and the Afternoon Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Friday
Leicester University researchers learned by brain probes that when you recognize a celebrity or landmark, it means that there's a specific cell up there for each ID, like, you may have a "Jennifer Aniston cell," or, I guess, a "Carrot Top cell." Daily Mail
Massachusetts state Sen. Dianne Wilkerson, who's been suspected of cutting corners on all sorts of things for years, was arrested on federal bribery-type charges, caught on video (the prosecutor says) stuffing a $1k payout into her bra. Boston Herald
Your house cat chasing its tail in circles? Break out the Prozac. Dogs and cats do the same OCD things that humans do. MSNBC
A cop directing traffic at an all-day rock concert in a Dallas suburb had his truck stolen at the scene, but fortunately the redneck's escape route took him right past the traffic-director. Dallas Morning News[with guilt-confirming mugshot]
If you're rich and have a horrible phobia (such as of being buried alive), you can address the fear creatively, like building yourself a crypt with food, fresh air, water, and a TV so that if they do make a mistake, you'll survive. Wall Street Journal
Undignified Deaths: A 54-yr-old, longtime "aquaholic" OD'd with a garden faucet (Newbury, England), and an armed robbery suspect accidentally crashed his getaway bicycle, fatally rupturing an artery (Fresno, Calif.). Daily Mail///KSEE-TV (Fresno)
Today's Newsrangers: Sandy Pearlman, Mark Neunder, Bill Wheeler, Candy Clouston, Sam Gaines, Kurt Knochel, Tom Barker, Brendan Brady, Scott Langill, Ken Berkun (and lots 'n' lots who sent in the cop-directing-traffic story) Comments on the Afternoon Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Friday? Comments 'cycle_081031'
Yes, for only $60.00 you can replace the rubber band that's currently wrapped around your driver's license and credit cards with an ACM Wallet, much too bulky to fit into any pocket or purse, but perfect for a Sherpa's knapsack. Imagine the awed look when you whip this out at a restaurant or store.
I imagine the reaction you'd get would look something like this:
and the Morning Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Friday
The ridiculously horny priest Elvis Elano
The New York Catholic diocese is being sued for $25m for Fr. Elano's God-sanctioned trysts with the now-50-yr-old woman, and The Smoking Gun has documents and a hot photo (er, of him, that is). There's also an invoice for way-overpriced mail-order Viagra. The diocese, as is typical over the yrs, immediately cracked down on Fr. Elano . . by, er, transferring him to another parish. The Smoking Gun Comments 'elvis_elano'
Nov. 4th will be interesting, at the polls; Nov. 5th will be even more interesting, in courtrooms
Here's just one slice, from one story: In Madison County, Miss., about one-fifth more people are registered to vote than there are people over age 18 in the county, including 486 people who are 105 yrs old or more. Federal law prevents even legitimate attempts to clean registration lists within 90 days of an election. (This doesn't necessarily mean that a lot of, or even any, fictitious people will be allowed to cast votes, but it does guarantee that if elections are close, there will be lawsuits galore.) WLBT-TV (Jackson) Comments 'november_5th'
Your Daily Loser
Gary Walker is the name of the guy I flagged for you on Tuesday as the cell-phone thief done in by having snapped a downloadable picture of himself with "his" new phone. Turns out he has at least six other warrants outstanding, including shoplifting from a blind merchant. It appears that he's moved along the chain because the cell phone he took was from a deaf woman. Problem: A deaf person can see, and she ID'd him from the photo he snapped. Cincinnati Enquirer Comments 'gary_walker'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
An unnamed man in Denton, Tex., was arrested last week after he shoplifted a "male enhancement" cream at a department store, immediately retreated to the men's room to apply it, and then, newly fortified, he went to the toy section of the store, unzipped, and went on display. Dallas Morning News Comments 'enhancement_cream'
Your Daily Jury Duty [no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
He's 19 and allegedly already into moonshine. (Bonus [that I order you to ignore!]: He's the son of actor Bill Pullman.) Asheville Citizen-Times Comments 'moonshine_pullman'
More Things to Worry About on Friday
A de-licensed chiropractor-landlord in Hawaii was accused by impoverished tenants of performing free-lance, experimental "stem cell" injections all over their bodies, including the eyes (under threat of eviction if they declined). Honolulu Advertiser
A straight-A high school student in southern Israel, striving for authenticity in a class project, dressed up like a terrorist to check out people's (and police's) reactions! BBC News
New world record . . for most cosmetic surgeries on one woman (100) (cost: the equivalent today of $875k). Daily Mail (London)
Chutzpah! A county employee in Montana pleaded guilty to pocketing $40k in gov't and community funds (and is being sued for pocketing $118k more than that), but the important thing, he now demands in a counterclaim, is that he wants the salary and bennies he "earned" while sitting out the period of investigation. Montana Standard (Butte)
During particularly explicit testimony at a sexual assault trial in Napanee, Ontario, this week (i.e., "I was forced into a threesome" versus "No, you loved it"), the key prosecution witness laid her credibility on the line when she swore the coach has three testicles. The Star (Toronto)
It says here that a suspected DUI driver near Osternarke, Sweden, offered up a defense to the cop that she was trying so hard to drive carefully, even going to the trouble of keeping one eye closed, to prevent her from seeing double. The Local (Stockholm)
It's Halloween year-round in Japan, what with scary supernaturals like the filth licker, the demon hag, a raccoon dog with huge testicles, the slash-mouth woman, and kappa (a monster who is notably flatulent). Washington Post
Comments on More Things to Worry About on Friday? Comments 'worry_081031'
and the Afternoon Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Wednesday
Vietnam gov't bureaucrats done lost their minds: proposal to ban motorbike drivers whose chests measure under 28 inches (as a proxy for weakness or sickliness). Associated Press via Arizona Republic
How to tell if you get seriously cold feet about your upcoming wedding: You burn down the entire hotel where it's to take place. Reuters via Yahoo
Recurring Theme (with added panache): DUI . . on a steamroller. KTBC-TV (Austin, Tex.)
Kimberly Messer, 18, explains doing 107 mph in a construction zone: I didn't even see the signs. Hel-lo! I was on the phone! KVAL-TV (Eugene, Ore.)
There was a 5-lb. bulge in her baby's diaper, which the 21-yr-old Mexican woman crossing into Hidalgo, Tex., told the border agent it was only the kid's dump, which would have been awesome in itself, but she was actually smuggling sausage. McAllen Monitor
Professor Music's Weird Link o' the Day
It's from Japan and appears to be an illustrated, er, um, well, catalog, of cat fashions, all modeled handsomely by what looks like a pair of stuffed kitties. But it's in Japanese so I don't know if ya can actually buy the stuff. Nice attention to detail, in that some of the cat hats have little ear-fitting protrusions. PetOffice.co.jp
Today's Newsrangers: David Melcher, Candy Clouston, Mark Neunder, Mindy Cohen, Paul Blumstein, Val Stephenson Comments on the Afternoon Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Wednesday? Comments 'cycle_081029'
"Let's take a screeching unfunny harridan, dress her in Colonial drag, then simulate a hideous war wound using our product as a makeshift sling. Then, let's run the ad in a magazine filled with beautiful naked women for contrast."