Weird Universe Archive

April 2015

April 13, 2015

Lucky # 13

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Lacey Wildd intends to undergo a 13th cosmetic surgery to increase her breasts to a QQQ cup.

Posted By: patty - Mon Apr 13, 2015 - Comments (6)
Category: Annoying Things, Beauty, Ugliness and Other Aesthetic Issues, Body Modifications, Genitals

Oh Momma

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A 65 year old woman who has 13 children is now pregnant with quadruplets. At least she gets a lot of Mothers Day presents.

Posted By: BrokeDad - Mon Apr 13, 2015 - Comments (4)
Category: Babies, Children

Deformed nipples as grounds for divorce

An Australian man has explained that when he discovered his wife had "deformed" nipples — which he only discovered two years after they got married in 1972 because it took that long before he saw her undressed — that was when he knew he wanted out of the marriage, but he stayed with her out of a sense of duty, and they proceeded to have 3 children together before finally separating in 2011. But for the sake of deciding how to divide up joint assets, he feels the marriage should be considered to have ended in 1974, at the moment of the nipple disfigurement discovery. The judge, however, didn't buy the argument. [stuff.co.nz]

Posted By: Alex - Mon Apr 13, 2015 - Comments (6)
Category: Husbands, Wives, Divorce, Marriage

Follies of the Madmen #246

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From Playboy for June 1973.

Posted By: Paul - Mon Apr 13, 2015 - Comments (4)
Category: Anthropomorphism, Business, Advertising, Products, Stereotypes and Cliches, 1970s, Women, Cars

News of the Weird (April 12, 2015)

News of the Weird
Weirdnuz.M418, April 12, 2015
Copyright 2015 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Lead Story

The Importance of Family: On February 9th a single traffic stop in Alderson, W.Va., resulted in the arrest of six people, from the same family, trafficking in stolen power tools (including one man who traded a leaf blower and hedge trimmer for Percocet pills). However, a month later, members of an even more charming family were caught in raids in Elyria, Ohio. Officers from three jurisdictions arrested 34 people--all related to each other--in connection with a $400,000 drug operation. [Register-Herald (Beckley, W.Va.), 2-12-2015] [WEWS-TV (Cleveland), 3-18-2015]

Government in Action

The pre-dawn line in March actually started forming at midnight, snaking around the building in Maitland, Fla., but it wasn’t for concert tickets. The dozens of people needed coveted visitor passes just to speak to an IRS agent--because budget cuts and personnel reductions have limited services. “I just came here to verify my identity,” said one frustrated taxpayer, who arrived at 8 a.m. and would not be served that day. The agency said its budget had been cut by $1 billion since the Congressional “sequestration” in 2011. [News 13 (Orlando), 3-16-2015]

Nope, They Haven’t Grown Back Yet: Canada’s Department of Veterans Affairs requires any vet receiving disability benefits to have a doctor re-certify the condition annually--including people like Afghan war double-leg amputee Paul Franklin. He complained to Canadian Broadcasting Corp. News in March that he had been harshly threatened with loss of benefits if he failed to file (even though the Department told CBC News that it might perhaps relax the certification requirement to “every third year”). [CBC News, 3-27-2015]

Wait, What?

Several theaters in Denmark reported in March that they had begun adding subtitles--to Danish-language films, because so many customers complained that that the dialogue was incomprehensible. Apparently, it is widely known that spoken Danish is harder to understand than the written, but Copenhagen’s website The Local reported that actors had rebelled at improving their diction, claiming that their “mumbling” adds “realis[m]” to the films. [The Local, 3-6-2015]

Attention to Detail: Major league pitcher Max Scherzer, new this season to the Washington Nationals, informed manager Matt Williams in March, according to a New York Times report, that he requires assistance when he warms up during daily practice sessions. He spoke of the importance of simulating actual game conditions, and since Scherzer is a starting pitcher, he needed someone to stand beside him and hum “The Star-Spangled Banner” before he begins his practice pitching. [New York Times, 3-2-2015]

