality show mingled (a) five people who have histories of serious mental illness with (b) five who don't, then ran them through provocative situations, then asked three mental-health professionals to try to ID which ones were which. The pros would have done better flipping a coin. In other words, we're all nuts.New York Times
The reporting's not good here, so I don't stand behind it, but it says here that the adult daughter of a 67-yr-old man diagnosed with colon cancer has been drinking his daughter's breast milk regularly and that, hey, it helps. Yahoo Lifestyle[EDITING UPDATE: Well . . . that "the adult daughter of" doesn't really belong in the sentence, now, does it?]
Jealousy at Club 1245 in Akron, Ohio: An incumbent stripper stabbed a new-hire stripper with a stiletto shoe. (Bonus Leading Economic Indicator: Incumbent's 45 yrs old, newcomer's 52.) Akron Beacon-Journal
In London, some critics of police brutality propose making riot-control cops wear jerseys with numbers, like football players, to make it easier to ID them. Daily Star
KTRK-TV (Houston, Tex.) has the photo of Daniel Duran being led away by police after the bank robbery bag he got from a Wachovia branch exploded on him, bloodying his, er, lower abdomen . . on down further. KTRK-TV
This one's not really that weird; I just wanted the opportunity to pay a tribute by using "polopponies" in Weird Universe. [If you know what I'm talking about, great.]South Florida Sun-Sentinel
One of the hottest-selling books in India, especially among business students: Mein Kampf, which is viewed nowadays as a self-improvement guide and management text. Daily Telegraph (London)
London's Daily Mail made Freedom of Information Act demands on local councils' expenditures on political-correctness jobs, finding, e.g., a "toothbrush advisor" for schools, a "befriending coordinator," a "breastfeeding peer support coordinator." Daily Mail
Today's Newsrangers: Paul Blumstein, Scott Langill, Melinda Boyer
A prosperous banker-type, an American Indian, a sailor (or is he a Turkish immigrant?), and what looks to be Uncle Sam, are all sitting around in front of a billboard, having a gay old chat, when out of a handy box pops the sexy cigarette fairy, who dispenses butts to all, even scattering them around in bountiful waste. Then a sign is unfurled, claiming WE ALL SMOKE.
Massive WTF attack, all thanks to Thomas Alva Edison!
Great Art! (1) Mexican Raul Ortega Ayala's London show of cheese made from human breast milk. (2) New Jersey plastic surgeon Anthony Berlet's New York show (via photos) of his (and 3 colleagues') all-time masterpieces of nipping and tucking. Sunday Express (London) ///New York Times
An Afghan ayatollah made it official: A wife can indeed say 'no' to her husband's sexual demands, but on the other hand, since she has a 'duty' to him, he can retaliate by cutting back on his duty . . to feed her. Reuters
Turns out America's premier all-time mobster Al Capone was a sentimental music composer, and the sheet music for his Italian love song (from Alcatraz) is on sale for $65k ("Madonna mia / You're the bloom of the roses / You're the charm that reposes" and "With your true love to guide me / Let whatever betide me")/ Associated Press via The Pantagraph (Bloomington, Ill.) /// Lyrics
No Longer Weird: Takes her kid on a shoplifting frolic, flees from security guard, leaves kid behind. TCPalm.com (Stuart, Fla.)
Can't Possibly Be True: Brand-new bride is a genuine babe, and she's all into fishing, camping, four-wheeling, hunting (posing in wedding dress, with rifle and turkey kill). Knoxville News-Sentinel
In Surrey, British Columbia, police broke up a scuffle between husband and wife fighting over . . a TV news report about violence. Vancouver Sun
New asylum strategy: Kansas detainee David Kihuha has avoided two deportation dates (to Kenya) by smearing his own caca on himself when it's time to leave. Kansas City Star
Recurring Theme: If ya stop along the side of the road at night to pee after you've been drinking, you're beggin' for it, like this guy who fell off a bridge into the Minnesota River. Associated Press via St. Paul Pioneer Press[LINK FIXED][AND CORRECTION: He didn't actually fall "into" the river, but close.]
[Jury Duty] Another one of those "Arrest him immediately because he's bound to have committed some crime" (although we don't know which because The Smoking Gun only put up the photo). TheSmokingGun.com
Today's Newsrangers: Sandy Pearlman, Peter Suber, Bobby Stout
Paul Di Filippo
Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1.
Chuck is the purveyor of News of the Weird, the syndicated column which for decades has set the gold-standard for reporting on oddities and the bizarre.
Our banner was drawn by the legendary underground cartoonist Rick Altergott.