Lurid Tales

Trailer till Lurid Tales: The Castle Queen från rstvideos trailerarkiv.

Pay attention to the critic below, and save yourself a rental.

NOTE: TRAILER SLIGHTLY NSFW.

1.0 out of 5 stars
Cromwellian Trollops On Parade, July 16, 2004
By Robert I. Hedges

I have one word to describe this movie. That word is "awful."

This is an almost unbearable drama about a college student transported via a time travel headband in an arcade to the days of Oliver Cromwell's England. I watched it because it sounded amusing, but the reality is that it smells like a wet dog. The three main plot points are essentially time travel, Cromwell's England, and animal husbandry (of sorts.) The student is played by the fetid Shannon Dow Smith (yes, he's the hero) who teaches the ladies of Dorset to run a castle full of illicit trade amongst the Puritans. Needless to say there are bad costumes, really bad English accents (The movie was filmed in Romania, and most of the smaller parts were played by Romanians who learned their lines phonetically!), and incredibly moronic plot twists.

Technically the movie is quite poor. Lots of camera jitter can be seen on occasion. At least once the sound and film were not in sync, resulting in people speaking with no words being heard. My biggest overall complaints, though, were the music and the editing. The editing was so choppy, that it was actually offensive to watch; frequently scenes were stuck in where they made absolutely no sense, and only serve to confuse the already muddled plot. The music is "smooth jazz" type piano music that is about 100 decibels louder than the rest of the soundtrack, so have your thumb on the volume control on the remote. As a final affront to the audience, the cast is listed in the credits, but the character names are not, meaning you have no clue who was who, except in the extremely unlikely event that you had heard of any of these actors before.

There are very few highlights to discuss. They are Betsy Lynn George and the girl who played the waitress near the college in the frame shots. Betsy Lynn George is beautiful, and is probably the only actress in the film with actual thespian talent. She is better known for her superior starring role in "Petticoat Planet" which I recommend only in preference to this film (marginally). I am unsure who the waitress is (thanks to the credits) but believe it is Christi Harris, although I am not positive of that. Whoever she is, she is also decent in her role and is very attractive. Beyond this minor praise, the rest of the film is a mess.

I can't imagine any reason I would ever watch this again unless threatened with grievous bodily harm. Shame on you David LeCoteau for directing this piece of drek (under pseudonym "Ellen Cabot"), and shame on you Vlad and Oana Paunescu for producing something so artistically and morally bankrupt.

Bad Music

Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown from alex Bondonno on Vimeo.

Maybe this book can explain this video.

Pink Panther Sex Toy

Not Safe For Work.

Discovery Channel and Weird Universe Mashup

What happens when you are cruising the internet and find an invitation to put together your own video to some music?

Just a few of the WU images with the "boom da yada" music shows we live in a world full of variety!!



Here's the Discovery commercial.



Click on it to see other versions!!

Economic innovation

If you find yourself short on cash during the economic downturn but still want to cheer on number three, here's one solution:



Or maybe you are looking for that new riding lawn mower for a nice present? Here's one:



Maybe you need some daycare -- here's a quick substitute:



Or go to the website and check out the cupholder. NSFW!!

http://www.webofentertainment.com/2009/11/11-examples-of-redneck-improvisation.html

If you ain't got the money -- improvise!!

The Stuffed Owl

I'm reading a Mark Twain book currently, Following the Equator. In it, he mentions a notoriously bad poet, Julia Moore, a name I had not thought of in ages. Moore's fabled lack of talent produced scads of bad poetry. You can read about her career here.

Google has digitized at least one of her books, which you can read here. Be prepared to encounter such excruciating verse as this sample to the right.




Moore is included in The Stuffed Owl, a volume of the world's worst poetry. Wouldn't that make a swell Xmas gift for the literary type in your life?

Florence Foster Jenkins

Worst opera singer ever? Read about Florence Foster Jenkins here.

Then, if you want more, buy this CD!

Rat Pfink and Boo Boo

I watched this Ray Dennis Steckler gem the other night. If you need more, there are other segments on YouTube.

Get Down Goblin

And now, in response to MohawkWarrior's comment: "Sometimes it seems less and less like WU and more like 'music to irritate people by.'" And thanks to the keen eye of Kingmonkey, we have an "extra" video for the day.

Agadoo

Voted the worst UK pop song ever!

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