Perspective

Lawyers Brendan and Nessa Coppinger live in a Washington, D.C., row house next door to a tobacco user, whose smoke seeps into their unit, and (especially since Nessa is pregnant) the Coppingers have filed a $500,000 lawsuit against the neighbor. However, the anti-corruption website Republic Report found that one of Nessa Coppinger’s clients is Suncoke Energy, which is being sued by four Ohio residents who allege that Suncoke does to them what Coppinger’s neighbor does to her and her fetus. (Suncoke’s “clouds of haze,” containing particulates of lead, mercury, arsenic, chromium, creosote, coal tar pitch, and other alarming substances allegedly threaten the neighbors’ health and property values.) [Salon.com, 3-24-2015]

The Continuing Crisis

Superman: While thousands of Japanese women accept commercial pornographic movie roles, only a dwindling number of males (by one estimate, only 30 industrywide) are available to pair with them (“stallions on call,” according to one producer). That makes the undisputed king of Japanese porn “Shimiken,” 35, in such demand that he works as many as six movies a day with few days off. His oeuvre, according to an double-entendre-laden March profile in Details magazine, includes 7,000 films, with at least 7,500 “co-stars,” including, once, 72-year-old twins. To maintain his vigor, he hits the gym fanatically and downs mineral supplements and complex amino acids--but no Viagra. “I haven’t had to use it,” he said (adding, after a pause, “yet”). [Details, March 2015]

Among Colorado’s legal contortions to improve mass murderer James Holmes’s chances of getting a “fair” trial, officials in January called more than 9,000 people to choose its jury of 12 (plus 12 alternates) who will somehow surmise whether the Aurora theater shooter was legally sane at the time he killed 12 and wounded 70. The 9,000 first had to complete lengthy questionnaires, with “thousands” returning for individual interrogation, and many for follow-up screening. (Among the prospects the judge encountered was one man skeptical of the death penalty--except in the case of a “zombie apocalypse.” Said Judge Carlos Samour Jr., “You meet some interesting people in this job.”) [Associated Press, 3-9-2015]

Unclear on the Concept

Some states that rushed to enact systems to evaluate schoolteachers by the test scores of their students left the “details” of such regimens for later, resulting, for example, in absurdities like the Washington, D.C., public school custodians and lunchroom workers who were a few years ago being job-evaluated, in part, by student test scores in English and math. In March, a New York public school art teacher, writing in the Washington Post, complained that his coveted “effective” rating one year had dropped to “developing” simply because his school’s student “math” score had fallen. Furthermore, since he is now “developing,” he must file plans for improving his performance (i.e., how, from art class, he can raise “math” scores among students he does not teach). [Washington Post, 3-25-2015]

Quintessential Australia

(1) In March, the Simoneau family in a town near Australia’s Sunshine Coast at first considered the three-foot-long slitherer to be one of the country’s ubiquitous snakes, but the home invader was moving very slowly and, it turned out, was merely from one of those hair-raising Australian species--gigantic earthworms. (2) Dogs and cats, as well as wild animals searching for food sometimes show up with their heads caught in fences, buckets, or food containers (and, to avoid starvation, need to be freed by helpful humans). In a suburb of Adelaide, in March, a deadly Eastern brown snake turned up needing similar aid, but it being Australia, its head was stuck in a beer can. [Sunshine Coast Daily, 3-5-2015] [ninemsn.com.au (Sydney), 3-15-2015]

Marketing Challenges

(1) Burger King Japan commenced an April rollout--limited in duration and only in Japan--of Burger King-branded cologne (mimicking the Whopper’s savory “flame-grill[ing].” Early reviews were favorable (even though the launch date, suspiciously, was April 1st). (2) A small Virginia defense contractor won a $7 million job recently to help Pentagon analysts sift through supercomputer research, and according to the industry watchdog Defense One, the firm has decided to stick with its long-ago-selected original name. Even though events have overtaken that name, the company will still be known as Isis Defense. [The Verge, 4-1-2015] [DefenseOne.com, 3-9-2015]

