News of the Weird 2.0 (September 16, 2013)

News of the Weird 2.0
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule

Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
September 16, 2013
(datelines September 7-September 14) (links correct as of September 15)

“I know of people who have even more than me,” said Nathaniel Smith, 39, father of 12 boys and 15 girls. He promises he’ll be a great dad. After all, he doesn’t smoke. WHIO-TV (Dayton)

The Permanent Campaign for Parental Licensing: “I was mad, and I was making a point [by dangling her urchin out a window 12 ft up]. I can do what I want with my baby. Nobody can stop me.” Police in Tampa finally did, arresting Aisha Clark, 25, but the excellent BayNews9 reporter wasn’t able to arrest that actual “point” from Clark’s mind. BayNews9 (Bright House cable Tampa Bay)

Phoenix New Times’s stylebook made this sound even worse than it was. Bad enough Christopher Jackson thought he had a right to brand a C and a J onto his girlfriend’s vulva when she passed out. But when the vulva is mistakenly called that inside organ with the especially-sensitive tissue, owwwww! Phoenix New Times

It still happens. A perp fleeing the crime scene trips over his own saggy pants and gets caught. (Bonus: It was a good-looking white guy.) MyNews13 (Bright House cable Central Florida)

Old Friends: Huffington Post catches you up on “Lizardman” Eric Sprague’s latest look. (The last NOTW report had him only half-finished, apparently.) And BBC News shows the latest length of Christine Wilson’s world-record fingernails. Huffington Post /// BBC News [Christine might be Not Safe For Stomachs]

Latest from the Debacle of Department of Veterans Affairs: [In retrospect, it was genius to appoint a general to run the Department because no self-respecting general will quit on the commander-in-chief--since resignation in fury would be Secretary Shinseki’s only hole card to get the president’s and Congress’s attention. So, wounded warriors, might as well dig that bunker deeper.] DVA has made significant progress reducing the case load, it proudly trumpets. Reality: It fast-tracked all the easy cases, meaning it stuffed the difficult, non-visible-brain-injury cases. And then, of course, there are appeals where DVA has low-balled injuries to speed them along, and there are now 256,061 appeals pending--about 50 percent higher since Obama took office. (But good news! Congress will probably renew well-off farmers’ subsidies again [$5bn] and continue paying the 2,300 recipients who have grown zero crops for the past 5 yrs--including the 622 with zero crops in the last 10. So Congress has that going for them.) Washington Post /// New York Times

First Things First: Brooklyn cops derailed an ethnic drug operation. Pity da po’ fool who needed his “DOB” or his “white lady” between sundown Fridays until after sundown Saturdays--closed for business. Associated Press via Brooklyn Daily Eagle

There are perverts, and there are tacky perverts. So the flasher in Sweden followed the lady home and stuck his own package through the mail slot in her front door. The Local (Stockholm)

“Through the yrs, there have been a lot of interesting things here,” said the curator at the Sedro-Woolley Museum in Washington state. This time, it was the burglar, naked and bleeding, and having spent hours (according to surveillance video) “rearranging ladders, broken boards, and pieces of an antique stove . . ..” KIRO-TV (Seattle)

Good to Know: If you use spray deodorant, just do a spritz or two, please. (It’s a way-rapid skin-coolant.) Otherwise, you could look like this Scotsman. Scottish Daily Record [Not Safe For Stomachs]

What would a family reunion be like at the Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaeles’ house? World’s Greatest Newspaper

On successive days in Cabell County, W.Va., and Hollywood, Calif., Superman, Batman, and Captain America performed real-life heroics. (Bonus: One of the rescue-ees: Wonder Woman) WCHS-TV (Charleston, W.Va.) /// KABC-TV (Los Angeles)

“Driver Arrested on Suspicion of Drug Use Was Carrying Bottle of Friend’s Urine” (Of course he was.) Chronicle-Telegram (Elyria, Ohio)

American Engineering Genius: Federal law pretty much prohibits sale and manufacture of machine guns for civilians, but a Texas company has found a loophole (acknowledged by the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco Firearms and Explosives) and will soon sell you your own $6k tommy gun (mimicking a full-auto’s 7 to 17 rounds per second). Said one gun dealer, “It’s not as easy [to use as a full-auto], but it’s fairly idiot proof.” Hey . . fairly! World’s Greatest Newspaper

[Whew! Yr Editor’s tired. More tomorrow. (Yes, I’m fooling around with formats.)]

Your Weekly Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . . until the mug shot is released]

“Performing lewd acts while watching teen girls shower”? Him? Frederick Schulte? Nawwww! South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Newsrangers: Roy Henock and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
     Posted By: Chuck - Mon Sep 16, 2013

Lizardman: Thanks for the label on your chest; I never would have guessed had it not been for that. If people want them, go for it, but don't act all disingenuous when others stare, think it's weird, etc. when you cover your whole body, face included, with them. I love how the checkerboard face guy wants to find a woman with a "real" job. I guess personnel with checkerboard faces aren't as in demand as one might think, huh? I don't wear anything anymore that I had 25 years ago except for my wedding ring, a pair of gold hoop earrings and an Irish fisherman sweater. I can't imagine having to wear a tattoo for the rest of my life, but to each his own.
Hawaiian name: My SIL has three names: one Hawaiian, one Chinese, and one English. When brother was getting married, she wanted to get each other's names engraved on the rings, but her Hawaiian name (which was her first choice to have on the ring) was several letters too long; it would have overlapped.
Posted by ScoutC on 09/16/13 at 10:13 PM
Commenting is not available in this channel entry.