Just Some Weird Crap!

A New York jeweller briefly owned the world’s most valuable pet earlier this year when his golden retriever swallowed a $20,000 diamond by mistake. Sollie, the dog, had accompanied his owner George Kaufman to the latter’s jewellery shop where Mr. Kaufman and his partner were intending to inspect some gemstones. Unfortunately a diamond weighing 3 carats fell to the floor where it was immediately snatched up by Sollie and swallowed. After a vet recommended that nature be allowed to take its course, Kaufman spent the next three days carefully collecting and dissecting everything Sollie produced before finally retrieving the gem (Telegraph).

Perhaps he should have contacted Ireland’s first official dog-waste removal company, Mr. Scoopy-Poo. The brainchild of Irish entrepreneur William O’Brian, Mr. Scoopy-Poo (motto, “Business stinks – but it’s picking up!”) will clean up after your dirty dogs into biodegradable bags and hygienically dispose of them, for a price of course. After all, where there’s muck there’s brass, and occasionally diamonds (Irish Examiner).

But O’Brian may be missing a trick here, why dispose of faeces when you could be selling it as the latest must have fashion item? What sounds like insanity may be an idea whose time has come. How else can you explain not one but two manure-based products in the same week?

First up is London based artist and designer INSA, who has produced a pair of 10” stilettos incorporating elephant dung. And this isn’t just dung from any old elephant either, this is dung from the very same elephant family that produced the infamous extra ingredient for a series of paintings made by artist Chris Ofili in the 90s. Yup, in these shoes you are literally standing on celebrity elephant dung (Huffington Post).

And hot on the precipitous heels of INSA is Geneva based watchmaker Yvan Arpa, who has crafted his latest $11,000 wrist-candy from toad skin and dinosaur doo. The watches, to be made and sold by Swiss watchmakers Artya, feature a face cut from a 100 million year-old “coprolite”, or fossil faeces, left behind by an ancient plant-eater in what is now the United States. And the quality American materials don’t just amount to a pretty face as the strap is lovingly crafted from the hide of an American cane toad. The mechanism though is pure Swiss craftsmanship (Star Tribune).

Image: Maggie Smith / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Follies of the Mad Men #92

Would anyone want to carry a condom that advertised its presence by thumping?

Weird 2.0 (3-16-2010)

Weird 2.0
March 16, 2010
(datelines March 6-March 13) (links correct as of March 16)
by Chuck Shepherd
© 2010 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

"To see what is in front of one's nose requires a constant struggle"—George Orwell
"A little learning is a dangerous thing"—Alexander Pope
"Nero Fiddles While Rome Burns"—Rome Daily Inquirer, 7-18-64A.D.

Texas Public School Officials Set to Inbreed Knowledge: A solid majority of the state's Board of Education don't much believe in "evolution" or in "separation of church and state" or in the weaknesses of capitalism, and they are determined that their own kids, and all other Texans', learn the correct things. They are in the process of prescribing the content for the state's textbooks (as opposed to what other states do, which is to select among what scholars in the relevant fields write). New York Times

Possibly joining the Texas Board of Education soon is a genuine cipher candidate, Tony Cunningham, who won a district's Republican primary with 58 percent of the vote, even though the Party establishment knew nothing about him (which in one sense makes him perfectly well qualified to write school textbooks). Plus, Cunningham admits to filing for the office only because he mistakenly thought it was a paid gig–based on numbers on the back of the form, which were actually a schedule of fees.) San Antonio Express-News

Sticks and Stones and Words May Break My Bones: The county school board chairman in St. Petersburg, Fla., called the gang of disruptive kids that made life miserable for teachers and students in one middle school "hoodlums"–a word that for some reason created waves of indignation among community leaders who specialize in becoming offended. Hence, based on the whims of a few, another perfectly serviceable dictionary word nears retirement. St. Petersburg Times

The Continuing Campaign to Make Americans Perfect: New York state Assemblyman Felix Ortiz of Brooklyn introduced legislation to prohibit restaurant chefs from adding salt to their dishes. Whatever is individually virtuous must be mandatory. WNEW-TV (New York City)

More in extended >>

Snow Sculpture

The MTV show 'Jackass', where the contestants participate in various stunts for the camera, was recently filming in Truckee, California. Producers assured town officials that a snow sculpture they intended to build would not be offensive. Some town folk did find the giant snow sculpture of a penis spraying white fluid in the air offensive, go figure. Picture in extended. NSFW including links.
http://cbs13.com/local/truckee.snow.penis.2.1563891.html
http://www.fox40.com/news/headlines/ktxl-news-penissculpture0314,0,7814147.story?track=rss More in extended >>

It’s A Bird! It’s A Plane! It’s A… Hovercraft?!

