Chuck’s Weekly Cite-Seeing (April 16, 2012)

Chuck's Weekly Cite-Seeing Tour
The Crème de la Crème, Every Monday

Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
April 16, 2012
(datelines from April 6 or later) (links correct as of April 16)

Vatican City: High-up official Cardinal Domenico Calcagno was outed by an Italian website that reported him as a gun aficionado with a handsome arsenal (at least 13 weapons). Agence France-Presse via Ottawa Citizen

Salina, Kan.: What to do with the Cold War-era Atlas missile silos long ago decommissioned? Developer Larry Hall is building the ultimate gated community with five years of underground food and water in nuke-proof luxury appointments, $2m per condo, cash upfront. Agence France-Presse via World's Greatest Newspaper

Rio de Janeiro: United Nations conferees on sustainable development will meet on June 13th, overtaxing Rio's hotels. Solution: co-opt the city's whorehouses "love hotels," mirrored walls and round beds included. (Problem: June 12th is a big sex day in Rio; next-morning checkout time strictly enforced.) BBC News

Nashville: Get out your calculator and count William Todd's felonies, all committed over a 9-hour period after he hit town April 9th. As of that date, they had him for 11, but were still counting. WSMV-TV (Nashville)

Peshawar, Pakistan: "There is no finer mark of a Pakistani man than a fully oiled, waxed, and twirled moustache," wrote a Daily Telegraph (London) columnist. Hence, over-the-top Amir Muhammad Afridi! But Islam is fuzzy on just how far facial hair obsession can go so Afridi has to live in seclusion. Daily Telegraph

Pahoa, Hawaii: In their wisdom, local officials on the Big Island have now criminalized dogs' "incessant barking," with heavy fines, driving owners to seek dog counselors and dog Prozac. Wall Street Journal

London: The New York Times's fabulous London correspondent Sarah Lyall checked in with a review of Britain's resistance to "no-fault divorce," which leads to many variations of "fault" by parties who want out of holy matrimony (e.g., "maliciously and repeatedly served him his least favorite dish, tuna casserole," "insisted she dress in a Klingon costume and speak to him in Klingon," "husband had not spoken to her in 15 years, communicating only by Post-It note"). New York Times

New York City: (1) Crime Doesn't Pay (Georgia man gets 6½ yrs in prison for . . movie-poster fraud). (2) Yes, Crime Does Pay (Bergen County, N.J., woman ripped off a youth program for $50k, gets 3-yr probation and a restitution order to repay $10 a month). Athens Banner Herald /// Associated Press via

Craig County, Okla.: Mags Bennett wannabe Darlene Mayes, 73, was arrested for running a huge marijuana-trafficking operation (recovered: guns and $277,000). KSEE-TV (Fresno, Calif.)

Beijing: It says here that the government's censorship of a Titanic scene of bare-chested Kate Winslet was to prevent theater-goers from reaching out to cop feels, thus disturbing other patrons. (That's what it says here.) United Press International (scroll down)

Recurring Themes: (1) Recent DNA testing has revealed that a British fertility clinic founder (who died in 1972) might have inseminated as many as 600 moms all by himself. (2) Another perp who ought to have applied for a name change: the convicted rapist-murderer [CORRECTION: just a murderer] Wilford Molester Galloway. (3) Stealing stuff from a Radio Shack runs a risk that at least one of the items is GPS-enabled, making for an easy collar. (4) A federal regulatory study revealed that women are twice as likely as men to be the ones to confuse the gas pedal and the brake. New York Post /// Lawrence Journal-World (Lawrence, Kan.) /// Chicago Tribune /// Los Angeles Times

Thanks to Don Schullian, Perry Levin, Dave Kanofsky, and Sandy Pearlman and the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors.

     Posted By: Chuck - Mon Apr 16, 2012

Wilford Molester Galloway is only a murderer, not a rapist, check the article again.
Posted by dumbledoor on 04/16/12 at 06:31 AM
"A federal regulatory study revealed that women are twice as likely as men to be the ones to confuse the gas pedal and the brake."

