Ten minutes to the next stop and this British train rider would have lived to die of lung cancer. The man forced open an emergency exit between cars on a commuter train, or the tube as it is called over there, and leaned out to have a smoke. Unfortunately he slipped and fell off the train which was travelling at 50MPH. The rider was then dragged under the train and decapitated. OUCH, that's gotta hurt.
News of the Weird/Pro Edition You're Still Not Cynical Enough
Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
June 27, 2011
(datelines June 18-June 25) (links correct as of June 27)
The Eighth Continent, Plus Barf Bag Professional
From Yr Editor
This is the 4th of 4 consecutive relaxed-fit editions. Next Monday (which is some sort of holiday in America), I will resume taking full responsibility for your proper cynicalization.
★ ★ ★ ★!
World Tour Announced: When disaster hits the U.S., we tend to tarry in cleaning it up (e.g., government turf fighting, contractor battles, the permit process), but a lot of (most of?) the 25 million tons of debris created when the March 11th tsunami came ashore in Japan has been nicely dealt with [Take these scenes, for example] . . except for that debris that washed back out to sea. Well, thanks to the miracle of ocean currents, we who never made it to Japan can catch live performances of the debris for the next several decades, at least, and researchers have already predicted the playdates for the next 10 years, in some places featuring Tsunami Debris's joint concerts jamming with the incumbent groups, the Great Eastern Pacific Garbage Patch and the Great Western Pacific Garbage Patch. Mother Nature Network
Rationed Health Care Outrage! No Hysterectomies for Men!: Alec Esquivel is suing the health insurance provider for the Oregon state government, which denied him a hysterectomy. (Well, he's a female-to-male transgender, and his remaining useless girl parts are at risk for ovarian and uterine cancer.) The quasi-"death panel" list of benefits says hysterectomies are only for ladies. Statesman-Journal (Salem)
Recurring Theme: Luke Chrisco, 30, was arrested in Vail, Colo., for a traffic offense--and also because had been sought several days earlier in Boulder after being ID'ed as the man peering up through the hole in the portable toilet at a Boulder yoga festival. (Bonus: The Smoking Gun ran down his Facebook page, including an April entry in which he recounted spending the night in a cardboard box in a Dumpster at a construction site . . rather than the Greyhound bus station . . because the station "smelled weird.") (Double Bonus: He's also "Skye Oryan, the biggest jackass on earth," it says.) Daily Camera (Boulder) /// The Smoking Gun
Another brand-new, student-ready school ($105 million worth!) will have to go unopened for 2011-12 . . because California doesn't have enough money to operate it. USA Today
"Your Honor, please, I need to change my name" . . from the extremely embarrassing (might have been drunk at the time) [ed.: Everything in brackets is Yr Editor, censoring] "Mister(I) Radical [F-word] Censorship [N-word with prefix "Super"] [N-word]." "I want to change it to "David [N-word] means human [N-word with prefix "Super"]." Weekly Alibi (Albuquerque) [6-15-2011] [This was a Legal Notice and not available online. Geeks can look it up by going to http://nmcourts.gov/caselookup/, selecting Search by Case Number, and entering D 202 CV 201105486]
Parkridge Medical Center in Chattanooga, TN will be covering the cost of an exhumation, a reburial and a set of dentures. It seems a patient passed away, was sent to the undertaker and consequently buried wearing the dentures of his hospital roommate. The deceased is being exhumed to remove the dentures at his family's request though, not to retrieve them for the owner.(Thank goodness!)
DNA has finally jumped the shark. An apartment complex in Lebanon, NH Is now requiring doggie DNA samples in the leases. This is in order to catch owners who do not clean up after Fido. Samples of poop litter will be tested and the DNA checked against resident dog samples. If the DNA matches one of the resident dogs the owner of the guilty K9 will be fined according to management.