Weird Universe Archive

January 2009

January 15, 2009

The Tattoo Connection

Feast your eyes upon what one commenter at YouTube has deemed "the worst martial arts movie ever made."

The first clip is the trailer for The Tattoo Connection--NSFW, by the way, with a naked woman visible in spots--while the second is part one of ten for the whole film.

Don't be confused by the abrupt opener on part one: that's how the DVD begins, with credits several minutes into the film.



Posted By: Paul - Thu Jan 15, 2009 - Comments (4)
Category: Stupid Criminals, Martial Arts, Foreign Customs, 1970s, Asia

Holy Adolescent Matrimony, Plus the Empathetic Potted Plant

News of the Weird Daily
Thursday, January 15, 2009

Things to Worry About

The senior Saudi Arabian cleric, the ol' grand mufti Sheikh Abdul-Aziz Al Sheikh, decreed that contrary to the critics of child marriage, it would be an injustice to prevent 10-yr-olds from enjoying the benefits of holy matrimony. Daily Mail (London)

Depression in Japan takes another step forward as Sega Toys Co. Ltd introduces a mechanical potted plant that nods appreciatively, such as when you're getting certain things off your chest to no one in particular. Agence France-Presse via Yahoo

Update: New Jersey child-welfare officials have removed three kids from that white supremacist home [NOTW Daily, 12-15-2008] (Miss Honszlynn Campbell, 1, Master Adolf Hitler Campbell, 3, and Miss JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, 1). Express-Times (Easton, Pa.)

OMG—A California girl made the news last week when it got out that there were 14,528 text messages on her account one month (send and receive), but then yesterday, an F State 14-yr-old girl went deep, revealing 35,463 last June, which is roughly 74 per waking hour. Orlando Sentinel /// Orange County Register (California gal)

Comments on Things to Worry About?
Comments 'worry_090115'

Your Daily Loser
LaKeitha Watson-Atkinson might still be at large in the Fort Myers, Fla., area after snatching $1,200 worth of purses from a TJ Maxx store in Cape Coral. But she holds the distinction, while fleeing store security, of being run over—twice!—by her getaway car. She finally was able to climb in but in the commotion, one of her name-imprinted checks fell on the ground. Fort Myers News-Press
Comments 'lakeitha_watson'

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Dentist Mark Anderson is on trial this week in Sacramento, Calif., accused of feeling up 26 patients in the course of dental work. His lawyer said Anderson never had a single sexual thought as he was fondling underneath bras, though, because what he was doing, actually, was massaging their boobal areas to relieve common jaw pain (with the jaw muscle connected to the . . chest muscle . . and the chest muscle connected to the . . well, you get the picture). Sacramento Bee
Comments 'mark_anderson'

Your Daily Jury Duty
["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
Mr. Harmit Singh Bhangu, who, if he is guilty, might still be blameless in that he says it was God pulling his strings. Calgary Herald
Comments 'harmit_bhangu'

Today's Newsrangers: Bill Stewart, Nate Tracy

Posted By: Chuck - Thu Jan 15, 2009 - Comments (0)
Category:

Pit Stop On-Board Urinal

I have a friend who recently decided to become a trucker. She took a training course and got a job, but she said that unless you're willing to break the law and drive more hours than you're supposed to, you don't make any money trucking.

Which, I suppose, is why there's a market for this product: The Pit Stop On-Board Urinal (Warning: the site automatically plays an audio message). From their site:

As a driver, you have challenges getting the most miles into your day... Challenges like:
• 150 miles till the next rest stop
• A full bladder from drinking beverages like coffee, water and soda's
• An inconvenient, unscheduled stop when you are hauling 45,000 pounds of valuable cargo
• Leaving your truck in the middle of the night to relieve your bladder
Suffer No More !!!
The first hundred miles you save, Pit Stop® pays for itself!

Posted By: Alex - Thu Jan 15, 2009 - Comments (7)
Category: Bathrooms

Reusable Double Eyelid Makers

Blepharoplasty (double eyelid surgery) is the most popular form of cosmetic surgery in Asia. Unlike westerners, many Asian people don't have a crease above their eye, and this surgery artificially creates one.

