News of the Weird 2.0 (June 14, 2012)
News of the Weird 2.0
Two or Three Times a Week, Since May 21, 2012
Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
June 14, 2012
(datelines from June 8 or later) (links correct as of June 14)
★ ★ ★ ★!
Robyn Sutherland, 27, of Enderby, England, is another one of those "Toddlers & Tiaras"-type moms . . . except . . . her little heavily-made-up Eleanor June has not yet celebrated Birthday Number 2. "She's such a girly girl," said Robyn. "She already wears nail varnish every day." Coming up: Miss Mini Princess UK. Mom's bought her 20 dresses and 15 pairs of shoes. Dad Andrew appears grossed out but, ultimately, whipped. World's Greatest Newspaper
People Different From Us
U.S. Court of Appeals: No, Mr. Courtney Royal (serving life in prison in Texas), you cannot have "religious" vampire ceremonies in lockup, no matter how much you allude to "West African spiritualism" and "18th Century Catholicism." Even if you're the Honorable Vampsh Black Sheep League of Doom Gardamun Family Circle Master Vampire High Priest. WOAI Radio (San Antonio)
Huffington Post's full-time weirdo chronicler David Moye has now found the 10 people with the most unusual talents, y'know, like squirting milk out the eye. Huffington Post
"U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"
[No idea. Take a guess.] How many of the planet's 6.8 billion people do not live as well as Upper East Side Manhattan (New York City)'s dogs? BBC News
Funny Old World*
Why?: (a) Why did magistrates site-visit, in the rain, a beach to help them decide, nine months later, whether Bob Hewling violated poop-scooping law? No clue. (2) OK, always better for muggers to work in pairs to steal a purse, but why did they decide it would be better strategy for the second guy to come out of the car's trunk instead of, y'know, the passenger seat? No clue. Evening Gazette (Middlesbrough, England) /// Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Kalamazoo, Mich.: Careful . . . when you have a civic contest for the best Caribbean dishes, including jerk chicken. Careful . . . or people will start referring to the competition as a Jerk-Off. Kalamazoo Gazette
Atlanta: The upper-crust play their 18 holes at the tony Piedmont Driving Club, but there was an incident, wrote an attorney-member, with "an array of alleged acts that included public urination, nude golfing, and a trick involving a naked posterior and a poor golf ball that didn't deserve its fate. It's a safe bet the correspondence was the first the club ever received that contained the words 'butt cheeks.'" Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Life on the Left Tail (of the Bell Curve)
Gatineau, Quebec: Two masked men tried to knock off a convenience store. The owner spritzed one with bear spray, sending him fleeing, and pulled the other one over a counter and spanked him. Spanked. [There's video.]
[Toronto Sun link broken; story at KBMT-TV (Beaumont, Tex.); video at YouTube]
The Way the World Works
Austin, Tex.: One state agency tried to rehab a sincere sex-offender trying to get a fresh start; the agency paid big bucks to train him as a barber and get certification. In short order, another state agency--the one that regulates barbers--made sure the state wasted the big bucks by denying the man a state license. Austin American-Statesman
Maynard, Mass.: Municipal officials finally discovered that Timothy McDaid has been embezzling from them for three years . . . mostly in order to pay off the restitution he owed after being convicted of embezzling money at a previous job at an autism charity. WFXT-TV (Boston)
Editor's Notes
Takeaways (News of the Weird 3.0): (1) How weird is it that Jerry Sandusky can joke with friends in between witnesses' descriptions of horrific childhood memories? (2) How weird is it that America is a country ruled by the rich, for the rich, even though the non-rich (10-plus times the number of rich) retain the right to vote? [Must be that there are powerful--and successful!--distractions being concocted because some of the non-rich actually get indignant and vitriolic when they're asked this question.] Yahoo Sports (Monday) /// Yahoo Sports (Tuesday)
Thanks to Bob Stewart and Sandy Pearlman, and to the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors. (* stolen from Private Eye)
Two or Three Times a Week, Since May 21, 2012
Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
June 14, 2012
(datelines from June 8 or later) (links correct as of June 14)
★ ★ ★ ★!
