Secret Techniques of the Electric Company & Party of Five:  Not Much Brighter Than the Original

I have two news oddities to present from one of my local papers. The first from The Greensburg Daily News I didn't think was so odd, I would expect the electric company to do such things to avoid displacing wildlife, but I couldn't figure out if the 'secret technique' was really an extraordinary trade secret (I would actually expect them to want to share such info so other companies could put it to use), or just a case of a lazy reporter.
The second from the same paper details five new residents of the county jail. Alas, there is only one mugshot. These five actually had uniformed police knock on their door, and they didn't answer. So the police set up a perimeter around their apartment for two hours while waiting for the search warrant. With two hours to play with, none of the suspects noticed a cop banging on the door or the perimeter placed around their apartment? And they couldn't destroy a small amount of dope and paraphernalia in the meantime?

Weird Shorts - Boys and Girls

It’s an old excuse, whenever a man is caught eyeing-up another woman by his partner we’ll often claim that it’s not our fault, it’s just the way we’re wired. Well not according to neuroscientists at Gwinnett College in Georgia. Researchers there monitored the brain activity of 14 men while showing them pictures of women’s behinds taken before and after surgery designed to give them Beyonce like curves. The scans showed ‘reward areas’ of the men’s brains more commonly associated with drugs or alcohol lit up more in response to the redesigned rumps. In other words, we do it because we like it (Orange).

But if what most attracts men is a great set of lady bumps, what would top women’s list of desirable traits in their perfect man? That’s what online matchmakers UKDating wanted to know, so they analysed the responses of 83,000 lovelorn women to find the top ten most wanted male characteristics. And number one was… a salary over £50k ($75k). Bizarrely, being good looking came in at number 9, just above being 5’11” tall and five places below owning an Audi TT. But do girls really only like cars and money, or does this finding perhaps explain why these particular girls had to resort to a dating service in the first place (News:Lite)?

The economics of relationships also features in the new book from Karyn Langhorne Folan. In Don’t Bring Home A White Boy, Folan describes today’s black women as being stuck in “market failure”, with college educated black women outnumbering their male counterparts by 3 to 1. This severely restricts the women’s options unless they look outside their own race. “In this case, we are the commodity and the new market is men of other races,” states Foley, who is herself a Harvard-educated lawyer, “it’s Econ 101 for the single, educated black woman” (STL Today).

Mind you, women aren’t always a commodity, sometimes they’re the consumer. At least that’s what Cuban cigar maker Habanos is hoping. In an effort to boost sales in a market hit hard by anti-smoking legislation the world-over, Habanos have produced what they’re billing as the first Cuban cigar specifically for female smokers. Their new Julieta brand is smaller and milder in hopes of being more appealing to women, but still manages to keep that phallic edge to its image (Sky News).

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A Little Light Weirdness – 8

A would be bank-robber in Austria was foiled in his robbery attempt when the bank closed early for a staff training session. The man came equipped with a Barack Obama mask and gun but was stopped at the first hurdle when the locked door refused to open for him. Staff inside initially thought it was part of the training or a joke, and their laughter aggravated the criminal until he eventually fled empty-handed (Digital Spy).

More successful were the thieves that managed to steal several US landmarks, including the Palace of Fine Arts, USS Pampanito and Ghirardelli Square. Models of course, part of an exhibition of Mark and Jannet Benz’s Lego creations on display at the Palo Alto Museum of American Heritage, and worth several thousand dollars. A reward of $500 has been offered by the Benzes (SF Weekly).

But if Jan and Mark are thinking of upping their home security, they should perhaps avoid following the example of Alexander Skopintsew of Primorye in Russia, who decided to deter intruders by planting homemade landmines around his garden. He was inevitably found out when a trespasser was injured when setting off one of these devices, and charged with possession of illegal weapons, receiving a suspended sentence (ABC News).

Of course another alternative might be to have nothing worth stealing. Perhaps something similar occurred to retired lorry driver Ken Strickland, who amassed a collection of over 3000 watering cans, each meticulously documented. Sadly Mr. Strickland died last month aged 78, bequeathing the entire assortment to his niece, who is at a loss as to what to do with them and may in fact sell them on behalf of a charity. One watering can however will not be up for sale, it contains her uncle's ashes (Metro).

Meanwhile hundreds of other women up and down the UK might be feeling a little let down this Monday, after British department store Debenhams recorded a 76% surge in sales of their range of “anatomy boosting” underwear for men ahead of Valentine’s day. Turn around is fair play, I say (Reuters).

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A Little Light Weirdness – 7

It’s an election year in the UK, and politicians there are suddenly more image conscious than ever. None more so than incumbent Prime Minister Gordon Brown, who - at his wife’s suggestion - has swapped his regular Kit-Kat munching habit for a diet of bananas in an effort to slim down a bit. While it’s nice to know that the British PM’s wife is perhaps a reader this blog, she’s obviously not a regular one, or she’d have known that portly politicos are more trusted. Now if only he’d show the common touch by going on a bacon binge (Orange News).

