"Mom, Dad--I want to grow up to be an EPA field-worker like Johnny Horizon!"
Such were the words probably never actually spoken in the early 1970s, when the icon of Johnny Horizon was launched by the BLM. But if any lad or lassie did utter such a wish, then they could have been placated with the Johnny Horizon Environmental Test Kit. Parker Brothers showed a little poindexter hard at work in their ads for the kit.
Of course Kenny the tiger did not have Downs syndrome, his deformities were due to inbreeding. He was an interesting looking cat though. Unfortunately, Kenny's lifespan was significantly shortened as well, he only lived for 10 years. So to the breeders, in the words of Kyle and Stan on South Park, "They killed Kenny!" "You bastards!"
As our poor abused planet whipsaws between extreme cold and extreme heat on a minute-to-minute schedule, only Coke can help soothe our pain. The "melting glacier" allegory at the end is effective, albeit unsubtle.
"Today, little remains of the industry but the occasional telltale sign spotted on the ground—shells laced with perfectly round holes—and millions of mother-of-pearl buttons saved in button jars across the country, cut from blouses and shirts from a time when nothing was wasted."
Paul Di Filippo
Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1.
Chuck is the purveyor of News of the Weird, the syndicated column which for decades has set the gold-standard for reporting on oddities and the bizarre.
Our banner was drawn by the legendary underground cartoonist Rick Altergott.