News of the Weird (1-25-2013)

The News of the Weird Blog
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule

Hand-Picked and Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
Friday, January 25, 2013

© 2013 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Port Canaveral, Fla.: Thank God for the War on Terror! A routine Patriot Act ID check on a vacation cruise ship turned up Robin Hall, who 22 yrs ago skipped out on a court date over swiping a pack of cigarettes. Off to Gitmo!. But she languished in jail several days, without bail, because of the holiday.) WESH-TV (Orlando)

Bakewell, Australia: “For someone to steal dog sperm is a pretty low act.” (Agreed.) NT News (Darwin)

Idaho Falls, Id.: Mark Carroll, 18, was charged with armed robbery of the midnight-shift clerk at a Maverik convenience store. The midnight-shift clerk was his mother. (I know what you’re thinking, but police cleared her. It was an outside job.) KIDK-TV (Idaho Falls)

Moline Acres, Mo.: Tammie Jackson complained that her daughter Gabrielle, 13, is being bullied at school because she has large breasts, and wants a transfer. A school official said she’d look into the bullying charge, but beyond that, Get over it, because there ain’t no school where teenagers ignore large breasts. KTVI (St. Louis)

New York City: Timothy Silo, 42, a probationary (i.e., no rights) cop, sued when NYPD fired him after its shrink said, though Timothy is not a problem drunk, he’s likely to become one. New York Post

Kerry County, Ireland: In a cliche come to life for this country, councillors voted to empower police to issue permits allowing certain people to drive drunk. The theory is that old people who live in the mountains are often alone and depressed and that they need to get out and enspiritize themselves, and, besides, few people live in those areas, and drivers can usually make it home encountering no other drivers. (Alternative theory: The vote was 5-3, and “several” of the five own pubs.) BBC News

North Fort Myers, Fla.: Police haven’t determined what Gregory Bruni, 21, was on, but he invaded an occupied home, naked, babbled in gibberish, scrambled through the house, took a dump by the front door, and responded to being shot at three times (all misses!) by dropping to the floor and masturbating. (Drug researchers, if you recognize these symptoms, notify the NFM police.) WBBH-TV (Fort Myers)

Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . until the mug shot is released]:
Gretna, La.: Without looking at the headline, guess Ralph Wille Jr.’s alleged crime. Bad contest. Everyone I show it to gets it right. WWL-TV (N’awlins)

     Posted By: Chuck - Fri Jan 25, 2013

Port Canaveral, Fla. Yet another life in ruins thanks to Ol'Nick Nicotine!

Bakewell, Au. I'd say it depends on whether it was from a Dane or a Dachshund.

Idaho Falls Reminds me of a country song.

Moline Acres, Mo. We all used to cross the river 'cause the girls on the other bank were, well, ahem..., ah... bigger!

New York City Didn't Bloomberg limit the size of drinks to 16oz?

Ireland My new address will be.....

Fort Myers Well, maybe I'll just stay put!

Jury Duty He looks like a refugee from Hogwarts.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 01/25/13 at 11:14 AM
So the school's response to 13 year old victim of bullying is advice to get a breast reduction operation. Courageous and helpful. Maybe the police could take a leaf out of that book and tell victims of death threats to shoot themselves.
Posted by Harvey on 01/25/13 at 05:07 PM
Jury Duty: looks like he's been into the Gretna Green.

Bewbs: and, of course, it's easier to recommend surgery than it is to have the school system step up to the plate and do something about the bullying. 😠

NYPD: I'm on Tim's side. That shrink sounds like he could use some time on the couch, himself. Plus, a couchside sobriety test probably would yield interesting results.

The Auld Sod: Those fine, upstanding councillors would put profits before public safety? Say it isn't so! Betcha they'll be less understanding if a drunk with a permit dings up their car.
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 01/26/13 at 10:35 AM
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