News of the Weird 2.0 (June 17, 2012)
News of the Weird 2.0
(Almost) Daily, Since May 21, 2012
Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
June 17, 2012
(datelines from June 7 or later) (links correct as of June 17)
★ ★ ★ ★!
Father's Day Special: Here [Weird Universe, 5-22-2012, 6-4-2012], and in next week's News of the Weird, Yr Editor dutifully reported on the flowered fatherhood of Desmond Hatchett (24 kids, by 11 different women, in the corrected total reported by the Knoxville News-Sentinel). Turns out he's only neck-and-neck with fellow Tennesseeans Terry Turnage (23 with 17) and Richard Colbert (25 with 18). Turnage's rare child-support checks are for amounts like $6 and $9. One of Turnage's baby-mamas said her "knees buckled" in court when she was told that Turnage had not the four more kids he had told her about, but 20 more. What's wrong with thesemen women? World's Greatest Newspaper
Links
Lansing, Mich.: "[What Rep. Lisa Brown said] was so offensive, I don't even want to say it in front of women," said a male state legislator supporting the newly-passed lockdown on Brown's floor-debating rights. Brown's transgressive word: "vagina." NPR
Dos de Mayo, Brazil: Four times a year, Adriana Villareal moves into her late husband's tomb for a few days, makes herself at home, cooks her meals, surfs the Web, etc. Agence France-Presse via Yahoo News
Cincinnati, Ohio: Charles Marshall, 28, was busted for the fourth time for having relations with a teddy bear in public. The Smoking Gun
Port St. Lucie, Fla.: It sounds like a joke, but Barbara Hall was arrested for smacking around her boyfriend after he brought olive oil to their coital bed (at her request). However, he had also brought PAM spray oil, provoking a question from Barbara and an unsolicited admission by the dude that, yes, in fact, he had had sex with a mutual friend named Pam. TCPalm.com (Stuart, Fla.)
Moscow: Too clever by half were the gay activists who asked for gay-pride festival permits for 2012, and, to embarrass the government, for each year for the next 100 years. The government (OK'd by a court in this story) then officially banned gay pride festivals 'til 2112. TV-Novasti (Moscow)
Salem, Ore.: She successfully scammed state tax officials out of $2.1m in "refunds," given to her on a debit card, but then blew her cover by requesting a replacement card on another account, causing officials to investigate. KATU-TV (Portland)
Again: Righteous Buddhists commandeered captive animals, took them to the great outdoors, and released them--a ritual that supposedly rebalances the Buddhists' karma. This time, it was 200-300 snakes in Hubei, China, and nearby villagers got all un-Buddhisty in their reactions. Daily Telegraph (London)
Again, and wrong for all kinds of reasons: Another gal, Miamian Paula Simonds, 44, aka model Lacey Wildd, is grossing out her six kids (two grown, two in high school) by her pursuit of top-five-in-the-world status in artificial boobage (currently, describing herself as an L-cup, enroute to a triple-M). World's Greatest Newspaper
Again: The most litigious person on the planet, Jonathan Lee Riches [NOTW M183, 10-10-2010] was released from prison on April 30th and appears tohave repented his sins be ready to double-down on court clerks everywhere. For starters, he's suing the Kardashians for allowing him (in his delusions) to take the falls for a number of their supposed illegal schemes. AboveTheLaw.com
Thanks to the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors.
(Almost) Daily, Since May 21, 2012
Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
June 17, 2012
(datelines from June 7 or later) (links correct as of June 17)
★ ★ ★ ★!
Father's Day Special: Here [Weird Universe, 5-22-2012, 6-4-2012], and in next week's News of the Weird, Yr Editor dutifully reported on the flowered fatherhood of Desmond Hatchett (24 kids, by 11 different women, in the corrected total reported by the Knoxville News-Sentinel). Turns out he's only neck-and-neck with fellow Tennesseeans Terry Turnage (23 with 17) and Richard Colbert (25 with 18). Turnage's rare child-support checks are for amounts like $6 and $9. One of Turnage's baby-mamas said her "knees buckled" in court when she was told that Turnage had not the four more kids he had told her about, but 20 more. What's wrong with these
Links
Lansing, Mich.: "[What Rep. Lisa Brown said] was so offensive, I don't even want to say it in front of women," said a male state legislator supporting the newly-passed lockdown on Brown's floor-debating rights. Brown's transgressive word: "vagina." NPR
Dos de Mayo, Brazil: Four times a year, Adriana Villareal moves into her late husband's tomb for a few days, makes herself at home, cooks her meals, surfs the Web, etc. Agence France-Presse via Yahoo News
Cincinnati, Ohio: Charles Marshall, 28, was busted for the fourth time for having relations with a teddy bear in public. The Smoking Gun
Port St. Lucie, Fla.: It sounds like a joke, but Barbara Hall was arrested for smacking around her boyfriend after he brought olive oil to their coital bed (at her request). However, he had also brought PAM spray oil, provoking a question from Barbara and an unsolicited admission by the dude that, yes, in fact, he had had sex with a mutual friend named Pam. TCPalm.com (Stuart, Fla.)
