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Category:
Can't Possibly Be True

Breaking Bad Toys

image
Toy'sR Us is going to carry Breaking Bad action figures and accessories which include bags of pretend crystal meth. I think the pretend crystal meth should be pop rocks!
Posted By: patty | Date: Mon Oct 20, 2014 | Comments (12)
Category: Cult Figures and Artifacts, Drugs, Products, Retailing, Can't Possibly Be True

Are You Serious?

Homosexuals are possessed by putrid smelling demons according to Holy Fire Ministries founder Burt Farias. These demons are so foul smelling that other demons stay away from them and pigs prefer death to possession. Where do these people come from? Second source article here.
Posted By: patty | Date: Sun Jul 27, 2014 | Comments (12)
Category: Can't Possibly Be True

Banks Taking The Moral High Ground?!

JP Morgan Chase has closed the accounts of porn actors, sending them letters to inform them of the action, but giving no reason for it. Laughable considering banking actions and practices of the last few years have been much more obscene than anything in a porno movie. They can find and close a few individual accounts connected to the porn industry quick enough, but millions in drug money is still getting laundered somewhere without much trouble, interesting.

Update: A further story here maintains two new points 1) Spouses with separate accounts are also targeted, and 2) the government may be behind the move.
Posted By: patty | Date: Sun Apr 27, 2014 | Comments (14)
Category: Can't Possibly Be True

No Butt Clenching During Traffic Stops

Never run a stop sign in New Mexico, but if you do, DO NOT clench you butt cheeks during the traffic stop. David Eckert made those mistakes and paid dearly for them. Officers secured a search warrant for an anal cavity search with the clenching cited as probable cause. The doctor at the hospital in the city and county where the warrant was issued declined to do the procedure. So police transported Eckert to a hospital in a different city and county where doctors agreed to do it. The man was forced to endure 2 digital rectal exams, 2 x-rays, 3 enemas and a colonoscopy. The enemas were witnessed by police as well as hospital personnel and the stool was also searched. None of these invasive procedures produced any illegal substances of any kind and the last of the ordeal took place well past the time limit of the warrant. Lawsuits all around!
Posted By: patty | Date: Tue Nov 05, 2013 | Comments (15)
Category: Can't Possibly Be True

The Kenmore High Cheerleading Chant

Here's the latest image gone viral. I spotted it on reddit.com, but you can also find it on any number of blogs or facebook posts. My first thought -- I'm pretty sure this is Chuck's work! So posting it here to give some credit where credit is due.

Posted By: Alex | Date: Sun Mar 11, 2012 | Comments (4)
Category: Racism, School, Sports, Can't Possibly Be True

Pronoun Abuse

If you lease a car for two years from any car company, you would still say it's "my" car. You wouldn't go around telling people "no that's not my car, it actually belongs to X company, I'm just leasing it." Of course you wouldn't, that would be ridiculous! But apparently the FAA has a very different set of rules. Case in point, the US Department of Transportation recently fined a non-profit air ambulance company (Mercy Flights of Medford, Oregon) $30,000 for saying that the helicopter they are leasing is "ours". You can read the details here. Thank goodness our government has the time and money to keep such blatant violations under control!
Posted By: Nethie | Date: Fri Aug 27, 2010 | Comments (5)
Category: Flight, Frauds, Cons and Scams, Government, Can't Possibly Be True

The Vatican, Without Sin, Casts The First Stone

The year is 1482. The Vatican has just released a statement that reads, "ordaining women into the priesthood was a sin on par with pedophilia." Nobody blinks and life goes on... oh, gosh, I'm sorry! It wasn't 1482 after all. That statement was issued this year. Just a few days ago, in fact. You can see how I might have gotten the dates wrong, though, since that kind of misogynous declaration couldn't possibly hold true today. Unfortunately, they really said it. But why? Author Tim Padgett, in Time magazine, explains it "When any institution is as convinced of its own moral infallibility as the Catholic Church is, it tends to lash out at criticism - especially charges as serious as the priestly rape of children - with Dostoyevskian paranoia. And the church then fortifies its less popular stances, like an all-male priesthood or the condemnation of gays, in the process becoming even more uncompromising." And don't start thinking that Mr. Padgett is against the Church, or Christianity, in any way. He was sitting in mass, watching his daughter serve as an altar girl, on Sunday, when he got the idea for his article.
Posted By: Nethie | Date: Tue Jul 20, 2010 | Comments (6)
Category: Gods, Religion, Can't Possibly Be True, Ethics and Morals

jamaica vibrate

Can’t Possibly Be True (II): Shoulda set it on vibrate
It says here in the Jamaica Star that Mr. Tesha Miller, reputed leader of the Clansmen gang, was arrested for violating conditions of his bail and that after Miller was searched and the cops ready to move on, they heard a phone ring. Yes, a phone (and charger) were recovered from a non-sunshiny place. Jamaica Star [via Rotten.com]
Posted By: Chuck | Date: Thu Jul 10, 2008 | Comments (0)
Category: Stupid Criminals, Can't Possibly Be True

fart collecting

Can’t Possibly Be True (I): The Cow-Fart Collection Device
It was in the newspaper, so it must be true: Researchers at Argentina’s Nat’l Institute of Agricultural Technology, alarmed that methane from cattle produces one-third of the nation’s greenhouse gases, decided that they need to study the actual composition of cow farts. Hence, this plastic tank, strapped on cows’ backs (which is, I suppose, is better than trailing behind cows all day with baggies). Daily Telegraph (London)
Posted By: Chuck | Date: Thu Jul 10, 2008 | Comments (0)
Category: Animals, Scatology, Science, Can't Possibly Be True
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All original content in posts is Copyright © 2008 by the author of the post, either Alex Boese ("Alex"), Paul Di Filippo ("Paul"), or Chuck Shepherd ("Chuck"). All rights reserved. The banner illustration at the top of this page is Copyright © 2008 by Rick Altergott.