Category:
Sex Lives Worse Than Yours
Ronald Cousin, Steve Nelon and Jerome Thompson, of Las Vegas, Nevada, along with two underaged pals, decided to try a little breaking and entering. Unfortunately for them, they picked the wrong house.
The Story.
Christopher Newton, former reporter for the Associated Press, was fired when it was discovered that he was making up all of his news sources. It only took the AP a few years to catch on...
The Story.
Walter Nowakowski, from Canada, was caught driving the wrong way down a one way street. The police say he was distracted. Not such a big deal, you say? How about the fact that he was distracted because he had his pants around his ankles and he was watching child porn on his laptop as he drove.
The Story.
If you live in Wrexham, you might want to stay off the roads. Michelle Hughes was arrested after she smashed her car into a parked vehicle and then drove head-on into another. But apparently her erratic driving was caused by her excessive drinking and not because she is legally blind.
The Story.
Actually, these guys might be winners for getting away with it... Army and Navy personnel, from the officers down to the enlisted men, were issued travel cards (credit cards paid for by Uncle Sam), and they had a jolly good time using those cards to pay for their visits to brothels and strip clubs.
The Story.
A 22-year-old, who is using the pseudonym Natalie Dylan for safety reasons, is going through a legal brothel in Nevada to sell her virginity. Why? She's got bills to pay, of course. Dylan says she's already taken a polygraph test to prove her virginal status, and is also willing to undergo a medical exam.
The Story. Let's hope she never did any horseback riding when she was younger.
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Apparently, the modus operandi (three episodes) of Andre Allen, a Baptist pastor in Wheaton, Ill., with 22 yrs' service, was to hang out at Lifetime Fitness, act like an employee offering martial arts training to women, and then lie down on top of them and hump around. He has recently joined the nation's unemployed.
Chicago Tribune
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Update: The
Columbus Dispatch provides a brief retrospective on the urophilic career of Alan Patton, 56, whom we reported on most recently in NOTW Daily (7-1-2008), for his arrest after laying down plastic wrap in the toilet bowl and placing cups at the bottom of urinals, so he could catch little boys' tinkles for his drinking pleasure. Collecting urine to drink is not illegal in Ohio, but ya can't fool with the public plumbing, and besides he's under a stayaway order for public restrooms. Why, Alan? Well, "to become a part of [the kids'] youth, happiness, and strength." "I love them; it is a shame I have to obtain love from them that way."
Columbus Dispatch // NOTW 945 (3-19-2006)
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
James Kist, who not only got his kicks by peeping in the windows of a Harrisburg, Pa., area cop's family, but told police he'd done it over and over. (Bonus: self-judging mug shot)
Patriot-News (Harrisburg)
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
John Hibbitts, 58, Dayton, Ohio, was grossing out neighbors at 10:20 in the morning, just sitting on his front porch, naked, and making himself feel good. But, he tried to reassure the cops: "It's OK. I'm a nudist. It's hot out."
Springfield News
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Luella McAdoo, 68, Tampa, babysitting a mute, mentally-disabled 35-yr-old man, allegedly convinced him to go down on her.
Tampa Tribune
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Mr. Kelly Pecor of Sacramento, Calif., surely belongs here today, but we need better reporting than that done by San Francisco's KPIX-TV, which disclosed only that his adult sister had caught him "using her five-month-old bulldog, Chateau, to masturbate."
KPIX-TV
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Police curtailed the string of performances of John Clifford, 30, in the lobby of the Velvet Mills apartment house (Manchester, Conn.), in which he would cavort in socks and baseball cap and, er, enjoy himself, after he had pillaged the laundry room for women's undies.
Hartford Courant
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Robert Martin, 47, was detained at a rest stop on New Jersey’s Garden State Parkway because he had a bunch of lewd stuff visible in his parked car. The porn magazines were bad enough, but then there was a “platter” of women’s underwear on the dashboard and an array of naked Barbie dolls.
WKYW-TV (Philadelphia)
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Category: Crime, Sex Lives Worse Than Yours, Your Daily Loser, Goofs and Screw-ups