But if you're too cheap for the surgery, this gadget promises the same results for only $3.32. It appears to be a set of clips that pinch your eyelids to create a crease.

Not painful at all if wore less than 5mins, it could start to pinch if worn too long.
Worn on and off for about a week and double lid is still there
Good construction, once again not really painful
Comes with a clear rest to hold clips when not in use

Sounds like a bargain! (via pharyngula)

Posted By: Alex - Thu Jan 15, 2009 - Comments (4)
Category: Body Modifications

January 14, 2009

Marriage Is A Partnership

Posted By: Paul - Wed Jan 14, 2009 - Comments (6)
Category: Domestic, Marriage, Sexuality, Husbands, Wives, 1950s

Kenner 1973 Toy Catalog, #17

And as Captain Beaky sails off toward the Island of Antique Toys, we bid farewell to this survey of a time slightly less commercialized and more innocent than the present day. No Bratz Dolls, no Guitar Hero, no Mattel Mind-Controllers, no iPods preloaded with episodes of Hannah Montana. What will the next 35 years bring? Stay tuned!

image

Posted By: Paul - Wed Jan 14, 2009 - Comments (4)
Category: Toys, Advertising, 1970s

Fairness for Defendants and for People Who Actually Did See a Sign from Mary or Jesus

News of the Weird Daily
Wednesday, January 14, 2009

British judge says accused robber can't get a fair trial because the testifying victim is "too believable"
She's so credible that the jury will slurp up every word she says, and that's unfair, so the judge dismissed the robbery charge and freed the defendant. (Seriously.) [Ed.: Actually, this has a solid basis in law, but I don't want to spoil it for you. If you're interested, see the Editor's Note at the bottom of today's post.] Daily Mail
Comments 'too_believable'

Good to see that the price of child-selling hasn't dropped in this recession
This 14-yr-old California girl went for $16k cash, plus 150 cases each of beer and soda, two cases of wine, and some meat. Bonus: Dad summoned the cops (calling the gal a "runaway") only because the buyer failed to pay up. Extra Bonus: Authorities believe that, since both buyer and seller are Mexican, the transaction (arranged marriage) would have been perfectly acceptable where they come from. Monterey County Herald via Houston Chronicle
Comments 'child_selling'

The Pope: From now on, y'all, only "legitimate" appearances of Mary and Jesus will be acceptable
Benedict'll use a step-by-step process to introduce rigor into claims of apparitions and stigmatas because all those spurious, delusional sightings are embarrassing the Church. Bleeding statues, reflections in windows, etc., will be denounced . . unless of course they're determined by this rigorous process to be actual signs from God. Those signs will be approved. Daily Mail (London)
Comments 'legitimate_apparitions'

More Things to Worry About

Two college football coaches, wrestling in a 4th-floor hotel room at a conference in Nashville, accidentally fell out the window (and one is in critical condition). Associated Press via The Tennessean

The auction price for Natalie Dylan's cherry is up to $3.7m, which is a lot more than the cost of grad school in Marriage and Family Therapy, which was what the San Diego woman originally wanted the money for. Daily Telegraph (London)

F State headline: "[Port St. Lucie] Man Swings Genitals, Displays Gang Signs . . ." (but only because a young punk had taunted him for doing laundry, so what would ya expect?). South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Nikolai Grushevski applied to be a waiter at a Hooters franchise on Texas's Padre Island and, guess what, didn't get the job (and won't let this sleeping-antidiscrimination-law-dog lie). Federal Court Complaint [link from CourthouseNews.com and Overlawyered.com]

Good to see that life goes on (during war in Gaza) for Prof. David Eilam and colleagues at Tel Aviv University, who want you to know that a New York City (Manhattan) structured-grid layout of a city is better than a New Orleans-style unstructured layout and that the way they found that out was by observing how easily rats traveled in the respective layouts. The Register (London)

Recurring Theme (still works in the Internet age, though not as well as it used to): If you buy up all the local newspapers early in the morning, it's harder for your neighbors to learn you've been arrested for possessing child porn. BBC News

Comments on Things to Worry About?
Comments 'worry_090114'

