Trillions and Ziggityboombadillions, Plus Never Give It Up

News of the Weird Daily
Tuesday, February 17, 2009

News Noir (got Cynicism Deficit Disorder?)
You didn't get to read this story unless you were in a hotel yesterday ('cause it was in USA Today), but the newspaper totaled up the value of all the benefit promises that state and local gov'ts have made to their retirees but have no money for (and remember that, unlike the feds, these gov'ts can't just print more), and it's, um, about a trillion bucks. That's another trillion that's not part of any trillion you've been reading about lately. For example, Dover, N.H. (pop. 26,000) will see retiree health care costs "triple to $3 million annually in the next 10 years." USA Today
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Never give up your story (I)
In Britain, Elda Beguinua, 63, who was convicted of fraud last yr and sent to prison, was additionally ordered this week to pay back victims £850k ($1.21m), which is a bargain in that she continues to insist that she owns gold and gems located in 22 caves in the Philippines worth "300 followed by 41 zeros," presumably in pounds. Judge, please, she begged; I just need a year to work with the 10,000 guards to get the treasure out. BBC News
Comments 'elda_beguinua'

Never give up your story (II)
Your Editor is embarrassed to admit having missed this story the first time around, in 2004, when Michael Labelle was trying to stave off extradition from Arkansas to Idaho on a probation-violation warrant and swore up and down in court that he was really Robert Labelle and that Michael was his identical (and evil) twin. Why is your birth certificate for one person and not twins? (Uhhhh . . We're . . Siamese twins . . yeah . . yeah.) Yesterday, at the 5-year mark, the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette revisited the case, and Labelle (on the phone from Idaho, where he's still in the joint) finally admitted to lying. But wait. Only partially. He does have a twin brother, but he himself is the evil one. Even now, with no upside, he can't quite give it up. Arkansas Democrat-Gazette
Comments 'michael_labelle'

More Things to Worry About

A former radical Sadrist (as in Moqtada al-Sadr) is now a founder of the resurgent Baghdad arts community (abstract, expressionist, conceptual). New York Times

As two other British boys in addition to the 13-yr-old boy await the DNA test to determine who's the daddy, London's press reports that maybe as many as eight boys have "known" the 15-yr-old mom (Bonus: The London press continues to describe the boys mainly as "sleeping" with the girl, as if they've ever even dozed off once with her.) Daily Telegraph [well . . among 3,000 other cites]

If you have 14 kids to raise (including one with autism, three others with developmental problems, and eight still in the hospital) and are on the dole in a state whose gov't is just about bankrupt, high up on the To-Do List is hiring an agent. Associated Press via WBBM Radio (Chicago)

And if you've been convicted of 8 arsons, and admitted to 12 others, all while you were a fire dept. official, you're still going to demand your $50k/yr pension (if it's "Chicago" we're talking about). Chicago Tribune

Readers' Choice: The Muslim founder of a Buffalo, N.Y.,-area organization that seeks tolerance for Islam was arrested for, er, killing and beheading his wife. Buffalo News

Comments on Things to Worry About?
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Your Daily Jury Duty
["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
A waiter spotted Robert Psaty, 57, spiking his date's drink while she went to the head. But he had a reason, he said, and the jury in Colorado Springs bought it. Was he lying? Associated Press via KUSA-TV (Denver)
Comments 'robert_psaty'

Today's Newsrangers: John Brewer, Susan Johnson, Steve Altes, Ginger Katz

     Posted By: Chuck - Tue Feb 17, 2009

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