Mondegreens is the term for mishearings of song lyrics. For instance, many people mishear the Creedence Clearwater Revival song "Bad Moon on the Rise" as "Bathroom on the right".
The Language Log notes that a new spin on this old phenomenon is for people to find foreign language videos and then to interpret the lyrics as if the people were speaking in English. The linguists are calling this "Autour-du-mondegreens" ("autour du monde" means "around the world" in french).
One of the classics of this new genre is a Dutch children's video, which is construed in English as having the recurring lyric "Fart in the Duck" (Warning: the captions are NSFW):
And here's an example in which lyrics are transliterated from English into Bulgarian gibberish:
A Machine to Cure Headaches
Sufferers from chronic headaches may be interested in the contrivance pictured herewith. The inventor calls it a mechanical chiropractor and he says that through its use it is possible to find relief from headaches, poor circulation and indigestion.
The machine is somewhat complicated but it is said to put a patient through a course of exercises as vigorous as those employed by a skilled chiropractor. It is said to also correct curvature of the spine, weakness and many other ailments in the treatment of which the average chiropractor specializes.
Oklahomans need more protection than you
The legislature is on the verge of banning eyeball tattoos (which sound hoaxy, anyway, but apparently are real) because senators worry about the danger even "if . . . one person" does it. So far, the other 49 states don't believe any of their people are dumb enough to let someone prick their scleras. London's The Sun has the photo of someone getting one, from a year ago. KSBI-TV (Oklahoma City) ///The Sun Comments 'eyeball_tattoos'
More Things to Worry About
Cliché Come to Life: Charming New York art dealer Mark Zaplin said it's not his fault if those nuns he bought the $2.2M painting from for $450,000 don't have any business sense. [Ed.: Wait, what's the cliché here? Oh, yeah, I forgot: Zaplin's doomed, according to two dozen or so horror movies.]New York Post
Life Is Too Long: (1) John Allwood, 29, broke his own world record by smashing 47 watermelons over his head at the Chinchilla Melon Festival in Australia. (2) So far, 18,000 have signed up to watch, over the 'net, the first-ever live birth of an elephant. Australian Broadcasting Corp. News///Agence France-Presse via Yahoo
Undignified Death: A 28-yr-old man was run over on Miami's Palmetto Expressway in the middle of the night after he fell off an over-the-highway sign he was tagging. (Upstate, in Fort Walton Beach, a 25-yr-old man didn't quite cross over . . yet, anyway . . in his try, but he did get arrested for trespass because apparently he had to use his neighbor's garage to gas himself.) WPLG-TV (Miami) ///Northwest Florida Daily News
Recurring Themes: (1) A high official at OSHA ($150k/yr) has been on paid leave for nearly 19 months with utterly no work to do after a spit-spat with his boss. (2) An Arkansas insurance company is the latest to deny an employee's worker compensation claim because the employee, on the job but in violation of the rules, was badly injured when he went to help a female customer who was getting beaten up. Washington Post///KLRT-TV (Little Rock)
Comments on Things to Worry About? Comments 'worry_090223'
Your Daily Loser
Bad enough that David Kocmit, 27, falsely told police that he had been beaten up by three black men in the parking lot of a strip club in Cleveland. Worse that there was surveillance video proving that there was no attack and that Kocmit had just stumbled and fallen on his face. Worse yet that when confronted with the video, Kocmit still wouldn't give his story up. Plain Dealer Comments 'david_kocmit'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Public wankers: Danny Lovvern, 34, Belleville, Ill., accused of standing outside his house "every" morning and saluting the little kids walking by to school. And then there's Aussie Kevin Loomes, 58, who (yikes!) used to be media director for Queensland gov't's emergency services. Belleville News-Democrat /// Australian Associated Press via Herald Sun (Melbourne)
And this guy's is way-worse than yours: He reported to the ER at Huntsville (Ala.) Hospital last Wednesday with a crochet needle in his urethra. AWI, but still . . .. News Courier (Athens, Ala.) Comments 'lovvern_loomes'
Today's Newsrangers: Tom Norris, Jerry Whittle, Sandy Pearlman, Stephen Taylor, Don Schullian
The Worcester's buttonquail was supposed to be extinct, but a recent photo turned up of a live one in the Philippines, so it wasn't extinct (but now it is because that one was cluelessly sold for food at a poultry market). National Geographic
Update: Crazy ol' Jonathan Lee Riches, the federal inmate who is positively the looniest serial litigator in all of America's hoosegows, just filed again, claiming that many of his problems (which are legion) stem from his addiction to NASCAR (which is NASCAR's fault). Nashville City Paper///Riches's Wikipedia entry
A gay Heathrow airport security guard won £62.5k ($89k) because his female boss constantly dissed his sexuality, why, once even shaking her breasts at him! Daily Mail
Least Competent Police: In Ireland, cops were quite alarmed about a scofflaw Polish motorist with about 50 accumulated tickets, until they realized that it was really several Polish motorists who were ticketed, and the reason the same name was reported is that Irish cops were copying "Prawo Jazdy" off the Polish license, thinking t was the guy's name, but it was just "driver's license" in Polish. Reuters via Yahoo
Hoax Alert: The reporter for that fabulous story in this space on Wednesday (about the Chinese guy with a wife and five gals on the side) got fired yesterday for plagiarism, having lifted the story from a magazine, and his editor is investigating whether it's a true plagiarized story or a made-up plagiarized story. People's Daily (Beijing)
Irony from a certain age: Years ago, Maytag appliances were advertised as extremely low-maintenance (The Maytag repairman was "the loneliest man in town"), so now comes Maytag repairman Darin French of Incline Village, Nev., convicted yesterday of a scheme of overbilling the company for warranty work on that low-maintenance stuff. Associated Press via Yahoo
Comments on Things to Worry About? Comments 'worry_090220'
Your Daily Jury Duty ["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
Raymond Marston, Tampa, who . . ah, screw it . . guilty . . too easy. All right, Ryan Hayes, 49, Golden, Colo., who may have shot his dog or may simply be the owner of a dog that jumped on the pistol and shot himself . . well . . between the eyes? Mmmm, OK, he's guilty, too. How about Sandra Stephens-Foster, 60, who may have been driving shit-faced, chased by cops for an hour, but then getting caught when she stopped to drop off her car with a valet at the Dallas-Fort Worth airport? Naaa, she's goin' down, too. The hell with it. See ya Monday. St. Petersburg Times///KMGH-TV (Denver) ///Fort Worth Star-Telegram /// Dallas Morning News[Stephens-Foster backstory, if you're interested]] Comments 'marstonhayes_stephensfoster'
Today's Newsrangers: Jeff Powell, Emory Kimbrough, Stephen Taylor, Ted Kowalczyk, Dan Asimov, Stuart Worthington, Sue Clark, Bruce Townley
Paul Di Filippo
Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1.
Chuck is the purveyor of News of the Weird, the syndicated column which for decades has set the gold-standard for reporting on oddities and the bizarre.
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