News of the Weird (July 20, 2014)

News of the Weird
Weirdnuz.M380, July 20, 2014
Copyright 2014 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Lead Story

Enric Girona recently donated his prototype pet commode to the town of El Vendrell, Spain, hoping to spark worldwide interest. Conscientious owners would train their dogs on the station--a hole in the ground with a flush handle--which is connected to the sewer system, as is the drain grid next to it (for tinkling). The platform, which appears to occupy about 20 square feet of surface, is self-cleaning (although not too clean, said Girona, because dogs are more easily lured with a lingering scent). Spain is already one of the world’s toughest on lazy owners who fail to scoop after their pets, with fines in El Vendrell as high as the equivalent of $1,000 and in Madrid and Barcelona, $2,000). [The Guardian (London), 7-2-2014]

Took It Too Far

The New York customer service company United Health Programs of America provoked a federal lawsuit in June by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over its employee esprit-de-corps policy of requiring workers to pray to God on the job and to say "I love you" to their managers. According to the EEOC, the feel-good, work-harder campaign was suggested by an aunt of United's owner and named for an obscure “truth and compassion” movement called "Onionhead." [Reuters, 6-11-2014]

After two third-graders wet their pants on May 15th at Mill Plain Elementary School in Vancouver, Wash., they blamed teachers for too-strictly enforcing their classroom’s “rewards” system, in which good behavior earns students points redeemable for, among other prizes, restroom breaks. A teachers union investigation concluded that the girls were never “denied” toilet access (but the girls’ mothers pointed out that using restroom breaks as a “reward” might be confusing to 8-year-olds). [Columbian (Vancouver), 5-22-2014]

The Japanese snack company Calbee recently staged a promotion around popular singer Nana Mizuki, giving away 10 backstage passes to her August 3rd concert in Yokohama to the purchasers of 10 lucky bags of secretly-marked potato chips. Her perhaps-hugest fan, Kuzuki Fukumoto, 25, was so determined to win one that by the time he was arrested for littering in May, he had bought and dumped 89 cartons of potato-chip packages, weighing over 400 pounds, that were found at six locations around the city of Akashi. Police estimate he had spent the equivalent of about $3,000. [Mainichi News via, 6-10-2014]

Took It Way Too Far: Britain's news website, combing Facebook pages, located a full photo array from prominent 23-year-old German body art enthusiast Joel Miggler, whose various piercings and implants are impressive enough but whose centerpieces are the portholes in each cheek that expose the insides of his mouth. (With customized plugs, he can seal the portholes when soup is on the menu.) The holes are currently 36mm wide, but he was said to be actively cheek-stretching, aiming for 40mm. Miggler assures fans that his mother likes “most” of his modifications and that the worst aspect so far is merely that he is forced to take smaller bites when eating. (News of the Weird has reported on researchers’ creating portholes in cows’ stomachs, but still . . ..) [Metro, 5-21-2014]

Can’t Possibly Be True

(1) Until the New York governor and legislature addressed the problem recently, it was legal in the state for narcissistic animal owners to force their dogs and cats to endure permanent, decorative tattoos and piercings. At press time, Gov. Andrew Cuomo was poised to sign legislation abolishing the tattooing. (2) Kayla Oxenham, 23, was arrested in Port Charlotte, Fla., in June and charged with using a stick to burn “brands” into the skin of her two children, ages 5 and 7. Among her explanations to police: so she could identify them as being hers and because she had “forgot how much she loved fire.” [NPR, 6-19-2014] [WZVN-TV (Fort Myers), 6-18-2014]