Moscow: Too clever by half were the gay activists who asked for gay-pride festival permits for 2012, and, to embarrass the government, for each year for the next 100 years. The government (OK'd by a court in this story) then officially banned gay pride festivals 'til 2112. TV-Novasti (Moscow)
Salem, Ore.: She successfully scammed state tax officials out of $2.1m in "refunds," given to her on a debit card, but then blew her cover by requesting a replacement card on another account, causing officials to investigate. KATU-TV (Portland)
Again: Righteous Buddhists commandeered captive animals, took them to the great outdoors, and released them--a ritual that supposedly rebalances the Buddhists' karma. This time, it was 200-300 snakes in Hubei, China, and nearby villagers got all un-Buddhisty in their reactions. Daily Telegraph (London)
Again, and wrong for all kinds of reasons: Another gal, Miamian Paula Simonds, 44, aka model Lacey Wildd, is grossing out her six kids (two grown, two in high school) by her pursuit of top-five-in-the-world status in artificial boobage (currently, describing herself as an L-cup, enroute to a triple-M). World's Greatest Newspaper
Again: The most litigious person on the planet, Jonathan Lee Riches [NOTW M183, 10-10-2010] was released from prison on April 30th and appears to
Thanks to the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors.
Comments
vagina- Just an excuse to silence her during the debate on the pending abortion legislation. Do any of the horribly offended men involoved have HBO or Cinemax at home?
bear- I have heard the saying 'raped ape', but never 'raped teddy bear'!
PAM- That slippery slut!
refunds- It may be time for a "Defeat Snatched From The Jaws Of Victory" heading Chuck.
triple M- Perhaps the docs she approaches for the procedure could actually adhere to their oath to "First do no harm" and refuse to further mutilate the crazy woman.
Kardashians- Wonder how they will turn this into a reality show.
bear- I have heard the saying 'raped ape', but never 'raped teddy bear'!
PAM- That slippery slut!
refunds- It may be time for a "Defeat Snatched From The Jaws Of Victory" heading Chuck.
triple M- Perhaps the docs she approaches for the procedure could actually adhere to their oath to "First do no harm" and refuse to further mutilate the crazy woman.
Kardashians- Wonder how they will turn this into a reality show.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 06/17/12 at 10:48 PM
Father's Day Special "What's wrong with these men?", Chuck asks. Why, nothing! They seem to be working perfectly.
Vagina She was, obviously in the grips of hysteria when she used that word in public.
Charlie Marshal It looks like it could be incest! (go see)
un-Buddhisty Another learning session for my spell checker.
Megahooters She did need some help but why so much and, pray tell, why the botox lips? (2 more words for the spellchecker and it's only Monday DC!)
Vagina She was, obviously in the grips of hysteria when she used that word in public.
Charlie Marshal It looks like it could be incest! (go see)
un-Buddhisty Another learning session for my spell checker.
Megahooters She did need some help but why so much and, pray tell, why the botox lips? (2 more words for the spellchecker and it's only Monday DC!)
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 06/18/12 at 02:10 AM
Mr Litiagation: Now there's the poster child for the return of electroshock therapy. Why he hasn't been instituionalized already? Keeping him in a mental ward would be much cheaper than having to deal with all his crazy BS lawsuits and he is obviously disturbed.
Posted by Baughbe on 06/18/12 at 09:07 AM
Baughbe, maybe they could send him to the Judge Rotenburg Center. Although he may have a point. What if the Ks really are up to all kinds of mischief? And if he talks, maybe their stepdad will off him with a javelin.
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 06/18/12 at 10:27 AM
Hold on there Scottie! Any more excitement about/over/with the Kardashians and I may just be pushed over the brink and go mad with anticipation until the next episode. :cheese:
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 06/18/12 at 10:32 AM
So they don't like the word "vagina". Should we call it "down there" from now on? I'll make sure to tell my doctor. And edit all my medical books to reflect the "proper" terminology.
Posted by Anonypenguin on 06/18/12 at 11:36 AM
Expat, maybe you could compromise, and get a Kim teddy bear.
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 06/18/12 at 12:20 PM
"What's wrong with these women?"
Really? You're really going to blame the women for the fact that these men have produced children they can't support? Sure, the women played a part in their own pregnancies, and while we don't know the circumstances, I'll bet dollars to donuts it involed the men lying somehow ("don't worry, honey, I had a vasectomey!"). One woman is not responsible for another woman's pregnancy.
Really? You're really going to blame the women for the fact that these men have produced children they can't support? Sure, the women played a part in their own pregnancies, and while we don't know the circumstances, I'll bet dollars to donuts it involed the men lying somehow ("don't worry, honey, I had a vasectomey!"). One woman is not responsible for another woman's pregnancy.
Posted by Caroline on 06/19/12 at 01:31 PM
Commenting is not available in this channel entry.
Category: