Weird Universe Weblog

Seattle Cops Gun Down a History Major, and the Norse God Thor Drives Off a Burglar

2009-01-05T15:21:00Z

More Things to Worry About
from News of the Weird Daily
Monday, January 5, 2009

In Sicily's Tremestieri shopping mall, they've put in a chapel, so bargain-hunters can get in a little praying on the side. Agence France-Presse via Yahoo

"Many" [fudge-word alert!] of the 85-unit Habitat for Humanity community Fairway Oaks in northern Florida (Jimmy Carter was once in the house, working!) are about to sue because their 8-yr-old homes are falling apart (but "others" say the problem is that the complainers live like pigs). The Times (London)

Seattle police shot and killed a "Nazi" who turned out just to be a history major at Univ. of Washington and who had made the unwise decision to stay in German military character when cops challenged him (alcohol was involved). Associated Press via Daily Record (Hackensack, N.J.)

A home intruder in Edinburgh, Scotland, on New Year's day ran into the resident just coming back from a party, who happened to be dressed as the Norse god Thor, carrying his hammer, which thus frightened the intruder, who fled, leaving his shoes and weapon behind. BBC News

Rehab failed: According to police, Sean Hawkins Jr., 19, released from jail on an assault charge, walked right out into the parking lot and jacked an SUV to get home. Washington Post

Texas officials have temporarily shut down a jail in Montague County after learning that the inmates basically ran it (e.g., some cells locked only from the inside; some cells had recliners). Associated Press via Yahoo

Readers' Choice: Detroit lawyer James Howarth picked up some free worldwide publicity by disclosing that IRS had spent 42 cents to tersely bill him a nickel but then learned that it actually owed Howarth 4 cents, which the law allows him to recover only if he asks for it (since it's under a dollar). Associated Press via Boston Herald

Comments on Things to Worry About?
Comments (3)

Your Daily Jury Duty
["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
Richard Nunez, 45, Portsmouth, N.H. Is he going down? Portsmouth Herald [Ed.: Oh . . oh, yeah, the alleged crime . . um . . super-gluing his neighbor's door lock, preventing her from going into her apartment]
Comments (4)

Professor Music's Weird Links
A man, an obsession, a webpage: Dumpsters are being misused. When Dumpsters are abused, evil occurs, such as abortion. Become a Dumpster monitor (special T-shirts available!) Dumpster Damnation
Comments (3)

Today's Newsrangers: D.R. Smith, Steve Miller, Stephen Taylor, Tom Barker, Perry Levin, Mike Mendenhall, Emory Kimbrough, and many on the Readers' Choice

Willoughby Sharp, RIP

2009-01-05T14:43:00Z

The newly deceased artist Willoughby Sharp sounds like a WEIRD UNIVERSE kinda guy. Judge for yourself by the following short film in which he stars.

Kenner 1973 Toy Catalog, #8

2009-01-05T14:42:00Z

With small, ingenious modifications, may also be used as penis pump.

Outlook for Pencil Sharpeners

2009-01-05T12:39:00Z

This book by Philip Parker seems like a bargain for only $795, but since it doesn't discuss letter handling machines, I'm going to have to pass:

The 2007-2012 World Outlook for Electric Pencil Sharpeners, Staplers, and Other Electric Office Machines Excluding Mailing, Letter Handling, and Addressing Machines

It’s California, So Even Pets Get Rehab for Arthritis and Torn ACLs

2009-01-05T11:18:00Z

News of the Weird Daily
Monday, January 5, 2009

When California dogs hobble, or rabbits can't hop, they get acupuncture and underwater-treadmill exercise
The vets' clinic does ordinary muscle-massage, too, and arthritic dog elbows are a problem, but the most valuable service seems to be nutrition counseling, since, if you've got the money to pay for PT for your cat, you're probably also letting it stuff its tiny little face at dinnertime, and "95 percent" of the clinic's clients are overweight, burdening their joints. The animals, of course, were unavailable for comment. Los Angeles Times
Comments (3)

"When [my nearly-6-yr-old] is ready [to stop breast-feeding], he'll quit"
ABC's 20-20 featured Robyn Paul last Friday night swearing that her three kids have turned out great after having been nursed way beyond infancy, including current kindergartner Tiernan, who asks for his "nummies" two or three times a day. Says Robyn, Americans are so hung up on breasts! Prolonged suckling "gives [her kids] the start they deserve in life." ABC News
Comments (15)

In Australia, some cops are such 'fraidy cats about real guns that they're building them a high-tech gunfire simulator
For the New South Wales police, it has also been a budget problem because their real-time firing range is so small, but whatever the reason, some cops now serve well into their tours of duty actually being wimpy about guns. Sydney Morning Herald
Comments (11)

Serving the disabled: seeing-eye dogs, service monkeys, comfort parrots
Some people with mental disorders have found relief in pets and want them respected just as much as seeing-eye dogs. (On the other hand, they have mental problems, so think about this carefully.) For instance, one guy with a parrot is a psychotic who turns into an Incredible-Hulk type, ready to kick the ass of everyone in sight, unless "Sadie" squawks him down. And for instance, is Debby Rose's monkey Richard a "service" animal or a "therapy"/"comfort" animal? That's important, under the Americans With Disabilities Act, along with species limitations, e.g., seeing-eye miniature horses might be better than dogs, but, well, they're horses. Richard sits in a high chair in restaurants, which sometimes grosses out diners, but when Debby falls into a panic attack, Richard strokes her hair, and she's fine. And what about the merely neurotic woman who wants to take her pocket pooch with her wherever she goes? New York Times Magazine
Comments (18)

Stop the presses: Americans are gullible
A bunch of well-meaning West Virginians obsessively collected hundreds of thousands of plastic twist-off tops from soft drinks because it was well-known in the communities that some organization would sponsor free chemotherapy for the needy if enough caps were collected. Who told 'em that? Somebody. Don't know. A few say they heard it from a church deacon. "The Internet" was probably involved. This problem will probably only get worse, since society is growing to disfavor institutional gate-keepers, such as newspaper editors (who occasionally make mistakes but far more often prevent ridiculous information from circulating). [Ed.: Your Honorable Editor, being of a certain age and training, reports only reliable news, but readers of this-here blog are pretty savvy, anyway.] Associated Press via Charleston Gazette
Comments (17)

Life in Arkansas
Kevin Robinson, 35, was charged in Fayetteville with videoing an underage girl in the shower, but it turns out his longtime girlfriend Lela Churchwell set him up because she's (by her own words) a pathological liar and she is pregnant by another man and wanted to blackmail Kevin into moving out of the house but continuing to pay the mortgage, and she also hit him with a shovel, and the police still refused to drop the charge against him, and that's how things work in Arkansas. Whew! (In fact, life is so tough in Arkansas that Jackie Thacker Jr., only 28, purposely violated his parole last week in Fort Smith in order to get sent back to the relative safety of the slammer.) Northwest Arkansas Times /// Times Record (Fort Smith)
Comments (2)

Your Daily Jury Duty
["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
Jason Vibber, 25, Clermont, Fla., looks terribly upset, but maybe just upset at being falsely accused of a crime? WFTV (Orlando)
Comments (4)

Name That List, #12

2009-01-05T12:00:00Z

What is this a list of? Click on "More" or "Comments" for the answer.

A live opossum in a cage
An 8' tall and 8' wide 800-pound peach
A wooden duck
A mossbunker fish
A lighted ukulele
A 900-pound brass acorn
A walleye fish named "Captain Wylie Walleye"
A wooden cow
A large Lebanon bologna stick
A sphoctagon
A huckleberry
A wooden cigar held by a lion
An illuminated pear
A giant electric moon pie

Answer: Objects dropped to commemorate New Year's Eve. Source: Wikipedia.

(A sphoctagon is "a metal ball with blunted sides in the shape of a three-dimensional octagon".)

Kenner 1973 Toy Catalog, #7

2009-01-04T14:46:00Z

Evil Randy Runcemeyer had the stag cassettes, featuring Fat Albert and Sabrina doing the nasty!

