Dissing the City Council, Hiding the Cellphone, Fondling the Atheist

and the Morning Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Monday

Small-town mayors continue to charm
(1) The mayor of St. Anthony, Idaho, resigned last week at a city council meeting, going out with flair by informing the council members at a meeting they were too stupid for him to be working with. [Ed.: Gratuitous, face-saving suggestion for George W. Bush: You may have the lowest Presidential approval rating in history, but your approval rating is still twice as high as Congress's. Go out with a little panache: Tell Reid and Pelosi, "Bite me!"] (2) The mayor of Chauncey, Ohio, sued her own town after she fell down on city property and hurt herself, and the lawsuit came along just after a meeting where she got all potty-mouthed with the city council. Standard Journal (Rexburg, Idaho) /// Columbus Dispatch
Comments 'smalltown_mayors'

Can't Possibly Be True: "Symphonic Schizophrenia"
A San Antonio, Tex., high school's competitive marching band actually did several performances of a halftime show that included skits with "padded walls" and where "band members dressed in strait jackets [ran] around the field in an erratic manner." Finally got around to asking themselves what the hell were we thinking. KSAT-TV
Comments 'symphonic_schizophrenia'

Also Can't Possibly Be True: We're certain you're the baby's daddy, so pay up, and shut up about it
He naively signed something in 2001, and a judge says that was enough to admit paternity, but the guy says there's no way he's the daddy. However, the gov't makes him pay ($12k over 6 yrs) until a judge finally takes his side. The gov't swore early on that they had done a proper investigation and that the kid was his, yet a local newspaper reporter tracked down the real dad in less than an hour. Turns out the real father was the guy who . . was living with the child's mother. Patriot-News (Harrisburg, Pa.)
Comments 'not_daddy'

Well, maybe this Can't Possibly Be True, either
The Houston Chronicle's investigation found that of all criminals convicted in the Houston area who admit to being illegal immigrants, only a few are ever held for deportation because Immigration (ICE) can't handle them. That includes "scores" of violent felons and long-rap-sheet perps. Meanwhile, ICE deports twice as many noncriminal illegals every year as it does criminal illegals. (No, this whole thing can possibly be true, all right; while politicians hate illegal immigrants, they hate taxes even more, so even ICE doesn't get enough money to do the job right.) Houston Chronicle
Comments 'deport_criminals'

Another inmate with a cellphone in his nether region
[Ed.: This is the way back into the market for the recently-poor-performing Motorola: miniaturization. Running around with a cellphone up your butt is no way to go through life unless it's a really tiny cellphone. More crime, more inmates, more cellphones. Presto! Motorola (Stock symbol: MOT) is back in play!] Houston Chronicle
Comments 'another_buttphone'

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Y'know, there's still the possibility that this is a huge misunderstanding, but . . naaaah . . Yakov Kramer, 27, a respected Torah scholar, was arraigned last week for fondling the stuff of a patient-stranger in a New York City hospital. According to police, Kramer had first asked whether the man was Jewish. When he said he was atheist, that's when Kramer lifted the gown and felt him up. Kramer's lawyer said Kramer was visiting his pregnant wife at the hospital but heard the stranger's cries of pain and just wanted to find out where the pain was coming from. New York Daily News
Comments 'yakov_kramer'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Gabriel Saucedo might possibly have been the one who tried to rob a guy but then ran into a bit of trouble with the victim's fists. KPHO-TV via KTAR Radio (Phoenix)
Comments 'gabriel_saucedo'

More Things to Worry About on Monday

An Idaho family filed a $2M lawsuit against the sheriff (aka "jack-booted thug") for warrantlessly breaking into their home to rescue animals in alleged squalor (but keywords include: "double-wide," "two deer living inside"). Spokesman-Review (Spokane)

Policework continues to get easier: Among the items seized in the arrest of a 62-yr-old New York drug dealer was a homemade "biopic" on DVD, basically a documentary celebrating the guy's lifetime achievements in drug dealing. Times Herald-Record (Middletown, N.Y.)

A German prisoner escaped by having himself mailed out in a box supposedly containing stationery from the prison workshop (with the box being reported inadequately as 60 inches by 48 inches but no third measurement). BBC News

It's always something . . but they say if we take this "renewable energy" thing too far, doctors might see an influx of cases of "Wind Turbine Syndrome" (like, vertigo, motion sickness, etc.). KATU-TV (Portland, Ore.)

Legislation in the UK Parliament would require schools to "invite and consider" suggestions from students on serious administrative issues ("not simply on what colour to paint the walls"), which doesn't sound really awful until one considers that legal requirements, if thought by parents to be inadequately met, often deteriorate into . . lawsuits! Daily Mail

Those protests last year in Myanmar against the generals? That'll cost the demonstrators 65 yrs or so in the slammer. (Bonus: It's too much trouble to convict them of treason, etc., so they convicted them of using the Internet and cell phones without gov't permission. 65 yrs for that.) New York Times

Comments on More Things to Worry About on Monday?
Comments 'worry_081117'