News of the Weird/Pro Edition You're Still Not Cynical Enough
Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
March 28, 2011
(datelines March 19-March 26) (links correct as of March 28)
Rooster-Fighters Under Siege, Plus No Friending the Grizzlies and the Glory of Muck
★ ★ ★ ★!
Nightmare in Phoenix: You're minding your own business running a little suburban cockfighting emporium until, whoa! . . Here comes the cavalry! . . Sheriff Joe! . . He's got a tank! . . Armored vehicles! . . Rolling over neighbors' lawns! . . And with his head sticking out of the tank (Michael Dukakis-style)--Steven Seagal! KPHO-TV
The Tea Party Has Washington Under Control: Federal government managers no longer dare wasting money hiring people at ridiculous salaries to do non-totally-necessary jobs! have job openings for people to run the Facebook page at the Department of the Interior ($115,000/yr), to be mailroom clerk at the Pentagon (almost $50,000/yr), to be student intern at the Federal Housing Finance Agency ($48,000/yr), and to be equal opportunity compliance officers and the Peace Corps ($155,000/yr) and the Department of Transportation (nearly $180,000/yr). Daily Caller
There Will Be Blood: Julie Sygiel and Brown University classmate Eunice Png [Bonus: not a typo!] have apparently solved a girl-type problem that America's top corporations have failed at until now. Their company (Sexy Period) creates hottie underwear, durable and leak-proof enough to be worn during curse time, even "heavy" curse time. Brown Daily Herald
"Blanket Party" Beatdown, Tonight, Indianapolis, Be There!: Jacob Barnett, 12 (and 170 IQ), knows more than I and all y'all put together, in higher math, quantum physics, advanced astronomy. He's let the air out of the Big Bang, is working some glitches out of Einstein's Theory of Relativity, and says he'll let us know soon what really happened to create "time." "It didn't come from me," said his mother. "I flunked math." Best guess by doctors is that he's an Asperger's outlier, but Yr Editor is not ruling out "pod person from another dimension." Indianapolis Star
All Things Dirt: "Filth, fecal matter, and grime in all [their] forms are the subject of a new exhibition in London," reported Reuters (200 exhibits, ranging from dust and urine to vials of historic crud and odes to famous pillars of sewage and medical scum). "Dirt, the Filthy Reality of Everyday Life" is now playing at the Wellcome Collection. "I want people to leave with an expanded awareness of dirt," said the curator. Reuters via Yahoo News
At least for now Maine has bested Pennsylvania in who made the largest whoopie pie, chocolate cakes with creamy frosting between them. There is still the question of where the treat originated though. Maine claimed to be the home of the whoopie pie, but PA says not so, it originated with their Amish community. So a 250 pound whoopie pie was made in Pennsylvania which gave them the record for the largest one. Now Maine has snatched that title with a 1,067 pound whoopie pie. They sure made a lot of whoopie in Maine!
This is a poster currently on sale at Etsy, under the title of "The Fox Catcher," discovered by reader Deborah Newton. Does anyone recognize the fable that it illustrates? The essential events are truly weird.
1) A fox comes to a house and steals away a child.
2) The parents track down the fox to his lair and lure him out with drum and violin music.
3) The fox is beaten and/or killed, and the tearful child is saved.
I thought I knew a lot of fairytales, but this one escapes me!
Paul Di Filippo
Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1.
Chuck is the purveyor of News of the Weird, the syndicated column which for decades has set the gold-standard for reporting on oddities and the bizarre.
Our banner was drawn by the legendary underground cartoonist Rick Altergott.