Robyn Sutherland, 27, of Enderby, England, is another one of those "Toddlers & Tiaras"-type moms . . . except . . . her little heavily-made-up Eleanor June has not yet celebrated Birthday Number 2. "She's such a girly girl," said Robyn. "She already wears nail varnish every day." Coming up: Miss Mini Princess UK. Mom's bought her 20 dresses and 15 pairs of shoes. Dad Andrew appears grossed out but, ultimately, whipped. World's Greatest Newspaper
People Different From Us
U.S. Court of Appeals: No, Mr. Courtney Royal (serving life in prison in Texas), you cannot have "religious" vampire ceremonies in lockup, no matter how much you allude to "West African spiritualism" and "18th Century Catholicism." Even if you're the Honorable Vampsh Black Sheep League of Doom Gardamun Family Circle Master Vampire High Priest. WOAI Radio (San Antonio)
Huffington Post's full-time weirdo chronicler David Moye has now found the 10 people with the most unusual talents, y'know, like squirting milk out the eye. Huffington Post
"U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"
[No idea. Take a guess.] How many of the planet's 6.8 billion people do not live as well as Upper East Side Manhattan (New York City)'s dogs? BBC News
Funny Old World*
Why?: (a) Why did magistrates site-visit, in the rain, a beach to help them decide, nine months later, whether Bob Hewling violated poop-scooping law? No clue. (2) OK, always better for muggers to work in pairs to steal a purse, but why did they decide it would be better strategy for the second guy to come out of the car's trunk instead of, y'know, the passenger seat? No clue. Evening Gazette (Middlesbrough, England) /// Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Kalamazoo, Mich.: Careful . . . when you have a civic contest for the best Caribbean dishes, including jerk chicken. Careful . . . or people will start referring to the competition as a Jerk-Off. Kalamazoo Gazette
Atlanta: The upper-crust play their 18 holes at the tony Piedmont Driving Club, but there was an incident, wrote an attorney-member, with "an array of alleged acts that included public urination, nude golfing, and a trick involving a naked posterior and a poor golf ball that didn't deserve its fate. It's a safe bet the correspondence was the first the club ever received that contained the words 'butt cheeks.'" Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Life on the Left Tail (of the Bell Curve)
Gatineau, Quebec: Two masked men tried to knock off a convenience store. The owner spritzed one with bear spray, sending him fleeing, and pulled the other one over a counter and spanked him. Spanked. [There's video.]
[Toronto Sun link broken; story at KBMT-TV (Beaumont, Tex.); video at YouTube]
The Way the World Works
Austin, Tex.: One state agency tried to rehab a sincere sex-offender trying to get a fresh start; the agency paid big bucks to train him as a barber and get certification. In short order, another state agency--the one that regulates barbers--made sure the state wasted the big bucks by denying the man a state license. Austin American-Statesman
Maynard, Mass.: Municipal officials finally discovered that Timothy McDaid has been embezzling from them for three years . . . mostly in order to pay off the restitution he owed after being convicted of embezzling money at a previous job at an autism charity. WFXT-TV (Boston)
Editor's Notes
Takeaways (News of the Weird 3.0): (1) How weird is it that Jerry Sandusky can joke with friends in between witnesses' descriptions of horrific childhood memories? (2) How weird is it that America is a country ruled by the rich, for the rich, even though the non-rich (10-plus times the number of rich) retain the right to vote? [Must be that there are powerful--and successful!--distractions being concocted because some of the non-rich actually get indignant and vitriolic when they're asked this question.] Yahoo Sports (Monday) /// Yahoo Sports (Tuesday)
Thanks to Bob Stewart and Sandy Pearlman, and to the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors. (* stolen from Private Eye)
Comments
Piedmont Driving Club: Yes, it's the proof that you are part of the crème de la crème of society in Atlanta. No, I'm not a member (don't even know any, that I'm aware of), and have absolutely no intention of becoming one. Frat-house grade idiocies where AWI among the movers and shakers? Doesn't surprise me one little bit.
The Piedmont Driving Club, BTW, is the basis of the "Beaumont Driving Club" referenced in Sugarbaker's.
The Piedmont Driving Club, BTW, is the basis of the "Beaumont Driving Club" referenced in Sugarbaker's.
