[News] Your Daily Losers

[Editor's Note: By the way, I'm back at work after spending a week at cynicism training camp (I was honor graduate!). My format's a little different nowadays so that I can put up more posts (though the e-mail subscribers will still get just one cumulative mail a day) (and you can sign up for the e-mail, via Mr. Google, here). Today's Newsrangers will be listed in the day's final news post.]
Jeffrey Latham, 37, Pasadena, Tex., recipient of one of the shortest probations on record (after sobering up, convicted of DUI, given probation, two hours later reporting to the probation office to register, but by then, drunk on his ass). Beaumont Enterprise
Marcel Fournier, 19, Concord, N.H., reported by prosecutors to have illegally hunted does instead of bucks, including, in one case, using epoxy and "lag bolts" to nail a 10-point rack on a doe's head, to fool inspectors. Burlington Free Press
Terence Loyd, 32, arrested in Mansfield, La., after having scurried around on all fours, eaten dog food, rolled around in and eaten mud, and growled like a mutt (PCP is back!). Shreveport Times
Matthew Dugger, 21, Cape Coral, Fla., faced with debilitating F State boredom, was sent to the ER (reason: obvious) early into an afternoon of smashing bullets with a hammer in his driveway. WZVN-TV (Fort Myers)
Derek Clark, 26, is in an intensive care unit in Evansville, Ind., about to be charged with a home invasion that didn't work out (shot by homeowner, then accidentally run over by his wheel man . . twice). WFIE-TV (Evansville)

     Posted By: Chuck - Mon Mar 16, 2009

hi chuck, welcome back! we missed you dude.

drunk- appearently this guy is where he needs to be. or rehab.

doe- if you find yourself glueing and bolting antlers to a female deer, you just might be a redneck! :cheese:

pcp- atleast he didn't fight the police, this drug renders people damn near unstoppable when they choose to fight.

hammer- natural selection, to bad the scrapnel didn't hit his balls and take his sorry ass out of the gene pool.

home invasion- i just keep thinking that with friends (accomplises) like that, who needs enemies?
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 03/16/09 at 07:01 AM
A week without Chuck is like a week without _________. 😉

Jeffrey Latham Like my mom always said, "A job worth doing is worth doing well."

Marcel Fournier Ya, gotta read the story. The game warden is a hoot, simply a hoot, that's what he is.

Matthew Dugger Yo, Mom, duck! And would you believe that Cape Coral is on then expensive side of the river!?! 😖

Derek Clark No mention of the homeowner going to jail for shooting some SOB. Oh, wait, this was in Indiana not California. Sorry, my bad.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 03/16/09 at 09:34 AM
Detectives said they will release an official statement regarding Sunday's shooting on Monday...

"He be a complete idiot! He is lucky to be alive!"
Posted by agent j in Toronto, Canada on 03/16/09 at 12:02 PM
Marcel Fournier - I would have used deck screws. Maybe he should have consulted a taxedermist and asked how the make jackalopes.
Posted by Matt in Florida on 03/16/09 at 12:03 PM
Terence Loyd

Just a point to make here. Even though this happened in LA., the guy was a Texan.
Posted by Madd Maxx on 03/16/09 at 12:31 PM
wenthral thanks for the great stories from your misspent youth. i'm so glad you are still here to tell them! 😊

maxx, everything from texas is bigger- including the idiots! :lol:

a week without chuck is like a week without sunshine! :cheese:
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 03/16/09 at 06:25 PM
Derek Clark - to see more like him, and to laugh until you shoot some kind of liquid from your nose, visit the dumbest criminals video website - The Smoking Gun Presents...Dumbest
Posted by Nethie on 03/16/09 at 06:32 PM
wenthral i believe that's where the phrase-more luck than sense-came from. i'd love to see your list sweetie, i bet it's a hoot.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 03/17/09 at 06:54 PM
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