How to Go Places

Once upon a simpler time, Americans needed lessons in how to leave the house.

Read This Before You Get Married

I might have mentioned it before, but I'm planning on getting married this summer. To that end, I've been browsing the web, looking for stories about wedding related disasters, hoping to learn from the mistakes of others. Just this evening I found a bit of advice that had not occurred to me - think about what your new name will be, especially if you are considering whether or not to hyphenate. And here's why.

Knife Throwing Demonstration

Just in time for Mother's Day, I bring you this inexplicable video of a mother throwing knives at her little girls.

Children of Japan

Wow.
Worst. Timing. Ever.
Release a friendly documentary about Japanese kids in the same year as Pearl Harbor.
Wow.

Instant Karma

Jesse Gonzalez, 24, of Bridgeport Connecticut, was struck by a car and a bus while fleeing the scene of a fatal shooting Monday evening. Apparently Jesse and his father, Joaquin Gonzalez, had a history of domestic violence and officers had been called to their home before to settle disputes. But the argument on February 22 ended badly. Jesse is accused of shooting his father in the head, killing him. The article includes photos and a video.

Another Helping of Food Related Weirdness – 6 (and a bit)

If your love-life needs a lift, pork is as effective as Viagra, or so said Argentina’s President Cristina Fernandez Kirchner last week at a press meeting to announce cheaper pork prices. In a surprise boon to local political comedy writers, President Kirchner claimed to know from personal experience that “pork consumption improves sexual activity,” before adding “I’m a pork fanatic.” Her comments were unsurprisingly echoed by Juan Uccelli, who heads up the Argentinean association of pork producers, who claimed Denmark and Japan’s “more harmonious sexual lives” were down to their high pork consumption. No word yet as to how tender Cristina likes her pork, but this surely brings a whole new layer of meaning to “baby’s got back!” (AFP).

Of course this is just another string for the bow of the world’s greatest all around superfood, bacon. And it’s not the only new talent to come to light, bacon also makes you smarter. At least it does if your mother ate it. Scientists from the University of North Carolina are claiming the micronutrient choline, which is abundant in pork products, is vital in helping foetal brain development (Telegraph).

Clearly then, the British are not eating enough bacon. Not only do they have to put up with a reputation for being lousy lovers but in a recent study for the UK’s National Farmers Union, 26% of under-16s polled said that bacon came from sheep, and 29% thought that oats grew on trees (Daily Mail).

So it is perhaps a small consolation that an English sparkling wine trounced traditional French champagnes to be crowned Champion of Worldwide Sparkling Wines in an annual competition held by Italian wine magazine Euposia. Nyetimber's Classic Cuvée 2003 beat off entries from Bollinger and Louis Roederer in a blind tasting, despite costing less than £30 per bottle (Telegraph).

Also sure to win awards is the newest attraction in Beijing, China. The “World Chocolate Wonderland” is a 20000 square metre theme park devoted to the food and boasts life-size replicas of terracotta warriors, a BMW and a basketball player caught mid-leap, all made of chocolate. The centrepiece must be an array of chocolate fountains that endlessly propel 1.5 tonnes of melted chocolate in all directions. The park is open to April, but plans to reopen next January with all new exhibits (Movie Channel).

Perhaps they’d like to bid for the chocolate and sweet reproduction of a statue of Lenin currently on display in Bucharest, Romania? The statue, which stands on the plinth that once held the real thing, is to be auctioned off to raise money for a museum of statuary from the country’s Nazi and Communist past, with “pride” of place going to a 62 foot granite bust of Lenin (Daily Express).

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Do It Yourself Insemination

Ladies! Is your biological clock ticking away but there's no man in your life? Have no fear, the do it yourself insemination kit is here! But what is it and where does it come from? Well, back in 2005, Britian changed a law that affects the anonymity of sperm donors and has since seen a huge drop in the amount of sperm being donated. This has lead to women seeking fertility treatments abroad, and in a growing number of cases, buying do it yourself insemination kits from the internet. Yes, that means you can buy an unknown man's sperm online and use it to inseminate yourself in the comfort of your own home. The kit (shown) contains a sterile semen container, lubricant, a plastic speculum, disposable gloves and sterile pasteur pipettes. You can read more about the process here and order the kit. (Bonus! You can also order a vibrator for men.) Frankly, I would think you'd have to be extremely flexible to do this by yourself.

Thanksgivings of Yore

You still have enough time in the next two weeks to rearrange your life so that your holiday mirrors the Eisenhowerian perfection on display here

Cheating

Obviously, Bernie Madoff and too many other prominent figures were never exposed to this video in their youth

Friendship Begins at Home

All original content in posts is Copyright © 2008 by the author of the post, either Alex Boese ("Alex"), Paul Di Filippo ("Paul"), or Chuck Shepherd ("Chuck"). All rights reserved. The banner illustration at the top of this page is Copyright © 2008 by Rick Altergott.