News of the Weird (February 1, 2013)

The News of the Weird Blog
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule

Hand-Picked and Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
Friday, February 1, 2013

© 2013 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Sioux Falls, S.D.: Loretta Lacy had to put pedal to metal across Minnesota to get to her granddaughter’s recital in Racine, Wis., even if it meant a speeding ticket. How about four tickets in 2½ hours (88, 88, 99, 112 mph)? She arrived late. Star Tribune (Minneapolis)

Bristol, England: And speaking of relentless, the ever-hardy Derek Edwards, 69, was finally cited on January 8th for soliciting a prostitute--after cops had already caught him for soliciting twice that night. He had only been lectured to in the earlier incidents. (Bristol)

Bristol, England: And speaking of Bristol, again, a court there has rejected Anthony Gerrard’s appeal, thus keeping his massive porn collection safe, inside police vaults. He had 888 GB of adult porn movies (legal), but included were 11 incidental images of possibly underage models. Thus, police won’t return his computers--because then the police would be “distributing” child porn. (The magistrate had earlier refused to prosecute him for the 11, reasoning that they were probably downloaded mindlessly amongst his humongous adult-porn files.) (Wily Legal Argument: If they gave me my 888 GB back, I’d stay off the vile, disgusting Internet because with my 888 GB, and at age 59, I don’t have that many raging-hormone years left.) (Didn’t work.)

Connersville, Ind.: Jennifer (a nurse) and Jeff Counceller (cop) found an injured deer, nursed it back to health for two years, and had not gotten around yet to releasing it back into the wild, when the state Dept. of Natural Resources charged them with misdemeanor possession of a deer. The Councellers are getting support from all over the world--but DNR won't let go. Indianapolis Star

TV Program Alert: In case you missed the episode of My Strange Addiction on TLC, you should know that “Lisa” is fine with her habit of licking cat hair. Licking it off of the sofa is OK, but Lisa apparently prefers all-natural (i.e., she grooms, too).

Harare, Zimbabwe: The finance minister reported that the famously inflation-amok country has only $217 in the bank right now. (Buried Ledes: Zimbabwe has a finance minister. He keeps a checkbook register.) (73% of the budget goes to pay bureaucrats and soldiers.) NBC News

Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . until the mug shot is released]:

Jefferson County, Mont.: William Province, 42, was accused of waterboarding four boys in his home. Really, does this guy look like he could possibly do such a thing? Montana Standard (Butte)
     Posted By: Chuck - Fri Feb 01, 2013

Bristol, UK At 69 you're supposed to get a 2#$@$@ing medal not a sex education briefing from the cops!

Bristol, UK2 Only 888Gb? Amateur!

Connersville, Ind. So, get a hunting licence and have lunch! (Or shoot the gubment a$$h0le!)

My Strange Addiction NOTICE: All puns referencing the word "pussy" will be deleted. (na... not really)

Harare, Zimbabwe We should have such problems!
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 02/01/13 at 12:11 PM
Speeder: Do they realize how boring it is to drive across the southern sections of Wisconsin, Minnesota and South Dakota? A little weed and a lot of speed is the only way to travel.

Bristol #2: Who waded through all 880 gigabytes of files to find the 11 images that MIGHT be those of underage subjects? Forget the accused, that's real dedication on the part of the cops.

Mug Shot: Not guilty. I like the line "Authorities believe he broke the fingers and wrist of a woman who intervened Dec. 5". Leads me to believe they aren't sure they have their man.
Posted by KDP on 02/01/13 at 12:14 PM
69 *snork*
Nice pair of Bristols! *snork*
Addiction to what? Stop it, I can't take any more! *head explodes*
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 02/01/13 at 02:11 PM
Jury Duty: I find saying that I would make the best juror ever and want to serve as I can almost always tell "just like that" if someone is innocent or guilty. For some reason I've been dismissed every time .. hmmmmmm.....
Posted by BrokeDad in Midwest US on 02/01/13 at 05:04 PM
multiples- How many times does someone have to get stopped or picked up before they are put in jail?

888GB- They found the questionable images, so remove them and give the guy back his stuff!

deer- What a bunch of self important asses.

jury duty- What an ugly mug he is!
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 02/01/13 at 08:27 PM
patty -- 888GB -- The police usually check computers by doing an image search against their database of "known" child porn. Someone would have to view every image in order to see if there might be others. I'm pretty sure it was in England that someone got disability status because their job required them to watch some porn, and they needed therapy afterwards.

(It doesn't seem to bother anyone that the police have the world's largest database of child porn or that some of the pictures in it are of women in their 30's (the "definitive" way of telling age (nipple development) has been shown to be wrong most of the time).)
Posted by Phideaux on 02/02/13 at 01:23 AM
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