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 06/14/12 at 06:05 PM
Caddy Shack 2012?
Posted by BMN on 06/14/12 at 06:49 PM
Piedmont Driving Club: Yep that's how the rich are. You'll find a lot more sex offenders in a gated community than in a trailer park. I know, I checked my home town's felon tracking. Oddly enough the several trailer parks were all clean. You don't want to know about the rich neighborhoods though. My daughter will NEVER be allowed to be in that part of town at night.
Posted by Baughbe on 06/14/12 at 07:44 PM
Baby- The mother has a serious problem. All these idiot women are doing is supplying pictures for pedophiles to stroke off to. Someone should shake every one of them till they wake the hell up!
prisoner rights- About time someone shows some sense about that kind of craziness!
Doggies of Leisure- Those animals live better than half the US population, don't even think about third world people.
poop- These morons fighting about dog poop are ridiculous.
trunk- POP GOES THE ROBBER!
Robbers- Sprayed and spanked, well done clerk, well done!
Barber- The way government rolls, one hand has no idea what the other is doing.
embezzler- About half reformed there.
Jerry Sandusky- That sick f^*k I'd expect it from, although you'd think he would not be obvious about it now, but his friends? WTH is wrong with them, maybe they need some looking at to see what they are up to.
vote- Only the rich run. The rest of us just try to pick the guy who will screw us the least.
prisoner rights- About time someone shows some sense about that kind of craziness!
Doggies of Leisure- Those animals live better than half the US population, don't even think about third world people.
poop- These morons fighting about dog poop are ridiculous.
trunk- POP GOES THE ROBBER!
Robbers- Sprayed and spanked, well done clerk, well done!
Barber- The way government rolls, one hand has no idea what the other is doing.
embezzler- About half reformed there.
Jerry Sandusky- That sick f^*k I'd expect it from, although you'd think he would not be obvious about it now, but his friends? WTH is wrong with them, maybe they need some looking at to see what they are up to.
vote- Only the rich run. The rest of us just try to pick the guy who will screw us the least.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 06/14/12 at 09:18 PM
Eleanor June Fortunately UK's laws governing make up will keep EJ's skin safe regardless of how much she uses. Right?
Courtney Royal Too much time on his hands, for sure. But who's the idiot judge that even allowed this crap to clog the legal system?
Rich Dogs The number you're looking for, Chuck is 6,799,999,331.
Golfing In all my years as a caddie I never :roll: saw anything like this!
Courtney Royal Too much time on his hands, for sure. But who's the idiot judge that even allowed this crap to clog the legal system?
Rich Dogs The number you're looking for, Chuck is 6,799,999,331.
Golfing In all my years as a caddie I never :roll: saw anything like this!
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 06/14/12 at 11:49 PM
Maynard, Mass Ha! I lived there for about 8 years, before moving to Switzerland, but I never knew this guy,
Posted by Billy on 06/15/12 at 08:27 AM
We had a kindergarten student at my school years ago who would made blood come out of his eye's tear duct. Scared the heck out of us the first time we saw it. Naturally, we called his mother to report this and she said, "Oh, he does that when he gets angry." Thanks for sharing that with us ahead of time, lady! He had a variety of "issues" and when he didn't want to follow a direction, he'd pick his nose and make it bleed (he had a permanent sore spot that was ready to go with a flick of the fingernail), then force the blood up out his tear duct. He quit doing it quite quickly once he realized that it got no response at school, other than being moved away from everyone else so as not to get blood on anybody, and that he'd still have to do whatever it was that he was asked to do in the first place. (Bonus --- On a pre-scheduled home visit, "Dad" came to the door naked, knowing full well that it would be the kid's two female teachers waiting there. We were unimpressed, as was Mom.)
Posted by ScoutC on 06/15/12 at 10:09 AM
@Scout: Visions of apple trees and falling apples flow through my thoughts.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 06/15/12 at 10:34 AM
Its times like that when you need a taser or pepper spray. As in- "He scared us and I just reacted officer." Nobody would blame you and maybe dad would learn a valuable lesson! :lol:
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 06/15/12 at 11:06 AM
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