Man vs. Watermelon

2009-01-03T15:54:00Z

If there's a special stunt you claim to be able to perform, at least be able to do it. Otherwise you'll end up on TV with people watching in horror as you desperately slam your head against a watermelon.

Kenner 1973 Toy Catalog, #6

2009-01-03T13:42:00Z

With these kids, hygiene has crossed the line to perversion.

Washington’s Innovative Programs (and Matthew Peverada’s Innovative Crime Strategy)

2009-01-02T16:00:01Z

More Things to Worry About
from News of the Weird Daily
Friday, January 2, 2009

2 British EMTs were arrested, captured on audio debating whether to help the heart-attack victim or to report him as DOA (because the victim's phone was still open back to the 999 [911] dispatcher). The Times

Washington state presses a bold, innovative gov't strategy: If an illegal alien commits a crime, deport him instead of buying him room and board in jail. Bold. Who could object to that? Oh. Associated Press via MSNBC

Washington, D.C., presses a bold, innovative, cost-cutting gov't strategy: If someone goes to the public library to sleep, kick 'em out. Who could object to that? Oh. (Said an advocate for the homeless, it'll "be hard on people.") Washington Post

Yes, the lawyer fell asleep during his client's robbery trial, but nothing to see here, says a federal appeals court (since even a caffeine-addled Type A personality lawyer couldn't have saved this guy). Tampa Tribune

Matthew Peverada tried to rob Dipietro's Market twice, but there was no money either time, so he said he'd be back at 11 p.m. and that there better be money (unclear about money at 11, but there were definitely cops at 11). Portland Press Herald

It's tough being the $150,000 clone of your owner's beloved dog Missy and having the owner sarcastically dogging you, "Hrmmph! Missy was housebroken." New York Times

Comments on Things to Worry About?
Comments (12)

Your Daily Loser
Roy Harris, 44, lost his hand in a fireworks accident, and it wasn't even New Year's Eve. It was 3 days before. He had just left his AA meeting, was in the parking lot, and somehow (not a part of the 12 steps) got convinced to hold 50 sparklers together in his hand. Associated Press via KWCH-TV (Wichita, Kan.)
Comments (14)

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Michael Dick, 46 and dressed like the day he was born, allegedly broke into the home of an 88-yr-old woman and tried to dry-hump her several times before she grabbed his jewels and gave 'em a yank, sending him fleeing. KPTV (Portland, Ore.)
Comments (6)

Today's Newsrangers: Sue Clark, Tom Barker, Mark Neunder, Keith Yearman, Scott Langill

Kenner 1973 Toy Catalog, #5

2009-01-02T15:10:00Z

How sadistic is a father who actually has pre-printed cards ready, announcing "The Phantom Strikes!"...?

Who Fools the Foolkiller?

2009-01-02T14:59:00Z

The creative folks at Marvel Comics pride themselves on the fact that their fictional universe closely mirrors the real one--with the addition of superheroes, natch.

For instance, Spider-Man operates in New York City, not some imaginary "Metropolis."

And when the President of the USA is depicted, it's not Lex Luthor, but the real office-holder of the moment.

But the recent issue number four of the miniseries Foolkiller reveals a startling incongruity between the Marvelverse and ours.

Either that, or scripter Gregg Hurwitz and editor Axel Alonso have never ridden in an actual airplane before.

You see in this page the fat victim of the trained assassin enter a lavatory on a commercial flight. We'll give Hurwitz and Alonso props for mentioning that it's a tight fit. Nonetheless, enormous victim and killer somehow squeeze in together, whereupon the lav suddenly enlarges like a Tardis.

And then the killer drowns his victim in the potty.

Airline toilets simply do not feature basins of standing water. They operate with the push of a button and a sparse rinse of famous blue chemicals.

This killing, then, requires a larger suspension of disbelief than the existence of the entire Avengers, and will surely jolt any half-awake reader completely out of the attempt at realism.

That's just weird.

