[News] Chuck’s Links for Thursday, April 9, 2009
Little Rock's new River Church will hold its Good Friday and Easter services at downtown bars. KLRT-TV
A Cause Greater Than One's Self: At least Abdullah, 11, is a jihadi suicide bomber; all you can say about that Dillon, S.C., 11-yr-old is that he shot his little sister in the face with a shotgun because she took his potato chips. Daily Mail (London) /// WBTW-TV (Myrtle Beach)
A knife fight in a Waco, Tex., motel room, provoked by an apparently particularly noxious fart. Associated Press via Houston Chronicle
Dragging the bottom of the job market: Ringling Brothers has just hired 18 clowns. Associated Press via Yahoo
A real-life tick-tock in Toronto: Infant Lillian, needing heart transplant, is sh_t-outta-luck because the arranged donor (terminally-ill Kaylee) is defying everyone by . . living. Globe & Mail
Best and the Brightest: Texas state Rep. Betty Brown, noting how difficult it is to verify voter registration of Asian-Americans with Anglicized names, suggested that they change 'em to names "easier for Americans to deal with." Houston Chronicle
An ex-NYPD officer, fighting to get his job back, said the only reason he could think of for testing positive for cocaine was that he used to go down on his cokehead girlfriend. New York Daily News
Peter Dennis sued the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corp. because its voluntary self-exclusion (from casino) program didn't work for him, letting him lose around $600k more (and he's suing on behalf of all the other gamblers it didn't work for) ($3.5B). Toronto Star
Brett Picciotti, 26, said even if he has been charged with throwing his girlfriend off of a second-floor balcony, that's no reason to kick him out of medical school. (Bonus statement by his lawyer: "He's an exemplary young man. This is an aberrational charge. I think there's an explanation. I'm just not prepared to give it to you right now.") Philadelphia Daily News
[Jury Duty] After a high-speed chase, police accused Sterling Devine, 25, of a home break-in, but he doesn't see it that way. KCTV (Kansas City)
Today's Newsrangers: Jessica McRorie, Stephen Taylor, Joe Pat Clayton, Jim Dukes, Sandy Pearlman
A Cause Greater Than One's Self: At least Abdullah, 11, is a jihadi suicide bomber; all you can say about that Dillon, S.C., 11-yr-old is that he shot his little sister in the face with a shotgun because she took his potato chips. Daily Mail (London) /// WBTW-TV (Myrtle Beach)
A knife fight in a Waco, Tex., motel room, provoked by an apparently particularly noxious fart. Associated Press via Houston Chronicle
Dragging the bottom of the job market: Ringling Brothers has just hired 18 clowns. Associated Press via Yahoo
A real-life tick-tock in Toronto: Infant Lillian, needing heart transplant, is sh_t-outta-luck because the arranged donor (terminally-ill Kaylee) is defying everyone by . . living. Globe & Mail
Best and the Brightest: Texas state Rep. Betty Brown, noting how difficult it is to verify voter registration of Asian-Americans with Anglicized names, suggested that they change 'em to names "easier for Americans to deal with." Houston Chronicle
An ex-NYPD officer, fighting to get his job back, said the only reason he could think of for testing positive for cocaine was that he used to go down on his cokehead girlfriend. New York Daily News
Peter Dennis sued the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corp. because its voluntary self-exclusion (from casino) program didn't work for him, letting him lose around $600k more (and he's suing on behalf of all the other gamblers it didn't work for) ($3.5B). Toronto Star
Brett Picciotti, 26, said even if he has been charged with throwing his girlfriend off of a second-floor balcony, that's no reason to kick him out of medical school. (Bonus statement by his lawyer: "He's an exemplary young man. This is an aberrational charge. I think there's an explanation. I'm just not prepared to give it to you right now.") Philadelphia Daily News
[Jury Duty] After a high-speed chase, police accused Sterling Devine, 25, of a home break-in, but he doesn't see it that way. KCTV (Kansas City)
Today's Newsrangers: Jessica McRorie, Stephen Taylor, Joe Pat Clayton, Jim Dukes, Sandy Pearlman
Comments
Curse you Dumbfounded, you beat me to the clown/Wall St. exec joke!
Posted by Matt in Florida on 04/09/09 at 09:20 AM
Little Rock - all the Arkansas news seems to revolve around beer lately.
S.C. 11 year old - We all know the stereotypes. Americans are fat. Americans love guns. Logically, if you take our snacks, we'll shoot you, but I wouldn't expect it from a kid this young. Where were the parents when this went on?
