News of the Weird (1-30-2013)
News of the Weird
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule
Hand-Picked and Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
© 2013 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
These four grown-ups, since high school and for 23 yrs now, play an all-consuming game of “tag” among themselves every February to see who becomes “it” for the year (the last one tagged as the month expires). Since they live in different cities, this is not simple. Creativity flourishes, and relaxing during February will be costly.
Wall Street Journal
The pair are not dead yet, but maybe soon, after they lit up while on top of oil storage tanks at 3 a.m.
Dallas Morning News
To raise money for repairs, St. Peter’s Church, built in the 12th century and apparently eerily quiet inside, is selling 30-minute CDs of that sound of silence. (And if you listen to it with noise-canceling headphones, you time-travel
World’s Greatest Newspaper
Broward County, Fla.:
Bless labor unions’ hearts. The union did its damnedest, but transit driver Larry Moore, 62, is finally out. Nineteen disciplinary actions (some bad driving, some for getting in passengers’ faces), 9 chargeable accidents, on the verge of firing in 2008 but given one more (zero-tolerance) chance (after which they gave him 7 more zero tolerances). Two weeks ago, he took the opportunity to “retire.”
South Florida Sun-Sentinel
Lake City, Fla.:
Derek Lee, 24, home-invaded a women’s jewelry party, but despite a gun still lacked street cred with the women, who thought it was a party gag and that the gun was a toy. As Derek’s anger built, the hostess arose: “In the name of Jesus, get out of my house now!” The others joined. “Je-sus! Je-sus! Je-sus!” Derek fled (and wouldn’t you?). Lake City being a small town, he was soon arrested.
Cottages Row, England:
Either the Least Competent Dog--or a canine thrill junkie--was zapped when he lifted his leg and let a lamppost have it, but there was an electrical short, and a flash, and the dog fell back, shaking. But then (recall an old Steve Martin shtik!) he went back again, same leg, same lamppost, same result.
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . until the mug shot is released]
The charge was merely trespassing on federal property, but the U.S. Constitution still prevents the railroading of men who might be innocent, like, maybe Greg Parker, Earl Allen, and James Tully. (btw, Earl might want to see somebody about that neck.)
Posted By: Chuck -
Wed Jan 30, 2013
More weirdness from the WU archive:
The Husband Detector, 1947
Kerstin Schulz's Pencil Chair, 2005
Predictions for 2013, made in 1913
Smoking Kills: I don't care who you are, that's funny!
Mug Shots: Isn't it really cold in Louisville, KY right about now? I'd say that they didn't want their beer to freeze over.
Posted by KDP in Madill, OK on 01/30/13 at 02:24 PM
Good on them! Keeps them young.
Good try but no Darwin for y'all!
And next week it's "Black Cat in Coal Bin" on canvas!
Don't let's get me started on unions this AM.
Lake City, Fla.
Lake City is, actually, in So. Georgia and that qualifies it to be in the bible belt. So, yea, callin' down JeAsus on someone would be a righteous move.
Like the punch line in that old joke... "You're really not out here for the hunting, are you?"
Missed opportunity: It's been a long time since anyone went postal.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 01/30/13 at 09:46 PM
Sorry, Expat, but Lake City is the other side of the state line from me, and handily so - it's even the other side of I-10 from me. However, the northern part of the F state is still Southern, so the rest of your point is very true. Can I get an Amen?
Smoking kills: once again, someone who forgot that the packet only says that smoking kills; it doesn't say how. Firefighters really hate fires in those storage tanks, because of what happens if water gets into the tank. You've seen the Mythbusters do deep-fried turkey? Now multiply that up by a million of so. Woof.
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 01/31/13 at 10:28 AM
@Scottie: Anything North of Ocala and East of the Georgia line belongs to the land of chenille bedspreads, peaches, and red dirt! The panhandle is up for grabs.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 01/31/13 at 01:24 PM
February tag- If they have the money to do it more power to them.
oil tank- One of those deals where the guy forgot where he was and lit up without thinking about it.
cathedral quiet- If people will buy it then more power to them for finding a way to help finance the restoration.
Larry the transit driver- That is the downside, for every one of those some poor schmuck who is getting railroaded by their employer over bs gets his job saved.
Jewlery party robbery fail- Funny since he ran away, but if he'd have opened fire it would have been another shooting tragedy in the news.
zap the dog- A cat would not have fallen for it twice.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 01/31/13 at 06:27 PM
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