Odd Medical Disorders (such as Georgia’s Right-to-an-Attorney Delusion)

2009-01-02T11:27:01Z

News of the Weird Daily
Friday, January 2, 2009 (part one)

"Jumping Frenchmen of Maine Disorder"
The Wall Street Journal reviews odd medical syndromes, mostly familiar to News of the Weird readers (Capgras Delusion, Foreign Accent Syndrome, Alien Hand Syndrome). The rarer ones, also mentioned in NOTW, include Stendhal Syndrome (swooning upon exposure to great art in museums) and Jerusalem Syndrome (similar behavior, except that there are 7 agreed-upon symptoms). But the Jumping Frenchman thing, named for its first sighting among lumberjacks in Maine in 1878 is, well, weird. "Sufferers jump, twitch, flail their limbs and obey commands given suddenly, even if it means hurting themselves or a loved one. It's also been observed in factory workers in Siberia and Malaysia." Genes or environment? Uh, yes. Wall Street Journal
Comments (3)

Can't possibly be true (but it's Georgia, so maybe that "right to an attorney" stuff is just optional)
Accused murderer Jamie Weis, 31, was arrested 8 months ago but as yet has no lawyer because of bureaucracy, negligence, and the stinginess of the state's funds for indigents. Since witnesses' memories fade, and evidence gets lost, he's already screwed, basically. Four outraged lawyers have filed a lawsuit against the state on Weis's behalf. New York Times
Comments (1)

The land of opportunity!
What a country! A man can grow up on a farm, dirt-poor, get a job in a factory, and through hard work and perseverance rise up to become . . the wealthiest man in mightiest industrial engine in the world! What a country, indeed! Of course, I'm speaking of Mr. Liu Yongxing, the richest man in China. New York Times
Comments (0)

It's hard work getting Asians to smile
China, Japan, and Singapore notoriously set up gov't or industry programs to teach "smiling" calisthenics so that their people wouldn't be seen as dour by Westerners. Thais, on the other hand, smile easily, but gov't turmoil, and now the economy, have them in lock-step dourness. One remedy: During this first week of 2009, motorcycle cops in Bangkok will wear white smiley-face masks with eyeholes as they go about their patrols. This is supposed to make people more comfortable with police. However, as you can see by the photo, it more conjures up Scream, Jason, and the rogue cops in Magnum Force. International Herald Tribune
Comments (9)

Latest Lysistrata strategy
A women's movement was picking up steam around Naples, Italy, a few days ago: If their men won't refrain from setting off dangerous New Year's fireworks, no sex! BBC News
Comments (6)

Good ideas gone way-bad
Police set up a random DUI checkpoint for New Year's at the only parking-lot exit from an all-night festival, to keep drunks off the road. But that meant that the line to get out was hours-long. The tally: 31 drunk, 956 sober. The Mercury (Hobart, Australia)
Comments (5)

Your Daily Jury Duty
["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
Charles Armstrong, Sarasota, Fla., accused of making a bogus 911 call to divert the cops chasing him for a traffic violation. Sarasota Herald-Tribune
Comments (9)

Nose Bidets

2009-01-02T12:21:01Z

A "nose bidet" (also known as a neti pot) is a device used for nasal irrigation. I'm not really sure how it works, but I think it involves pouring water into one nostril so that it comes out the other. Wikipedia reports that in some parts of India, this practice is as common as brushing one's teeth.

But even better is the yogic nasal cleansing practice of Sutra Neti:

One end of a cord, or rubber catheter, is passed from the nose into the back of the throat where it is grabbed by the fingers and pulled out of the mouth. Holding the nose end of the cord with one hand and the mouth end with the other, the cord is gently pulled to and fro.

I already floss my teeth once a day. I don't think I need to floss my nose.

(The picture is from yoga-age.com)

Bollywood Armpits

2009-01-02T12:06:00Z

Following up on Paul's Bollywood post of a few days ago, I give you the Bollywood Female Armpit Forum. The name is pretty self-descriptive. It's a place where fans of Bollywood female armpits can post pictures of their obsession. As far as I can tell, it's safe for work. (Unless your boss considers exposed armpits to be offensive.)

You can even vote for "Best Armpit in Bollywood." Someone named Tabu (pictured) is currently winning.