Your Daily Loser
Joel Rubin, 42, might still be loose, using that stolen credit card, if only he hadn't also tried to save money on the $11 sale by flashing his store discount card (in his own name). [Ed.: Yes. The logic of that is that he wanted to save the guy he stole the card from a buck or two.] Hartford Courant
Comments 'joel_rubin'

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Ms. Kelly Hunt, 22, might have a drinking problem, but that's no reason to go around "terroriz[ing]" people in Sleaford, England, by "pleasuring herself in public" and other acts. Lincolnshire Echo
Comments 'kelly_hunt'

Your Daily Jury Duty
["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
Shirley Tyndall was arrested for DUI in North Carolina, and it's important that we determine her guilt/innocence because her job, at the local jailhouse, is at stake. WRAL-TV (Raleigh)
Comments 'shirley_tyndall'

Editor's Note
[continued from the top story in this post] Actually, the judge thought the victim's eyewitness ID of the suspect was, er, suspect and that the credibility and likableness of the victim would have given the ID more legitimacy than it logically deserved. In reality, therefore, the judge was concluding that, to him, as a matter of law, the ID didn't show guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. But if you're a Fleet Street news editor, that explanation is more boring than "Victim 'too believable' so perp goes free."

Today's Newsrangers: Paul Music, Emmitt Dove, Albert Clawson, Ken Vermette, Michael Ravnitzky, Scott Langill, Steve Miller, Pete Randall, Mindy Cohen

Posted By: Chuck - Wed Jan 14, 2009 - Comments (0)
Category:

Presidential Portraits From Human Hair

In 1921 the Dutch barber E. Goormachtig made a portrait of President Warren Harding out of human hair, "using the natural shades of gray, white, black, and light blond." (Popular Mechanics, May 1921)

The artist Jin. Y.H. created a micro-painting of 42 American president's portraits on a half-inch strand of black human hair.

John Hart, assistant professor of Mechanical Engineering, created 3-D portraits of Barack Obama out of a carbon nanotube 1/50,000th the width of a human hair. He calls them nanobamas. (Okay, this last one isn't actually made out of human hair, but it's close.)

Posted By: Alex - Wed Jan 14, 2009 - Comments (3)
Category:

The Rants of Francis E. Dec

If you're not familiar with the work of Francis E. Dec, then you're missing out on one of the all-time masters of the paranoid-schizophrenic-conspiracy-rant genre.

Relatively few details are known of Dec's life, except that he was a lawyer, was disbarred in 1959, and then basically spent the remainder of his life sitting alone in his house in Hempstead, New York penning bizarre rants that he mailed off to the media, government officials, and random people. Recurring themes in his rants include "Frankenstein Radio Controls," "Computer God Parroting Puppet Gangster Slaves," and "Worldwide Mad Deadly Gangster Computer God". In Kooks: A Guide to the Outer Limits of Human Belief Donna Kossy writes:

In most cases, those who received [the rants] were the least able to appreciate them. For example, in the mid-80s, an employee of a folding wall company in Indiana... was the unhappy recipient of a flyer from Francis E. Dec, Esquire. Dec sent back one of the company's business reply mail cards with the flyer "Master Race Frankenstein Radio Controls" stapled to the card.

The cult-like following that now surrounds Dec's work was largely a consequence of audio versions of the rants created in the 80s and broadcast on the radio by Boyd "Doc on the ROQ" Britton. Dec himself was competely unaware of these audio recordings. He was also unaware of the interest in himself.

All his known rants have been archived (and illustrated) at the Official Francis E. Dec Fan Club. It's the audio versions that provide the best intro to his work. Warning: it's racist, anti-semitic, NSFW stuff. But it's also like a strange kind of poetry.

Two of the best rants: GANGSTER COMPUTER GOD WORLD-WIDE SECRET CONTAINMENT POLICY!! and To All Judges.

Posted By: Alex - Wed Jan 14, 2009 - Comments (2)
Category: Eccentrics

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Who We Are
Alex Boese
Alex is the creator and curator of the Museum of Hoaxes. He's also the author of various weird, non-fiction books such as Elephants on Acid.

Paul Di Filippo
Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1.

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Chuck is the purveyor of News of the Weird, the syndicated column which for decades has set the gold-standard for reporting on oddities and the bizarre.

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