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Name That List, #6

What is this a list of? (The answer is in extended, and on the comments page.)
  • A live, shaved, declawed gerbil
  • a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth’s syrup
  • an ax handle
  • a 9-inch zucchini
  • a 14-inch vibrator with two D-cell batteries
  • a plastic spatula
  • a 9-1/2 inch water bottle
  • a Coke bottle
  • a 3-1/2 inch Japanese float ball
  • an 11-inch carrot
  • an antenna rod
  • a 150-watt light bulb
  • a screwdriver
  • four rubber balls
  • 72 jewelers’ saws
  • a paperweight
  • an apple
  • an onion
  • a plastic toothbrush package
  • a frozen pig’s tail
  • a 10-inch length of broomstick
  • an 18-inch umbrella handle
  • a banana encased in a condom
  • two Vaseline jars
  • a whisky bottle with a cord attached
  • a teacup
  • an oil can
  • a 6-inch by 5-inch tool box weighing 22 ounces
  • a 6-inch stone weighing two pounds
  • a baby powder can
  • a test tube
  • a ballpoint pen
  • a peanut butter jar
  • a flashlight
  • a turnip
  • a pair of eyeglasses
  • a hard-boiled egg
  • several tumblers and glasses
  • a file
  • a polyethylene waste trap from the U-bend of a sink
  • a Carbonundum grindstone with handle
  • concrete and a ping-pong ball.
ANSWER: Items recovered from people’s rectums.

The list comes (via Jenny) from the work of our very own Chuck Shepherd, specifically News of the Weird (1988) and The Concrete Enema and Other News of the Weird Classics (1996).

"Medical researchers, tabulating cases in which items were recovered from the rectums of patients, reported 700 items from 200 patients…" In the case of the 72 jewelers’ saws, these were all from one patient, 29 at one time. In the case of the frozen pig’s tail, it got stuck when it thawed.

Update: Chuck would like to note that, subsequent to writing News of the Weird in 1988 with two other guys, he's realized that the gerbil story is apocryphal.
Posted By: Alex | Date: Mon Nov 10, 2008 | Number of Comments: 20
Category: Name That List
More weirdness from the WU archive:
Comments
Listed in chronological order. Newest comments at the end.
I was mentally checking off the things on that list I have in my house as I went down, started to get a bit scary.

Hey Max - bottle of Mrs. Butterworths? LMAO
Posted by Jules in Connecticut on 11/10/08 at 09:34 AM
a whisky bottle with a cord attached - I have to presume the cord was so it could be pulled out...so who's idea was it to stick it so far up there the cord dissapeared?
Posted by Jules in Connecticut on 11/10/08 at 09:42 AM
My first guess was stuff found in George Michaels' closet.

There are some pretty scary items on here. Although, it would be funny when people ask if you have something ridiculous, to be able to pull it out of your ass but I'm not willing to go that far for a joke.

Jules - That's not exactly the use I had in mind for pancake syrup. LOL
Posted by Madd Maxx on 11/10/08 at 09:52 AM
a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth’s syrup?
Maxx, You've done this before, huh? tongue wink
Posted by avmayes614 in the wt"F"-State on 11/10/08 at 10:34 AM
a polyethylene waste trap from the U-bend of a sink

I pray it was unused.
Posted by kingmonkey in Athens, Ontario on 11/10/08 at 10:55 AM
A peanut butter jar?!?!? OWWWWWW :(

The eyeglasses one got me too. What were they trying to read in there?
Posted by Ryan in Philly on 11/10/08 at 11:12 AM
I guessed right about 1/2 way down the list! Now, if the gerbil would have been wrapped in duct tape THAT would have been kinky!
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 11/10/08 at 11:21 AM
a plastic spatula? you gotta have a way to flip the pancakes
Posted by avmayes614 in the wt"F"-State on 11/10/08 at 11:32 AM
avmayes - The pancake syrup is to poured over the ass, not shoved into it. red face
Posted by Madd Maxx on 11/10/08 at 11:54 AM
Maxx - at first thats what I was thinking. But Hey, I live in the "F"-state...."F" is for Freaky, ya never know, anything is possible.
Posted by avmayes614 in the wt"F"-State on 11/10/08 at 12:17 PM
Whatever happened to just putting a good ol' fashioned penis in the ass? This list makes baby Jesus sad.
Posted by Ryan in Philly on 11/10/08 at 12:17 PM
So Ryan, you're not concerned with big Jesus. You are so going to hell. wink Also, did the 72 jeweler's saws seemed OK?

Concrete! Was that before being mixed, premixed but still wet, or hardened? I guess if it's an enema than it's still wet.
Posted by Madd Maxx on 11/10/08 at 12:30 PM
I am no closer to hell than the guy (I'm assuming) with a live, shaved, declawed gerbil in his ass. So that's something.
Posted by Ryan in Philly on 11/10/08 at 12:33 PM
I gotta say, I don't think any of the stuff on this list was being "smuggled." At least, not in the traditional sense. Turnips? Soda? Rubber balls? C'mon, you're not trying to get across any borders with that stuff in your ass.

The only one I could see being an attempted smuggling would be the file. Some guy on his way into the big house thinks he's gonna be able to saw through the bars and escape. That's not how jails are built anymore, however. Poor guy. :-(
Posted by Ryan in Philly on 11/10/08 at 12:41 PM
I have to agree with Ryan. The file, tool box and the jewelers saws seem like the only items being smuggled. Unless, someone was looking to have his/her pet gerbil with them in prison.
Posted by Madd Maxx on 11/10/08 at 12:55 PM
What this list should include is demographics - age, sex and orientation.
Posted by avmayes614 in the wt"F"-State on 11/10/08 at 01:10 PM
avmayes - That's not a bad idea. At least that way I would know if I should have one of the neighbors come buy to feed my daughter's pet gerbils while we go on vacation.
Posted by Madd Maxx on 11/10/08 at 01:14 PM
The Funniest Part of this whole thing is: You have to imagine how hard these people tried to remove the Items on their own, so they wouldn't have to go hospital or dial 911 or emergency assistance and face humiliation. and then the other school of thought is for the repeat offenders like the Jewelry Saw person perhaps the humiliation was part of the fun.
Posted by avmayes614 in the wt"F"-State on 11/10/08 at 01:45 PM
Do you warm up the syrup in there, then use yourself as a nasty dispenser? It would make for one hell of a memorable trip to Denny's!
Posted by kingmonkey in Athens, Ontario on 11/10/08 at 09:19 PM
If it hadn't started with the gerbil, I might not have gotten it. But especially with the detail on the poor creature, I didn't even have to get down to the stranger schtuff.
Posted by jswolf19 in Japan on 11/11/08 at 05:39 AM
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