News of the Weird / Pro Edition (January 20, 2014)

News of the Weird Pro Edition
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule

Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
January 20, 2014
(datelines January 11-January 18) (links correct as of January 19)

Americans tiptoe around the role that genes play in intelligence. Science says genes, in most cases, lock in the range your intelligence will fall almost immutably into. Conservatives seem at war with the science ("All ya need to succeed is hard work"), but liberals are at war with science, too ("All ya need to succeed is opportunity"). Chinese appear more respectful of the science. A dynamic gene-study firm is now proposing to map genes of math prodigies and average people and then, a few steps later, to tell prospective parents which of their embryos might turn out the smartest person. “t’s a controversial topic, especially in the West,” said an official with the Chinese firm BGI. “That’s not the case in China.” World’s Greatest Newspaper

Update: David Eckert’s rectum has probably recovered by now after his rude treatment by sheriff’s deputies who thought he had hidden drugs in the non-sunshine at a traffic stop and, with health care personnel in Hidalgo County, N.M., subjected him to one indignity after another, but finding nary a trace [Weird Universe, 11-12-2013]. However, last week he acquired 1,600,000 reasons to forgive and forget, and those were only the reasons supplied by the sheriff’s office. His lawsuits against the medical center and personnel are still on the table. (Figure 40 percent to the lawyers, leaving him $960k, and say he seethed and grimaced and diarrhea’d up for five days afterward . . .. Each of those 120 hours made him $8,000 richer for his pain and annoyance.) Associated Press via

OK, This Goes Too Far: A company called 3D Babies will take your ultrasounds and construct an actual 3-D print doll of your fetus . . that you can hold . . and rock . . and totally bore your friends with . . for $600. (Bonus: Or . . you can get a doll of the Kim Kardashian-Kanye West crotchfruit for just $250.) [ed. I’ve already changed my mind. This is not too far. Bring it on.] (Oh, and that other thing: 3D Babies needs to get the project funded first.)

Sad: Yr Editor already takes much heat for his admiration for London’s Daily Mail, but I acknowledge one area of the World’s Greatest Newspaper as excessive: They enable joyousness out of people who have situations calling for concern. In fact, self-esteem movement or not, they need help, such as Ms. Sarah Massey, 33, of Chicago, who appears damned proud of having a 7-ft-circumference butt. Take a look. She looks anything but concerned. World’s Greatest Newspaper

Chuck’s Weekly (coming soon, Daily!) Cite-Seeing Tour

Is it Christopher Pagano’s (a) public masturbation habit or (b) his obsession with cheese that more needs to be addressed in counseling?

Running for Orlando City Councilwoman: a 21-time arrestee (even though she’s been seriously rehabbing). Orlando Sentinel

Greater Fool Theory (idiot investors hastily copy Google’s purchase of Nest Labs but buy the wrong Nest, driving its price up 10-fold from "worthless").

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Worst elementary school in NYC, dilapidated, junk-laden, and no one cared (surely not the principal) until the press got on it. New York Post

Many, many problems with U.S. medical insurance, but at least old men are getting their (overpriced) vacuum penis pumps. Washington Times

Some Tar Heel basketball players might not know how to read very well. So? There are agents for that. The Wire

Promised Land: A teen night club used Martin Luther King’s image to publicize an upcoming twerking party. WAGA-TV (Atlanta)

Strange Old World

A Japanese mayonnaise-flinger (tagging high school girls). Japan Crush

Chinese girl, 12, relieved of a 1.1-lb. hairball (70% size of her stomach). Global Times (Beijing)

Metal poles coming up through the train car’s floor will get riders' attention. Brisbane Times

(He’s single, ladies!) Amon Haji, 80, of southern Iran, says he hasn’t bathed since he was 20 (and smokes caca in his pipe). Tehran Times [January 7]

Lawsuit! I used Close-up toothpaste for 7 yrs and still never got a date (plus, my boss slapped me when I tried to kiss her). Metro Naija (Lagos)

In England, only a suspended sentence for unsuccessfully wrangling urine from teen girls. WSCountyTimes

A truckload of real caca, dumped outside France’s lower house in disgust at President Hollande. Agence France-Presse via Google News

Your Weekly Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . . until the mug shot is released]

Does Patrick Brennan, 48, of San Jose, Calif., look like someone with a double skill-set (arson and sex crimes)? San Francisco Chronicle

Newsrangers: Gerald Davidson, and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
     Posted By: Chuck - Mon Jan 20, 2014

Smart Genes Sounds like somebody should read Ender's Game or, at least, go see the movie. (Nope, not seen it yet myself.)

David Eckert’s Rectum There should be some jail time in there too.

3D Fetuses And on the 8th day, the Lord said, "Let there be idiots that their money shall not stagnate but shall be sent forth unto all the land."

7ft Butt Isn't there a picture of her sitting on some guys head on the interweb somewhere?

NY PS 106 The real story here is that some news organization finally related some actual news that made an actual positive impact. A rare thing in today's 24min news cycle.


Mayonnaise-Flinger Oh, if only it was just mayonnaise. 😜

1.1lb. Hairball Cat-a wooman. (read the accent)

Close-up Lawsuit Oh, please, let's wastes the courts time on this crap.

UK Urine Wrangling A whole new meaning to "Getting Pissed".

French Caca A saucy move brought on by jealousy.

Jury Duty There'll be a hot time in the old town tonight! Fry'em!
:lol: Chuck said, "Skill set then showed us that picture." :lol:
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 01/20/14 at 10:44 AM
genetics- How many IQ points is the bottom line for aborting the fetus? This could get ugly.

search- That's what they get, the poor guy was raped repeatedly.

3D doll- Those are creepy looking!

Swiss cheese- Riding around masturbating with cheese is no way to go through life dude.

city council- This is what we have left when all the decent people are driven out of politics.

reading at NCAA level- Sports is not education friendly.

MLK- That family has been known to sue for likeness infringement, they better look out.

French doodie- That is funny, one way to say the level of public service stinks.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 01/20/14 at 06:54 PM
Look at those puppy eyes. Ol' Patty is entirely innocent.
Posted by Ed on 01/20/14 at 11:28 PM
Genes: and yet it's more complicated than that, too.

7ft bottom: making a rocking Jupiter go round?

Cheese: what really needs adressing is that the Brother Lovers think that there's only one kind of "Swiss cheese". Come on, guys, details! Was he using Gruyere? Too hard and uncomfortable. Emmental? No, then he'd have performed the "acts" himself. Tête de Moine? But what about the scraper? Raclette? But think of the heat... The public have a right to know!

Train pole: quite a coincidence - this week, a very similar thing happened not fifty miles from here. Link in Dutch: <>
In this case, police are now assuming intent, but a motive has yet to emerge.
Posted by Richard Bos on 01/21/14 at 07:30 AM
Isn't there a picture of her sitting on some guys head on the interweb somewhere?
Posted by Kemenag on 04/07/14 at 01:38 AM
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