News of the Weird 2.0 (August 5, 2013)
News of the Weird 2.0
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule
Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
August 5, 2013
(datelines July 27-August 3) (links correct as of August 4)
★ ★ ★ ★!
Meet the 20-yr-old guy paying for college by raising cockroaches at home (200,000 of ‘em)--Kyle Kandilian, Dearborn, Mich. (Couldn’t he just raise bunnies instead? No, he said. “Mammals smell too much.”) (Buried Lede: Kyle has a mother who is fine with having 200,000 cockroaches in her home.) Detroit Free Press
Way-Unclear on the Concept: Canada’s Conservative Party, reaching out to show the disabled how much they care, mass-distributed a jobs pamphlet that helpfully had a message at the bottom in Braille. Problem: The dots weren’t raised; it was a photograph of a Braille message. Toronto Star
Documented phenomena similar to a “sharknado” (where animals are picked up into the air and deposited on land): fish (perch, mudfish), frogs, jellyfish, worms, and, once, an alligator. Mother Nature Network
Fine Points of the Law: (1) New York City cops don’t have to give up their safe, cowering positions nearby to come to your rescue if you’re being menaced by a mass murderer. They’re immune to your lawsuit. (2) Even though you’re a full-time struggling artist with street cred, if the Minnesota Dept. of Revenue in its wisdom thinks you’re too eclectic and getting too much pleasure from your work for too little profit, then you’re not allowed to tax-deduct art expenses from your $15k-$20k annual income. New York Daily News /// Minnesota Public Radio
Miracle Village, Fla. (pop. 200), near Pahokee in Palm Beach County, is a quiet hamlet with safe streets and a communality that the residents love, even though more than 100 of them have moved there only because they’re registered sex offenders and have been hassled out of their previous communities. (Florida has tough laws on RSOs living within a light year of schools, parks, etc.) BBC News
More Things to Worry About
Just Can’t Stop Himself: Steven Showers, 60, Ventura, Calif., is a solid Republican but also solidly believes Mitt Romney was/is a racist/Mormon, and he had a neon sign to that effect in his yard--for which he was jailed for three weeks when he refused a judge’s order to turn it off. He just got out, and after dithering a day or two, decided that it’s worth some more hard time to tell people about Romney. Plugged in again! New York magazine
Trouble in Paradise: Julia Merfield, 21, thought so little of her husband Jake that her offer to a hitman to kill Jake just rolled off her tongue. The hitman was of course a cop, and she was convicted, but then Jake insisted on leniency in sentencing: “[M]y wife is a wonderful person. She is a godly woman.” Truly, there is someone for everyone out there. (Sentence was not as bad as it could have been.) ABC News
Update: Norway’s prison system, which never met a prisoner it didn’t want to be nice to, will probably approve (an official said) the application of Anders Behring Breivik (serving 21 yrs for massacring 77 people in 2011) to study political science at the University of Oslo in his spare time. Irish Independent (Dublin)
The lovely Brita West arrived at the detention center in Scott County, Tenn., to see her husband-to-be, who was locked up. She apparently came with a plan . . but on her way in, her dentures came loose, and a jailer spotted the meth pouch she allegedly intended to pass him with a kiss. (Rank these in the order you object to having in your mouth: Brita West’s tongue / a pouch of methamphetamine.) WBIR-TV (Knoxville)
The Aristocrats!
Psychology professor Mark Griffiths of Nottingham Trent University thinks he’s found his careercash cow publishing cow: paraphilias like this guy, turned on by smelling farts (farts of women though--he’s not some pervert bisexual!). He’s now studying fire fetish, blindness fetish, and crying fetish. LiveScience.com
Update: The ex-puppeteer who fantasized about eating children and watching them die got 20 yrs for just the modest collection of child porn he had. He wasn’t convicted on the fantasies, but the fantasies certainly ensured a sentence at the generous end of the scale. Orlando Sentinel
Weekly Cite-Seeing
Readers’ Choice: (1) Dog Eats Paralyzed Man’s Testicle --- KAIT-TV (Jonesboro, Ark.) /// (2) “Deputies [Say] Man Armed with Baseball Bat Tried to Steal from Gun Shop” --- KPTV (Portland, Ore.)