Ex NYPD - thats the best he could come up with? How about "Due to budget cuts, our forensics lab was shut down and we had to test the evidence the ol' fashioned way" *wink wink
Rep. Betty Brown - then she should change her name to Betty White, since she is not brown. Her constituents may get confused.
S.C. 11 year old - We all know the stereotypes. Americans are fat. Americans love guns. Logically, if you take our snacks, we'll shoot you, but I wouldn't expect it from a kid this young. Where were the parents when this went on?
Ex NYPD - thats the best he could come up with? How about "Due to budget cuts, our forensics lab was shut down and we had to test the evidence the ol' fashioned way" *wink wink
Rep. Betty Brown - then she should change her name to Betty White, since she is not brown. Her constituents may get confused.
Posted by Matt in Florida on 04/09/09 at 09:30 AM
S.C. 11-year-old - Lord help the rest of the family should they include snack deprivation in his punihment.
Betty Brown - Anglicized names aren't already Americanized? What language do you speak, then? Oh, wait-- Texan, I forgot.
NYPD - Cokalingus?
Brett Picciotti - No reason to kick you out of medical school? I can think of a few logical reasons not to let a murderer become a doctor.
Jury Duty - Ha ha ha! He couldn't be innocent even if he hadn't done anything. Guilty by default!
Betty Brown - Anglicized names aren't already Americanized? What language do you speak, then? Oh, wait-- Texan, I forgot.
NYPD - Cokalingus?
Brett Picciotti - No reason to kick you out of medical school? I can think of a few logical reasons not to let a murderer become a doctor.
Jury Duty - Ha ha ha! He couldn't be innocent even if he hadn't done anything. Guilty by default!
Posted by kingmonkey in Athens, Ontario on 04/09/09 at 09:35 AM
River Church Gasp! In a bar Oh, wait... JC did the water into wine thing as an opening act.
11 year olds Abdullah should be tried as an adult. As far as Dillion is concerned.... Were they Lays?
Farts These boys were from the great state of Texas and, as we know, all things are bigger, better, meaner in Texas.
18 Clowns So that's what happened to the executive board of Lehman Brothers. Oh! Sorry Dumbfounded.
Bumbling Betty So "Hu Flug Poo" who changed his name to "Ralph Cramdon" should change it to "Ima Chink"?
Cokehead Cop This is plausable! Think urine testing.
Gambler 3.5B sounds like a good bet.
Brett Picciotti Can't tell if the dude should be charged or not. No pictures of the throwee.
Jury Duty Guilty! But he can drive with eyes like that?
11 year olds Abdullah should be tried as an adult. As far as Dillion is concerned.... Were they Lays?
Farts These boys were from the great state of Texas and, as we know, all things are bigger, better, meaner in Texas.
18 Clowns So that's what happened to the executive board of Lehman Brothers. Oh! Sorry Dumbfounded.
Bumbling Betty So "Hu Flug Poo" who changed his name to "Ralph Cramdon" should change it to "Ima Chink"?
Cokehead Cop This is plausable! Think urine testing.
Gambler 3.5B sounds like a good bet.
Brett Picciotti Can't tell if the dude should be charged or not. No pictures of the throwee.
Jury Duty Guilty! But he can drive with eyes like that?
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 04/09/09 at 10:15 AM
shame on you macho for making fun of someone with blew eyes.
(one blew this way, one blew that way)
(one blew this way, one blew that way)
Posted by mrjazz on 04/09/09 at 01:16 PM
Betty Brown story- (I'll probably regret this) doesn't anyone remember Ellis Island? where many European immigrants were assigned the town of their birth as thier last name for this specific reason?
my grandparents survived the unimaginable torture, degradation and humiliation of this process....
my grandparents survived the unimaginable torture, degradation and humiliation of this process....
Posted by mrjazz on 04/09/09 at 01:27 PM
Jury Duty - Innocent, unless he's faking the cross-eyes.
Posted by Freddie Freelance on 04/09/09 at 09:26 PM
Jury Duty - story says they used a taser to subdue him... maybe that's why his eye is all wonky. or, maybe he's just a drugged up moron. my vote could go either way.
Brett Picciotti - let's throw him off a second floor balcony and then think of a reason for doing it after we show up in court. If he survives, he can stay in medical school.
And the winner for today's most absurd news is... Texas! Watch out Florida, Texas is making a break for number one.
Brett Picciotti - let's throw him off a second floor balcony and then think of a reason for doing it after we show up in court. If he survives, he can stay in medical school.
And the winner for today's most absurd news is... Texas! Watch out Florida, Texas is making a break for number one.
Posted by Nethie on 04/10/09 at 02:37 AM
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