With all this talk of ground-effect craft on WU recently, perhaps you feel like owning one, and not just a rusting cold-war relic either. Well now you can as self-taught New Zealand mechanic Rudy Heeman has decided to sell the pride and joy it took him 10 years to build, a flying hovercraft.

At low speeds the vehicle behaves much as any hovercraft would, covering most surfaces with the usual ease, but over 70 km/h the craft's detachable lightweight wings kick in and it takes to the air. But despite being surprisingly nimble in flight, Heeman's invention, called the "WIG", doesn't require a pilot's license to fly (in New Zealand at least) since like all hovercraft it is classed as a marine vehicle. Video in the link (Sky News).

No Sex Please, I’m Australian!

When Norrie May-Welby of Paisley in Scotland was growing up he didn't feel quite at home as a man, so when he moved to Australia 20 years ago he decided to undergo a sex-change and live as a woman. Now he's decided he doesn't much like being a woman either and has become the world's first officially recognised "neuter". Now neither a Mr, Mrs or Ms, May-Welby stopped taking the hormone supplements that were keeping him female and instead has convinced the Australian government to issue him a new set of documents that list his sex as "not specified" (Sify News).

The Bagel Has Landed!

"That's one small step for man, one giant leap... to infinity and beyond!"

Those, presumably, are what 1-in-10 UK schoolchildren believe were the historic words spoken by the first man on the moon, who according to them was Buzz Lightyear.

In a survey of 1000 primary and secondary school pupils by Dr Pam Waddell of Birmingham in England, Buzz was the top incorrect answer given to the question of who was the first man on the moon, though other incorrect responses included Richard Branson, Lance Armstrong and Luke Skywalker. Another question, who invented the telephone, drew answers of Charles Darwin, Noel Edmunds and the Queen, while Isaac Newton was variously credited with discovering fire, DNA and America. The results, released just ahead of a British "National Science and Engineering Week" to promote science to schoolchildren, shows that educators there still have a long way to go (Telegraph).

(Image Source: FreeClipArtNow.com)

News of the Weird / Pro Edition (March 15, 2010)

News of the Weird/Pro Edition
"You're Still Not Cynical Enough"

Exceptionally Inexplicable Dispatches from Last Week
March 15, 2010
(datelines March 6-March 13) (links correct as of March 15)

Snail-Mucus Worshipers, Plus Cosmetic Caulking, the Wages of Bullying, and Fun with Door Locks

More Uncomplicated Americans
Guru Charles Stewart, 48, was arrested in Miami for smuggling in Giant African Snails, which if caressed by the sick could, according to his preaching, heal (provided that the afflicted believe). However, the U.S. Department of Agriculture knows for sure that the snails carry bacteria in their mucus that provoke violent vomiting. Nonetheless, it's a lifestyle choice. WFOR-TV (Miami)

Shhhhhh, Don't Tell the Jury!
The truck driver took his family with him on a day-plus hauling job, but at a rest stop, he accidentally ran over his little daughter, who now probably needs total care for the rest of her life. Since the driver was "on the job," his company's insurance must pay $24 million. But the judge never told the jurors that it was not any old company driver, but the girl's own ridiculously careless daddy who ran her over. The judge didn't want to "prejudice" the jury. They didn't find out about daddy until they got home and saw it on the news. Sacramento Bee

More Texass Justice
More evidence that Texas simply does not accept the U.S. Constitution's Eighth Amendment: 60 years in prison for possession of 1.3 grams of crack (about half the weight of a U.S. dime). 35 years for possession of 4.6 ounces of marijuana (lenient; the prosecutor had demanded 99). Houston Press /// Tyler Morning News

The Vatican Is Not Safe, Says Its Chief Exorcist
Satan is in the house! Father Gabriele Amorth has done 70,000 exorcisms (batting average undisclosed) and so should know better than anyone where the devil hangs out. The Times (London)

Only in the Netherlands
The NU'91 union feels the need to organize a public campaign in support of nurses, who fear their job descriptions are in immediate danger of being expanded to include providing onanistic assistance to disabled patients. Suppository-insertion still OK. Reuters

More in extended >>

Banksy’s Meat

Just Passin’ Through

Pictured above is the Gate Tower Building in Fukushima-ku, Osaka, Japan. The tennent for the 5th-7th floors of the 16 floor structure is the Hanshin expressway. Reminds me of part of a children's song, 'Can't go over it, can't go under it, gotta go through it."
http://caveviews.blogs.com/cave_news/unusual_news_stories/index.html

All original content in posts is Copyright © 2008 by the author of the post, either Alex Boese ("Alex"), Paul Di Filippo ("Paul"), or Chuck Shepherd ("Chuck"). All rights reserved. The banner illustration at the top of this page is Copyright © 2008 by Rick Altergott.