The Purpose-Driven Wardrobe Malfunction, Plus He Married The Bitch

News of the Weird Daily
Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Things to Worry About

Troy Brisport, 34, was charged with kidnaping and restraining a 22-yr-old woman for three days, but the only assaulting he did during that time was bombarding her with Bible verses. Toledo Blade

Can't stop himself: Arrested last year for doing immunizations, mammograms, and colonoscopies without a license, "Dr." Jack Readnour got out on bail, but now he's opened another "clinic" at the Holiday Inn Express (and it's an extra $10 if he provides transportation). WLWT-TV (Cincinnati)

A city council meeting in Sarasota, Fla., was the scene that Mr. Steve Lightfoot chose for releasing his bombshell information that John Lennon was actually murdered by, um, eerie-ol' Stephen King (who has a home near Sarasota), and not Mark David Chapman. WWSB-TV

Castle Hills, Tex. (near San Antonio) has just instituted a $55 fee for responding to 911 medical emergencies (but your first call a year is free!). KENS-TV (San Antonio)

Another day, another ridiculous wedding in India (boy, age 1½, to a dog, to keep kid from being eaten by a tiger because that's what happens to toddlers with out-of-place teeth coming in). Agence France-Presse via Yahoo

Readers' Choice: Man in China has wife and 5 squeezes. Economy sours. Needs to pink-slip 4 squeezes. Holds a contest (with independent judge). The 5 don't know what contest is for. Categories: beauty, talent, alcohol capacity. First-one-cut gets word, sets up the man and other 4 squeezes, driving everyone off a cliff. She dies, others merely injured. Plan exposed. Everyone dumps man (including wife). Ta-daaaa! CNN [UPDATE: The Chinese reporter on this story was fired for plagiarism, and the editor is investigating whether the story was true-plagiarized or fiction-plagiarized.]

Comments on Things to Worry About?
Comments 'worry_090218'

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
In Clackamas County, Ore., police arrested Byron Earl Huff, 47, and confiscated his pants, which they said were of "specialized tailoring" to enable him easier access to, y'know, his goodies. KGW-TV (Portland)
Comments 'byron_huff'

Your Daily Jury Duty
["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
What kind of a man would take a dump in, and then flush, an already-clogged toilet? Maybe Ephrim Coburn, 51, Lakewood Park, Fla., who maybe threatened to kill that work-crew manager who got ticked at him. (Stuart, Fla.)
Comments 'ephrim_coburn'

Editor's Note
If you're an editor anywhere in America, and ya put the word "wedgie" in a headline, you're gonna get traffic. So here's that story. I wish it were more interesting, but ultimately it's just a story with a "wedgie" reference. Associated Press via Yahoo
Comments 'wedgie_editors'

Today's Newsrangers: Bruce Alter, V. Berthelsdorf, and, on the Chinese-mistresses story, I stopped counting after Eli Christman, Emory Kimbrough, Scott Loflin, and Don Schullian. Sorry.
     Posted By: Chuck - Wed Feb 18, 2009

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