Mind you, Mr. Brown is not the only statesman trying to avert a bleak future this week, an unnamed Arab ambassador got the shock of his life when he finally lifted his new bride’s niqab, only to find she had cross-eyes and a beard. The groom immediately went to court to have the marriage annulled, claiming he had been tricked into the marriage and that the bride’s parents had used pictures of her attractive older sister to deceive him. The court found for the groom and dissolved the marriage, but turned down his demand for $150000 compensation (Daily Mail).

But perhaps he’s been a bit quick to judge by appearances. Two Chinese men certainly were when the found a hoard of 20 clay artefacts in an old tomb they discovered in a field near their home, only to later sell the whole lot to a collector for less than $2000. Unfortunately for the pair, theirs were rare finds from the Sui-Tang Dynasty, making the collection over 1000 years old. One item alone, a pottery figurine, recently reached $150,000 at auction (Daily Times).

More fortunate was Wendy Jones of Aberglasney in Wales, who took the old plate she’d had perched on her sideboard for years – except on those odd occasions it had fallen off it - to a TV antiques show, in a plastic carrier bag, only to be told it was part of a rare, Prussian royal service worth over £100000 (Telegraph).

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‘’Long Island Lolita’’ Amy Fisher to bare all for Haiti

The ever classy Amy Fisher is apparently returning to her native Long Island to do a strip show, but a portion of the proceeds will benefit relief efforts for Haiti.

Thank you?

The official, terribly written press release reads as follows (direct copy paste):

The Scene which is a adult entertainment lounge in Commack, Long Island is hosting Amy Fisher for a special performance on January 23, 2010. It will feature the return of International porn star Amy Fisher back to the stage of her native home of Long Island. The adult club plans on donating a portion of Amy Fishers show to the Haitian disaster relief effort. The famous woman who is known once was known as the "Long Island Lolita" by the age of 17 became a porn star in 2007. The Scene is located at 70 Vanderbilt Motor Parkway in Commack. Ms. Fishers show will be completely nude.

Excellent Disguise for Robbery - Not

Using duct tape as a disguise for a robbery isn't so new, but the picture is worth a thousand words.



The robbery took place in Kentucky, and rumor is, they pulled the duct tape off before he went to jail.

Weird Shorts

A Romanian would-be burglar was quite literally caught with his pants-down when he tried to sneak into a closed supermarket through a small window, became stuck, then somehow managed to wriggle out of his trousers while trying to free himself. Which was how he was found, 11 hours later (Sky News).

An 81 year-old Australian took a wrong turn when driving to collect the morning paper, ending up on a major highway. Nine hours and four hundred miles later, he finally stopped and asked for directions. Eric Steward later rejected offers of a satnav device saying he’d only been lost once before, from 1997 to 2001 (Reuters).

The British Government has produced a sex guide for pensioners. The guide examines the benefits of a healthy sex-life, suggests the safe positions for the frailer retirees, and explains how to use Viagra and practise safe sex (STV).

Santa Claus will have a slightly easier job of it this year as the US Postal Service has axed its seasonal practice of forwarding letters to Santa to North Pole, Alaska, where dozens of volunteers help answer them, after one volunteer recognised another as a listed sex offender (CNews).

A new exhibition at the National Socialism Documentation Centre in Cologne, Germany is revealing how the Nazi Party tried to “de-Christianise” Christmas. It documents how many carols still sung in Germany today were rewritten without their previous religious imagery, and includes a display of Nazi designed Christmas decorations from that period in the shape of swastikas, grenades and Iron Crosses (Telegraph).

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Moment of Decision

Oregano Banditos

In Clarksville, Tennesse two teenage girls were robbed at gunpoint by three other teenagers. The robbers heard through the grapevine that one of the girls had marijuana in her purse, but all that was there was a baggie of oregano that "was a prop used in a school project." All three suspects were charged with aggravated robbery. Here is the mugshot of the leader of nefarious oregano bandits.

Your Daily Loser, In Couple Form and Another Animal Found Where It Didn’t Belong

Things sure have changed since I was a kid and fast food worker (about ten years ago). Back then the fast food workers would've been high and hoping the customers didn't notice, but last Friday it was an Arby's employee calling to report a drive-thru customer indulging with his girlfriend and one-year-old in the car. The boyfriend is free on bond after charges of neglect of a dependent and possession of marijuana were filed against him. The Indy Star

And from Rensselaer, Indiana comes a report of a 17 and 14-year-old who finally slaughtered a 150 pound, 6 foot long, alligator with a shotgun after their frog spears failed to do the trick. And no, they will not face criminal charges since alligators are not considered a game species in Indiana. The Indy Channel

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