To be fair, that's because men are half as likely to ever use the brake pedal when driving.
Posted by Dumbfounded on 04/16/12 at 07:05 AM
I do too use the brake. Everytime some #%$^@&$ tailgates me.
Posted by Baughbe on 04/16/12 at 08:02 AM
William Todd Kind'a makes the one crime at a time rule look a bit silly!

Using the Brake Didn't use to have to but new(er) car is an automatic! (1st one since '69)
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 04/16/12 at 09:15 AM
@Baughbe :lol: :lol:

Cardinal- Nothing wrong with having a gun collection as opposed to having, say, a stamp collection. It would be more the vow of poverty thing that he is defying.

nuke proof- Somehow I do not think these will be popular.

mustache- Pride goes before the fall. Is that really something to risk his life over?

Divorce- Those sound like decent reasons to me.

pedals- I call BS!
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 04/16/12 at 09:17 AM
@Patty: is that your way to remember: Brake left, Speed right?
Posted by Jeroen on 04/16/12 at 09:23 AM
@ patty:It gets worse. They said women are responsible for almost two third of the accidents from pedal mix-ups, not just half.

Since Wilford Molester Galloway is just a murderer rather than a rapist, he should have changed that middle Wayne!
Posted by Miles on 04/16/12 at 03:06 PM
I've owned only automatic trans vehicle over the last 40 years since I got a license. The practice I've had with manuals allows me to use both feet on throttle and brake with ease. It used to drive my mother crazy when I'd take her somewhere in her car.

I'd like to see some variety with the no-fault divorce excuses. Perhaps combine some into a wife who would only serve Klingon tuna casserole with Post-It notes on top.

Leave it up to the Chinese to ban Winslet's overexposed hooters.

In my hometown there was a bar owner who had a dog that barked incessantly. The neighbors finally got the dog banned from the neighborhood and the bar owner renamed his bar "The Barking Dog".
Posted by KDP on 04/16/12 at 03:28 PM
Barking Dogs: Some years ago we had neighbors who would go away overnight and leave their dog in the fenced yard. The beast would get lonesome after a while and start to "arf" like a slow metronome -- every 10 seconds or so for hours on end. Literally all night long. These were small houses close together, so there was no escaping the noise. The only solution I could find was to shoot him with a BB gun, which seemed to knock the needle out of the groove. (Always in the rump -- I only wanted to interrupt him, not injure him.) I never bothered to try to talk to the owners -- they had proved to be trash of the first order long before they got the dog.
Posted by Frank H on 04/17/12 at 02:57 PM
Gee Frank, did it occur to you to pet the dog for a little bit since he was just lonely. That might have stopped him in a kinder way.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 04/17/12 at 08:27 PM
Great week Chuck!
I lived in Rio de Janeiro and they have *tons* of those "love hotels" that charge by the hour. Apparently, they are popular for lunch-hour quickies. Since Brazilians tend to live at home until they are married, I am told that many legitimate Boyfriend/girlfriend couples frequent these places, to have some private time away from mom and dad.
Posted by GirlgeniusNYC on 04/17/12 at 08:43 PM
Honest Patty, I'm a dog lover myself. I tried the gentle approach more than once. But the dog was very large, and had been raised to be aggressive. Any attempt to pet him would have resulted in drawing back a bloody stump -- which would make typing this much more difficult.
Posted by Frank H on 04/18/12 at 08:45 AM
Sorry Frank, I should not have assumed the dog was friendly just because it missed it's owner. A bb to the rump is not excessively cruel.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 04/18/12 at 09:30 AM
Don't fault the Cardinal, he's probably just preparing for the inevitable zombie apocalypse.

$2m for a missile shed?

"Love hotels"? I love hotels. But they never love me back.

9 hours, 11 new hero.

Beijing can't handle boobies? For shame....

I never confuse the pedals. I only ever use the right one, and let my awesome be my brakes :D
Posted by sdrawkcaB on 04/20/12 at 09:13 AM
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