Al Capone, a Church Elder with a Speculum
and the Morning Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Wednesday, December 17, 2008 [and it's that time of the week when your news editor gets too busy for an afternoon post!]
It was just "their time": undignified deaths
(1) A 65-yr-old woman drove up to an ATM in Port Angeles, Wash., Saturday, opened the door a bit to pick up something that had fallen to the ground, had the car inch forward on her, and the door fatally squeezed her head when it contacted a protective post. (2) A 60-yr-old man, tossed in the air by joyous celebrants at his retirement party in Japan, was apparently abandoned in mid-air, hit the floor, and later died in the hospital. (3) A 43-yr-old man in Benton City, Wash., apparently set fire to a motor home to hide evidence that he had burglarized it but then failed to outrun the flames. Associated Press via Seattle Times /// Mainichi Daily News /// Associated Press via Seattle Post-Intelligencer
Comments 'undignified_081217'
Your Daily Loser
If you decide to stiff a cab driver for the fare, better be able to run faster than the taxi (unlike this 22-yr-old guy). Star News (Wilmington, N.C.)
Comments 'outrun_cabbie'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
A House of Yahweh elder, Yedidiyah Hawkins, 41, was sentenced to 30 yrs by an Abilene, Tex., judge for his freelance gynecological exam of an 11-yr-old girl, even though he used a real speculum to check for "cervical cancer." (Bonus: He already has four wives.) Associated Press via Houston Chronicle
Comments 'yedidiyah_hawkins'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
F State drifter Roderick Woodruff, 43, might possibly have been exposing himself on a not-clothing-optional beach. WWSB-TV (Sarasota)
Comments 'roderick_woodruff'
More Things to Worry About on Wednesday
Puzzle solved: Why would an employer hire back a guy convicted two yrs ago of stealing $2m from him? (Answer: It's a car dealership, and car dealerships need business types like him, with his, er, skills-set.) Skagit Valley Herald (Mount Vernon, Wash.)
A United Airlines bartend—er, flight attendant—allegedly overserved booze to a passenger, and the man's wife is suing because he then got drunk and roughed her up. Chicago Tribune
Andres Cantu, 55, was arrested in Pharr, Tex., for allegedly molesting two young relatives (which came to light when one, a 9-yr-old girl, responding to a class assignment, wrote that her "wish list" for Santa was that the guy stop fondling 'em). The Monitor (McAllen, Tex.)
Pauline McCook of Isle of Sheppey, England, reported that someone stole her life-size statue of Al Capone. (Buried lede: WTF is a woman in England doing with a life-size statue of Al Capone in her yard?) BBC News
Good for them: The gov't of China, rushing to shore up its manufacturing standards, announced it was banning, effective immediately, lye and boric acid as food additives. Associated Press via Rocky Mount (N.C.) Telegram
A $2 million downtown improvement project in Winters, Calif., has drawn criticism because its pedestrian traffic barriers look way too phallic. KOVR-TV (Sacramento)
Comments on More Things to Worry About on Wednesday?
Comments 'worry_081217'
Eyewitness News
[news videos goin' around]
This little 4-yr-old is making all the TV and Internet news for wandering around Beaumont, Tex., at 4 in the morning, and happening to find the one store in the neighborhood (a Family Dollar) where the manager forgot to lock up that night. KFDM-TV (Beaumont)
Comments 'beaumont_4yrold'
Today's Newsrangers: Sam Gaines, Sandy Pearlman, Stephen Taylor, Nancy Hackett, Jeff Smith, Roger Meiners, Casey Burns
It was just "their time": undignified deaths
(1) A 65-yr-old woman drove up to an ATM in Port Angeles, Wash., Saturday, opened the door a bit to pick up something that had fallen to the ground, had the car inch forward on her, and the door fatally squeezed her head when it contacted a protective post. (2) A 60-yr-old man, tossed in the air by joyous celebrants at his retirement party in Japan, was apparently abandoned in mid-air, hit the floor, and later died in the hospital. (3) A 43-yr-old man in Benton City, Wash., apparently set fire to a motor home to hide evidence that he had burglarized it but then failed to outrun the flames. Associated Press via Seattle Times /// Mainichi Daily News /// Associated Press via Seattle Post-Intelligencer
Comments 'undignified_081217'
Your Daily Loser
If you decide to stiff a cab driver for the fare, better be able to run faster than the taxi (unlike this 22-yr-old guy). Star News (Wilmington, N.C.)
Comments 'outrun_cabbie'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
A House of Yahweh elder, Yedidiyah Hawkins, 41, was sentenced to 30 yrs by an Abilene, Tex., judge for his freelance gynecological exam of an 11-yr-old girl, even though he used a real speculum to check for "cervical cancer." (Bonus: He already has four wives.) Associated Press via Houston Chronicle
Comments 'yedidiyah_hawkins'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
F State drifter Roderick Woodruff, 43, might possibly have been exposing himself on a not-clothing-optional beach. WWSB-TV (Sarasota)
Comments 'roderick_woodruff'
More Things to Worry About on Wednesday
Puzzle solved: Why would an employer hire back a guy convicted two yrs ago of stealing $2m from him? (Answer: It's a car dealership, and car dealerships need business types like him, with his, er, skills-set.) Skagit Valley Herald (Mount Vernon, Wash.)
A United Airlines bartend—er, flight attendant—allegedly overserved booze to a passenger, and the man's wife is suing because he then got drunk and roughed her up. Chicago Tribune
Andres Cantu, 55, was arrested in Pharr, Tex., for allegedly molesting two young relatives (which came to light when one, a 9-yr-old girl, responding to a class assignment, wrote that her "wish list" for Santa was that the guy stop fondling 'em). The Monitor (McAllen, Tex.)
Pauline McCook of Isle of Sheppey, England, reported that someone stole her life-size statue of Al Capone. (Buried lede: WTF is a woman in England doing with a life-size statue of Al Capone in her yard?) BBC News
Good for them: The gov't of China, rushing to shore up its manufacturing standards, announced it was banning, effective immediately, lye and boric acid as food additives. Associated Press via Rocky Mount (N.C.) Telegram
A $2 million downtown improvement project in Winters, Calif., has drawn criticism because its pedestrian traffic barriers look way too phallic. KOVR-TV (Sacramento)
Comments on More Things to Worry About on Wednesday?
Comments 'worry_081217'
Eyewitness News
[news videos goin' around]
This little 4-yr-old is making all the TV and Internet news for wandering around Beaumont, Tex., at 4 in the morning, and happening to find the one store in the neighborhood (a Family Dollar) where the manager forgot to lock up that night. KFDM-TV (Beaumont)
Comments 'beaumont_4yrold'
Today's Newsrangers: Sam Gaines, Sandy Pearlman, Stephen Taylor, Nancy Hackett, Jeff Smith, Roger Meiners, Casey Burns
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