A Davenport, Iowa, jury convicted terminal-cancer patient Benton Mackenzie, 48, in July on four marijuana-growing felonies, even though his purpose was to harvest cannabis oil to treat his bloody lesions and the grapefruit-sized tumor on his buttocks. The judge had barred Mackenzie and his lawyer from even mentioning the illness in court--because of a 2005 Iowa precedent (even though the Iowa legislature has subsequently allowed medical marijuana to treat seizures). Mackenzie’s wife, his 73-year-old parents, his son, and a friend were also charged with assisting Mackenzie’s “operation” (though Mackenzie was almost surely the only “customer”). Mackenzie, who testified and was, of course, sworn to tell “the whole truth,” said he was “flabbergasted” to learn that “the whole truth” excludes anything about his illness. [Des Moines Register, 7-10-2014; Quad City Times, 5-30-2014]

Municipal engineers in the town of Melton Mowbray, England, were called out in June to fix a lingering sewer overrun--caused by, they discovered, "hundreds" of tennis balls that had apparently each been flushed down toilets. (Said the project manager, "We expect [blockages from] fats and baby wipes, but . . ..") [BBC News, 7-3-2014]

Unclear on the Concept

A 60-year-old man with a blood clot has recovered but no thanks to the driver for the South Western Ambulance Service who was ferrying him on a long trip to the emergency room of Derriford Hospital in Plymouth, England, on April 6th. The patient’s family later reported that the driver had stopped enroute to pick up two hitchikers--one a “young” woman in a “skimpy skirt”--and take them to an on-the-way town. The patient, in pain with his toes starting to blacken, eventually had his blood flow restored and did not lose the leg. He reported that the two riders were friendly and wanted to chat about his condition (though he was in no mood). [Western Morning News, 6-12-2014]

American Red Cross boasts of being “transparent and accountable” for the way it spends donations from compassionate people moved to help those in need. However, when the public-policy watchdog ProPublica asked for some details on how the Red Cross used funds donated for 2012 Hurricane Sandy victims in New York, the organization begged off, claiming that details beyond broad generalities were “trade secrets” that it was entitled to protect, lest its “competitors” copy or exploit the techniques it uses to help people. (The Red Cross did release more detailed accounts to the attorney general of New York, but under an agreement of confidentiality.) [, 6-26-2014]


When last we encountered Briton David Truscott (2011), he was being jailed again as a serial trespasser with an unquenchable desire to sneak onto farms and pleasure himself while rolling around, nude, in manure pits--especially the farm of Clive Roth near Redruth, England. Truscott apparently emerged from prison unrepentant and was back in trouble in May with another manure pit incident but this time accompanied by threats to harm Roth and his family and to burn down his farm buildings. (During the most recent incarceration, Truscott had received mental health treatment that allowed him actually to act out in a manure pit, and officials believe he took a turn for the worse when that treatment was curtailed.) [Exeter Express and Echo (Sowton, England), 5-30-2014]

Least Competent Criminals

Recurring Theme: Police in Delray Beach, Fla., barely broke a sweat in July arresting Perry Martin, 55, two days after he burglarized a car, since the crime was caught on the resident’s security camera, and the perp was wearing his company work shirt. An officer showed the video to the I Got Wood LLC flooring company’s owner, who quickly identified Martin. [South Florida Sun-Sentinel, 7-3-2014]

A News of the Weird Classic (December 2009)

The October [2009] "Miss Asia" beauty pageant in Hong Kong mostly followed a traditional script, but special bonus competitions were added, according to a report in The Straits Times. Contestants appeared behind boards with only certain body parts exposed so that judges could comment publicly without knowing which woman they were evaluating. Breast- and waist-judging turned out well for each of the three finalists, but the winner emerged only after the judges had harsh words for the hair of the other two. Wang Zhi Fei and Wang Chen learned the hard way about, respectively, their "lots of dandruff and oily scalp" and significant "signs of hair loss." [The New Paper-The Straits Times (Singapore), 11-12-09]