Woman Tries to Buy Two Apple iPhones Online, Ends Up with Actual Edible Apples --- The Independent (London) via Herald Sun (Melbourne, Australia)
Strange Old World
As in the U.S., TV talk shows’ ratings cycle is important in Pakistan, and host Aamir Liaquat Hussain has Springered things up by giving away babies on the air. (They’ve been abandoned, and the recipients have been vetted already so this is just fast-lane adoption . . until something goes wrong, anyway.) Reuters
News reports in Zambia have teachers in Nashongo and Makaba complaining that witches are having sex “invisibl[y]” with them.But that’s just a Third-World problem. Adam Hamilton, 30, Avondale, Ariz., had demon problems, too, and so set fire to his bedroom closet to chase them away. Zambia Daily Mail via Daily Telegraph (London) /// Arizona Republic
Reuters reports a court decision from Porto, Portugal, favoring a trash collector fired for drinking on the job. He must be reinstated because (a) there’s no rule against drinking on the job and (b) “[L]et’s admit it. Their work is unpleasant,” wrote the judges, and taxpayers might actually prefer somewhat tipsy trash collectors because they look more contented on the job. Reuters via Yahoo News
Your Weekly Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . . until the mug shot is released]
James Lyons, 52, St. Augustine, Fla., arrested for getting frisky with a dog, could use some help in how to pose more innocently for his mug shot. Florida Times-Union
Newsrangers: Tim Baer, Caroline Lawler, Steve Dunn, Phillip Laird, and John McGaw, and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule
Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
August 5, 2013
(datelines July 27-August 3) (links correct as of August 4)
★ ★ ★ ★!
Meet the 20-yr-old guy paying for college by raising cockroaches at home (200,000 of ‘em)--Kyle Kandilian, Dearborn, Mich. (Couldn’t he just raise bunnies instead? No, he said. “Mammals smell too much.”) (Buried Lede: Kyle has a mother who is fine with having 200,000 cockroaches in her home.) Detroit Free Press
Way-Unclear on the Concept: Canada’s Conservative Party, reaching out to show the disabled how much they care, mass-distributed a jobs pamphlet that helpfully had a message at the bottom in Braille. Problem: The dots weren’t raised; it was a photograph of a Braille message. Toronto Star
Documented phenomena similar to a “sharknado” (where animals are picked up into the air and deposited on land): fish (perch, mudfish), frogs, jellyfish, worms, and, once, an alligator. Mother Nature Network
Fine Points of the Law: (1) New York City cops don’t have to give up their safe, cowering positions nearby to come to your rescue if you’re being menaced by a mass murderer. They’re immune to your lawsuit. (2) Even though you’re a full-time struggling artist with street cred, if the Minnesota Dept. of Revenue in its wisdom thinks you’re too eclectic and getting too much pleasure from your work for too little profit, then you’re not allowed to tax-deduct art expenses from your $15k-$20k annual income. New York Daily News /// Minnesota Public Radio
Miracle Village, Fla. (pop. 200), near Pahokee in Palm Beach County, is a quiet hamlet with safe streets and a communality that the residents love, even though more than 100 of them have moved there only because they’re registered sex offenders and have been hassled out of their previous communities. (Florida has tough laws on RSOs living within a light year of schools, parks, etc.) BBC News
More Things to Worry About
Just Can’t Stop Himself: Steven Showers, 60, Ventura, Calif., is a solid Republican but also solidly believes Mitt Romney was/is a racist/Mormon, and he had a neon sign to that effect in his yard--for which he was jailed for three weeks when he refused a judge’s order to turn it off. He just got out, and after dithering a day or two, decided that it’s worth some more hard time to tell people about Romney. Plugged in again! New York magazine
Trouble in Paradise: Julia Merfield, 21, thought so little of her husband Jake that her offer to a hitman to kill Jake just rolled off her tongue. The hitman was of course a cop, and she was convicted, but then Jake insisted on leniency in sentencing: “[M]y wife is a wonderful person. She is a godly woman.” Truly, there is someone for everyone out there. (Sentence was not as bad as it could have been.) ABC News
Update: Norway’s prison system, which never met a prisoner it didn’t want to be nice to, will probably approve (an official said) the application of Anders Behring Breivik (serving 21 yrs for massacring 77 people in 2011) to study political science at the University of Oslo in his spare time. Irish Independent (Dublin)
The lovely Brita West arrived at the detention center in Scott County, Tenn., to see her husband-to-be, who was locked up. She apparently came with a plan . . but on her way in, her dentures came loose, and a jailer spotted the meth pouch she allegedly intended to pass him with a kiss. (Rank these in the order you object to having in your mouth: Brita West’s tongue / a pouch of methamphetamine.) WBIR-TV (Knoxville)
The Aristocrats!
Psychology professor Mark Griffiths of Nottingham Trent University thinks he’s found his career
Update: The ex-puppeteer who fantasized about eating children and watching them die got 20 yrs for just the modest collection of child porn he had. He wasn’t convicted on the fantasies, but the fantasies certainly ensured a sentence at the generous end of the scale. Orlando Sentinel
Weekly Cite-Seeing
Readers’ Choice: (1) Dog Eats Paralyzed Man’s Testicle --- KAIT-TV (Jonesboro, Ark.) /// (2) “Deputies [Say] Man Armed with Baseball Bat Tried to Steal from Gun Shop” --- KPTV (Portland, Ore.)
