[News] A Carousel of Losers

Thomas Meehan, 59, drove to the State Patrol office in Tacoma, Wash., to register his car, as required by law, but you'd think he would've sobered up first. KIRO-TV (Seattle)

A Brookeville, Ind., couple (Lloyd Conn, 34, and Tiffany Hollins, 21), who are registered with the local parole office and theoretically know they can be visited at any time, were visited Monday (and troopers found a gun, a meth lab, and five pickup-truckloads of what they suspect are stolen goods). Kentucky Post

Apparently Walter Aaron, 26, couldn't think of a better way to pick up quick money than to steal an excavator from a construction site and smash through a SunTrust bank in Atlanta. (He was still behind the wheel when cops arrived.) WGCL-TV (Atlanta)

Recurring: Two men in Austin, Minn., called police to report that someone broke in and stole their marijuana (along with smoking devices that had "sentimental value"). They can't be charged with a crime, though, because, well, the thief completely cleaned 'em out. Post-Bulletin (Rochester, Minn.)

Recurring: Eric Fortune, 19, Denmark Township, Ohio, goaded his stepbrother to shoot him in the leg so he could see what it felt like. (It hurt a lot; he started crying.) Star Beacon (Ashtabula)

Your Daily Jury Duty
["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
Here's a chance for Jury Nullification: Could it really be a crime that a woman happens to be completely naked below the waist in public as she is picking up dog litter? Oughtn't we to free Susan Bell? Portsmouth Herald [LINK FIXED]