Thanks This Week to Kev of, and Perry Levin, and Thanks to the News of the Weird Senior Advisors (Jenny T. Beatty, Paul Di Filippo, Ginger Katz, Joe Littrell, Matt Mirapaul, Paul Music, Karl Olson, and Jim Sweeney) and Board of Editorial Advisors (Tom Barker, Paul Blumstein, Harry Farkas, Sam Gaines, Herb Jue, Emory Kimbrough, Scott Langill, Bob McCabe, Steve Miller, Christopher Nalty, Mark Neunder, Sandy Pearlman, Bob Pert, Larry Ellis Reed, Peter Smagorinsky, Rob Snyder, Stephen Taylor, Bruce Townley, and Jerry Whittle).
     Posted By: Chuck - Sun Jul 20, 2014

Yes Chuck, your posts remind me that I am relatively sane!
Posted by BMN on 07/20/14 at 11:55 AM
ILU & prayer @ work- Wow, they were flashing back to the '50s there.

potty breaks- Wanna bet if a kid came into school and said this was happening at home Child Protective Service would be called on the parents?

Chips- I've got a golden ticket...

pet tats- I can't imagine how you'd get a dog, or heaven forbid, a cat to hold still for one short of anesthesia.

pot & sickness- The judge is sicker(mentally) than the poor man.

tennis balls- WHY??

ambulance- Lets hope the driver is now employed for the local bus line instead.

Red Cross- They don't have to be open about expenditures and we all do not have to donate, so perhaps that is what needs to happen.

Manure pit- Reminds me of a very old saying: 'Crazier than a shithouse mouse.'
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 07/20/14 at 10:59 PM
Doggie Doo-doo I talked it over with Hairy and he didn't think it was a good idea but the bitch in the photo was worth a sniff.

UHP of USA Depends on the pay...

Bathroom Breaks I've got an Old Testament idea for a 'learning session' for the teacher(s).

Potato Chips Sounds like a Willy Wonka wanna-be.

Tattooed Critters If this one wasn't written correctly it's going to screw up a whole bunch of identification tattooing in cattle. Yo! PETA! Been chipped yet? You know how much that hurts!

Branded Kids Sounds like a good idea to me! Those three-footers all look the same and NEVER stand still long enough to get a good look anyhow.

The Whole Truth I agree, one takes an oath then is restricted from fulfilling that oath. Don't confuse 'The Law' and 'Justice'.

Tennis Balls It's hard enough to flush a floater let alone a tennis ball.... How about storm grates?

Ambulance Ride 10 to 1 the @@#[email protected]@s won't lose their jobs.

The Red Cross Donate there and watch a whole, whopping 10% actually hit the designated target* street.
* The designated target seems to be the board & employees.

Briton David Truscott You mean PROFESSIONAL HELP didn't?

I Got Wood Well... I wouldn't go that far but it was a good week. Thanks Chuck.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 07/21/14 at 02:02 AM
Pet tattoos as ID are relatively common, particularly for show dogs and the like, so you'd have to be careful about wording the law so that vets/show dog owners/handlers aren't felons. And ExPat is right: lots of farmers, too.

Cancer and weed: I'm a little surprised to find that was in the US. Sounds more British as a dilemma. Which gets you more jail time: stating on the witness stand that you are not telling the whole truth because of a gag order by the judge, or telling the whole truth, and saying that you thought your oath outweighed the judge's gag order?

Dumb criminals: my favorite sort.
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 07/21/14 at 11:48 AM
I don't think 8-year olds are that dumb that they would use their good behavior chits for extra potty breaks when they could get toys and candy with them. And what would an 8-year old use an extra potty break for? Fix their makeup?

Does cannabis oil even do anything for lesions and tumors? Surely there is some other medication that would be more efficacious. Sounds like a dodge to me. I'll go with the judge and jury on this one.
Posted by RobK on 07/21/14 at 12:34 PM
We had some very negative experiences with the Red Cross after a tornado. They refused to feed those who were hungry and instead insisted on leaving prepared food at Churches where plenty of food was already prepared and being served. Never again will we donate to them.
Posted by Blissfully Lost on 07/23/14 at 11:27 AM
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