Last Week in Weird
[Links, chronological, on Extended page]
Copyright 2014 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
The Aristocrats! Another co-worker hoping for a date by . . ejaculating in the lady’s coffee--always a sure way to win her heart! And an F-State flasher, waving his stuff around while in pink panties and bra . . and age 81.
At the Arizona-Mexico border, armed militia from Colorado confronted . . well, a group of conservationists studying a nighttime habitat of bats. The militia apologized.
A local San Leandro, Calif., marijuana ring was busted, with authorities all fertoutst over finding AK-47 assault rifles with orange plastic tips on the barrels to make them sorta look like toys. (Bonus: Two arrested kingpins: Mike Er and Tony Ho.)
Unclear on the Concept: Well, 10 Texas school districts did get surplus military guns ‘n’ armor, but to calm the public, everything’s locked in an armory when not used for training, and therefore if a school shooting incident occurs, the school officer can go get the heavy weapons to defend the students . . in, oh, a half-hour, 45 minutes, or so. (The median school shooting spree lasts 12 minutes.)
A Frenchman was jailed for acting like a Japanese woman--phoning and texting his ex- about their break-up a total of 21,807 times (average of 73 a day for 10 months).
Philip Hansen was charged in New Zealand with a tooth-pulling habit he seemed to have with three women he dated (using pliers during sex). (Seriously.)
The New Normal: Robert Morris University in downtown Chicago is going all-in on establishing a collegiate video game championship team, offering varsity scholarships.
For the multitudes who consult the U.S. Forest Service website before roasting marshmallows (which is n=0), the website’s blog tells you how to do so expertly and safely. Just what we need gov’t for!
For the 12th consecutive year, Japanese porn actresses have raised money for AIDS research by offering their hootage for squeezing. Pay your money, put on the latex glove, squeeze ‘em, ka-ching!
Lame: Jahanna Baez-Rodriguez, 20, got caught with an actual hand-drawn Massachusetts license plate affixed to her car. (And way-poorly hand-drawn, at that.)
Cruel and Unusual? The penalty in Colorado for texting while driving is . . you get a guardrail pole through your thigh and buttocks, and you barely avoid bleeding out.
That silly ice-bucket challenge sent a man to critical condition in Spain when he agreed to endure a fire-dousing airplane’s dropping 396 gallons of water on him from 22 ft up. And it says here that, anyway, nearly half of all people taking the challenge fail to follow through. [We First-Worlders excel at thinking up ways to make ourselves feel good!]
The Washington Times loves that federal obese-homosexual study that’s now in its 4th yr. Feds have spent nearly $3m answering the burning question of why, exactly, gay males appear so hot but lesbians, well, have less “athletic self-esteem.” Just what we need gov’t for!
Newsrangers: Shannon Russ, Steve Dunn, and Steven Lobejko, and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.