Least Competent Criminals

Didn’t Go As Planned: (1) Surveillance cameras revealed a man with a gun inside the Circle K in Palm Bay, Fla., on January 31st. Since the clerk was in the back, with the cash register locked, the man decided to wait for him--for 17 seconds, according to the video--but then, impatient, fled empty-handed. (2) According to the February police report, Matthew Semione, 26, handed a holdup note (implying that he was armed) to an Ormond Beach, Fla., Sun Trust bank teller, who walked away to get money. Semione grew weary of waiting and left empty-handed, but was arrested minutes later. [Florida Today, 2-1-2015] [Daytona Beach News-Journal, 2-19-2015]

A News of the Weird Classic (September 2010)

To most, the toilet is merely functional, but to brilliant thinkers, it can be the birthplace of masterpieces. Thus, the price tags were high this summer [2010] when commodes belonging to two creative giants went on sale. In August, a gaudily designed toilet from John Lennon's 1969-71 residence in Berkshire, England, fetched 9,500 pounds (about $14,740) at a Liverpool auction, and a North Carolina collectibles dealer opened bids on the toilet upon which reclusive author J.D. Salinger spent many hours while at his home in Cornish, N.H. The dealer's initial price was $1 million because, "Who knows how many of Salinger's stories were thought up and written while [he] sat on this throne!" [Reuters, 8-28-2010] [BBC News, 8-20-2010]

Thanks This Week to Ken Lilly and Gerald Davidson, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

Posted By: Chuck - Mon Apr 13, 2015 - Comments (2)
Category:

April 12, 2015

Women’s Arm Wrestling

MMMrrrrraaaaagggghhhh!

Posted By: Alex - Sun Apr 12, 2015 - Comments (5)
Category: Sports, Video

John Deere Manure Spreader



Eeyeuw! Thank god I am not a farmer, driving one of those manure plows. On the other hand, that manure spreader is pretty awesome. More of a "manure blaster" really. I envision "borrowing" one fully loaded with the most liquid poop and driving it down Main Street to wreak smelly, smelly vengeance.

By the way: if you want to see two hundred manure spreader videos, here is a YouTube playlist.

Posted By: Paul - Sun Apr 12, 2015 - Comments (6)
Category: Agriculture, Animals, Technology, Excrement

April 11, 2015

Tool or Weapon

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And we made fun of the TSA for confiscating nail clippers as weapons, look what they can accomplish in the right hands.

Posted By: patty - Sat Apr 11, 2015 - Comments (2)
Category: Little People, Success & Failure, Tools, Torture, Weapons

Vincent Price as a polar bear

1985 ad for Sun Country Wine Coolers. But why is Vincent Price dressed as a polar bear?

Posted By: Alex - Sat Apr 11, 2015 - Comments (9)
Category:

Susanne Wenger, White Yoruban Priestess

Interview with Susanne Wenger from Jeremy Weate on Vimeo.



You know all those campy old films where explorers find a leopardskin-clad white woman ruling an African tribe? Well, while not quite the same, here's the story of Susanne Wenger, who gave up European life for Yoruban culture.

And given that Wenger was once quite a looker, maybe the Hollywood version is not so far off.

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Posted By: Paul - Sat Apr 11, 2015 - Comments (5)
Category: Art, Religion, 1960s, Africa, Europe

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Who We Are
Alex Boese
Alex is the creator and curator of the Museum of Hoaxes. He's also the author of various weird, non-fiction books such as Elephants on Acid.

Paul Di Filippo
Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1.

Chuck Shepherd
Chuck is the purveyor of News of the Weird, the syndicated column which for decades has set the gold-standard for reporting on oddities and the bizarre.

Our banner was drawn by the legendary underground cartoonist Rick Altergott.

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