News That Sounds Like a Joke (3-9-2010)
News That Sounds Like a JokeSome Weeks, News of the Weird / Pro Edition just isn't enough
March 9, 2010
(datelines February 27-March 6) (links correct as of March 9)
Global Warming (and Bathtub) Alert: Scientists from the University of Fairbanks discovered that about 8 million tons of methane is bubbling up from the frozen tundra north of Siberia. (They don't know whether the gas has been coming up all along or just started.) Reuters via ABC News
Toyotas Are Safer: Near Arlington, Wash., a 59-year-old man driving his 1978 Buick left the road and careened down an embankment. His steering wheel had come off in his hands. KOMO-TV (Seattle)
A Swiss condom manufacturer believes that a market awaits in the person of younger teenage boys who are sexually active but find adult sizes too loose. It will begin making a "small" for 12- to 14-year-olds. Unaddressed question: Are there 12- to 14-year-olds actually anticipating sex who would let themselves be seen with a "small"? Daily Telegraph (London)
Arelisha Bridges, 45, was charged in Atlanta with murdering her 26-year-old husband following a domestic altercation. Bridges is a registered lobbyist for an anti-domestic-violence organization. (On the other hand, she's probably not a very good lobbyist, as her total expenses for the year amount so far to $20.) Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Covington, Ky., psychiatrist Douglas Rank was arrested two weeks ago when his own personal demons bubbled over, resulting in his going bloodily samurai on his girlfriend. Apparently, several of his patients are in such bad shape that they've called the jail to see if Dr. Rank can keep his regular appointments while in lockup. Kentucky Enquirer
The Times of India reported that a 55-year-old man checked in to a Kolkata hospital, suffering from a 21-day (and counting) erection. It's a serious story, with warnings and care instructions about priapism. But the name of the hospital is the Wockhardt. The Times of India
Paul Railton was fined £66 ($100) and assessed three driver's license points for walking his dog on a country road by holding the leash out the window as he motored along. His lawyer admitted there was "an element of" of laziness involved. Associated Press via MSNBC
Germain Bowman-McDonald filed a lawsuit against a wig store in New York City based on a July incident when a plastic mannequin head fell on her left foot. The nerve damage that resulted, she said, has left her unable to curl the toes of that foot. Her husband filed a separate lawsuit asserting that the injury has prevented their having satisfactory sex (i.e., no toe-curling for him, either). New York Daily News
The Aristocrat! Toni Tramel, 31, jailed in Owensboro, Ky., for public intoxication, had "assault on a police officer" added to her booking sheet. She had squirted her breast milk at her female jailer. WBKO-TV (Bowling Green, Ky.)
Newsrangers: Kaitlyn Buckway, Kathryn Wood, Kiki Yablon, Graham Rankin, Steve Wagner, Larry Seltzer, Peter Smagorinsky, and Mark Yeager.
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