Woman Tries to Buy Two Apple iPhones Online, Ends Up with Actual Edible Apples --- The Independent (London) via Herald Sun (Melbourne, Australia)
Strange Old World
As in the U.S., TV talk shows’ ratings cycle is important in Pakistan, and host Aamir Liaquat Hussain has Springered things up by giving away babies on the air. (They’ve been abandoned, and the recipients have been vetted already so this is just fast-lane adoption . . until something goes wrong, anyway.) Reuters
News reports in Zambia have teachers in Nashongo and Makaba complaining that witches are having sex “invisibl[y]” with them.
Reuters reports a court decision from Porto, Portugal, favoring a trash collector fired for drinking on the job. He must be reinstated because (a) there’s no rule against drinking on the job and (b) “[L]et’s admit it. Their work is unpleasant,” wrote the judges, and taxpayers might actually prefer somewhat tipsy trash collectors because they look more contented on the job. Reuters via Yahoo News
Your Weekly Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . . until the mug shot is released]
James Lyons, 52, St. Augustine, Fla., arrested for getting frisky with a dog, could use some help in how to pose more innocently for his mug shot. Florida Times-Union
Newsrangers: Tim Baer, Caroline Lawler, Steve Dunn, Phillip Laird, and John McGaw, and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
Comments
200k Cockroaches I've tried and just can't even imagine either the wife or Mom allowing that. Seriously, can't even make a mental image.
Braille Dots I coulnd't read it all but the last two are "EH".
1881 Gatornado I believe! Anyone else? If so, please contact me about guaranteed Greek investment opportunity.
Steven Showers Just being a republican in Mexafornia is enough to get you hard time and this dude is workin' overtime.
Forgiving Hubby The only Christian thing he could do.
Brita West Best Methed wife in the penal system.
Trashed Collectors Sounds like a plan. Who's driving?
Jury Duty What's the weight for a little puppy love in Flo-Ridda?
Good week, Chuck.
Braille Dots I coulnd't read it all but the last two are "EH".
1881 Gatornado I believe! Anyone else? If so, please contact me about guaranteed Greek investment opportunity.
Steven Showers Just being a republican in Mexafornia is enough to get you hard time and this dude is workin' overtime.
Forgiving Hubby The only Christian thing he could do.
Brita West Best Methed wife in the penal system.
Trashed Collectors Sounds like a plan. Who's driving?
Jury Duty What's the weight for a little puppy love in Flo-Ridda?
Good week, Chuck.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 08/05/13 at 09:38 AM
Terrorist Anders Behring Breivik will - if he's admitted to the university at all - have to do all his studying in his high-security cell.
He will never meet his professors or fellow students.
He will never meet his professors or fellow students.
Posted by Anders Svenneby on 08/05/13 at 01:35 PM
roaches- AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! If I lived near these people I'd move!
unraised dots- Kinda like the illiteracy sign doncha think??
sharknado- If there was a tornado in Chatanooga would it be a Honado?
paraphilias- So the old dutch oven is foreplay now.
dog- Horrors!!
gun shop- That's kinda like...bringing a baseball bat to a gun shop robbery.
adoption- Atleast this gives girl babies some value over there.
unraised dots- Kinda like the illiteracy sign doncha think??
sharknado- If there was a tornado in Chatanooga would it be a Honado?
paraphilias- So the old dutch oven is foreplay now.
dog- Horrors!!
gun shop- That's kinda like...bringing a baseball bat to a gun shop robbery.
adoption- Atleast this gives girl babies some value over there.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 08/07/13 at 09:02 AM
Anders, that's rather what I had expected, but it is comforting to have confirmation.
Patty, that took me a minute to work out. Next time it storms, now I have to worry if Atlanta is in the fallout radius. Thanks a bunch.
Roaches: 200,000 roaches? Ha! I bet Willie Nelson's smoked more than that!
Gun shop: I suppose at least that's not possession of a firearm during a felony.
Port Whine: If that guy had been caught drinking sherry, they'd never have forgiven him.
Jury duty: he certainly has the creepy look down. Maybe it's a ploy by his attorney to taint the jury pool.
Patty, that took me a minute to work out. Next time it storms, now I have to worry if Atlanta is in the fallout radius. Thanks a bunch.
Roaches: 200,000 roaches? Ha! I bet Willie Nelson's smoked more than that!
Gun shop: I suppose at least that's not possession of a firearm during a felony.
Port Whine: If that guy had been caught drinking sherry, they'd never have forgiven him.
Jury duty: he certainly has the creepy look down. Maybe it's a ploy by his attorney to taint the jury pool.
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 08/07/13 at 11:39 AM
Just goes to show how much you can trust Irish newspapers. (Presumably they're owned by the same people as their English colleagues, similar paragons of Clapham-Omnibusness.)
Breivik has already been confirmed as _not_ being allowed to study politics, or indeed anything else. Though not on account of it being offensive... but because he just couldn't make the required grades.
Breivik has already been confirmed as _not_ being allowed to study politics, or indeed anything else. Though not on account of it being offensive... but because he just couldn't make the required grades.
Posted by Richard Bos on 08/18/13 at 02:21 PM
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