Name That List, #6
What is this a list of? (The answer is in extended, and on the comments page.)- A live, shaved, declawed gerbil
- a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth’s syrup
- an ax handle
- a 9-inch zucchini
- a 14-inch vibrator with two D-cell batteries
- a plastic spatula
- a 9-1/2 inch water bottle
- a Coke bottle
- a 3-1/2 inch Japanese float ball
- an 11-inch carrot
- an antenna rod
- a 150-watt light bulb
- a screwdriver
- four rubber balls
- 72 jewelers’ saws
- a paperweight
- an apple
- an onion
- a plastic toothbrush package
- a frozen pig’s tail
- a 10-inch length of broomstick
- an 18-inch umbrella handle
- a banana encased in a condom
- two Vaseline jars
- a whisky bottle with a cord attached
- a teacup
- an oil can
- a 6-inch by 5-inch tool box weighing 22 ounces
- a 6-inch stone weighing two pounds
- a baby powder can
- a test tube
- a ballpoint pen
- a peanut butter jar
- a flashlight
- a turnip
- a pair of eyeglasses
- a hard-boiled egg
- several tumblers and glasses
- a file
- a polyethylene waste trap from the U-bend of a sink
- a Carbonundum grindstone with handle
- concrete and a ping-pong ball.
The list comes (via Jenny) from the work of our very own Chuck Shepherd, specifically News of the Weird (1988) and The Concrete Enema and Other News of the Weird Classics (1996).
"Medical researchers, tabulating cases in which items were recovered from the rectums of patients, reported 700 items from 200 patients…" In the case of the 72 jewelers’ saws, these were all from one patient, 29 at one time. In the case of the frozen pig’s tail, it got stuck when it thawed.
Update: Chuck would like to note that, subsequent to writing News of the Weird in 1988 with two other guys, he's realized that the gerbil story is apocryphal.
Comments
Listed in chronological order. Newest comments at the end.
Listed in chronological order. Newest comments at the end.
The syrup would be easier to get up there out of the bottle.
If I tried that with my maple syrup container, I would need more that the 2 jars of Vaseline (out of the jar). It's a one gallon can.
Why isn't tried spelled tryed?
If I tried that with my maple syrup container, I would need more that the 2 jars of Vaseline (out of the jar). It's a one gallon can.
Why isn't tried spelled tryed?
Posted by baseman in New Hampshire on 11/10 at 11:04 AM
What this list should include is demographics - age, sex and orientation.
Posted by avmayes614 in the wt"F"-State on 11/10 at 11:10 AM
avmayes - That's not a bad idea. At least that way I would know if I should have one of the neighbors come buy to feed my daughter's pet gerbils while we go on vacation.
Posted by Madd Maxx on 11/10 at 11:14 AM
The Funniest Part of this whole thing is: You have to imagine how hard these people tried to remove the Items on their own, so they wouldn't have to go hospital or dial 911 or emergency assistance and face humiliation. and then the other school of thought is for the repeat offenders like the Jewelry Saw person perhaps the humiliation was part of the fun.
Posted by avmayes614 in the wt"F"-State on 11/10 at 11:45 AM
I went to the emergency room one with a fishing lure attached to my face (I can thank my cousin for that) and that was bad enough. I can't emagine going to the hospital and being asked, you've got what? where?
Posted by baseman in New Hampshire on 11/10 at 12:46 PM
this is the list of items reportedly removed from rectii, as enumerated by Cecil Adams in - I'm going off memory here - Straight Dope 2. Leave a good book in the bathroom long enough and eventually the important parts become memorized.
Posted by dan in san francisco but really I just live and work here on 11/10 at 03:56 PM
Well, I guess that's one way to warm up your pancake syrup, but can't say I recommend that. By the way, the gerbil kinda gave it away...
Posted by Eddiebear in Memphis, TN on 11/10 at 06:04 PM
Do you warm up the syrup in there, then use yourself as a nasty dispenser? It would make for one hell of a memorable trip to Denny's!
Posted by kingmonkey in Athens, Ontario on 11/10 at 07:19 PM
When I was doing ER clinicals for my emergency medical technician class, we were given an x-ray of a vibrator deep inside the ass of a 12 year old boy. You could clearly make out the batteries, the wiring, the motor, the switch - and it was all blurred, because it was turned on and vibrating when the x-ray was taken. Since the boy was underage, we had to contact his parent - in this case his mom - to have her come to the ER and sign the paperwork so we could treat him. She did so, somewhat embarrassed, then asked that we take care removing it, because she wanted it back.
Posted by hnumpah in florida on 11/10 at 08:43 PM
call me naive, but i had thought the whole "gerbil thing" was just a myth.
strangely though, looking at this list, the most disturbing thing is that i find myself somewhat admiring the resourcefulness and creativity of these people.
strangely though, looking at this list, the most disturbing thing is that i find myself somewhat admiring the resourcefulness and creativity of these people.
Posted by therathen on 11/10 at 09:27 PM
If it hadn't started with the gerbil, I might not have gotten it. But especially with the detail on the poor creature, I didn't even have to get down to the stranger schtuff.
Posted by jswolf19 in Japan on 11/11 at 03:39 AM
If I remember correctly about the last one listed is that the ping pong ball went too far in. The solution the guy came up with was to fill the rest of his cavity with wet concrete in the hopes it would adhere to the ping pong ball (and not him) and then remove it that way. 
Amazing what desperation will do to you.
Amazing what desperation will do to you.
Posted by Downcrisis in Everywhere on 11/12 at 12:10 AM
Category: Name That List