News of the Weird 2.0 (June 21, 2012)

News of the Weird 2.0
(Almost) Daily, Since May 21, 2012

Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
June 21, 2012
(datelines from June 8 or later) (links correct as of June 21)

★ ★ ★ ★!

Yr Editor is supposed to be on top of bizarrities like this so it's perplexing and humbling to realize that I'm among the last to know: In Las Vegas, there's a man with 100 lbs. of scrotal junk, and he's walking around (gingerly, but still walking) The Las Vegas Review-Journal had this story last year (and again now), and I missed it. Sorry for letting you down. Las Vegas Review-Journal [Not Safe For Stomachs]

People Different From Us

Miami Beach: (He might be innocent; to apply justice, check out his mugshot.) Ronald Rolfes, 31, took furtive clothes-changing photos at the Hooters Int'l Swimsuit Pageant. (Bonus: [Cop: Why'd you do it, Ron?] Ron: "Man to man [i.e., just between us gents], I did it because I've never had a girlfriend.") Miami Herald

"U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"

Washington, D.C.: The economy . . hell in a handbasket. Federal marketing subsidy for a company that sells glittery styling spray for dogs . . government cash! The Examiner (Washington, D.C.)

Liberty County, Tex.: This is a place where a sheriff can raid a home with a judge-signed search warrant looking for the evidence of the 25-30 children that had murdered and buried in the yard--when the only thing even vaguely resembling "evidence" for the search warrant came from a psychic. Courthouse News

Funny Old World*

Bangkok: A demure, 23-year-old woman auditioning for "Thailand's Got Talent," turned and, back to the judges, removed her shirt, gooped paint on her chest, and made some "art" on a canvas. (Bonus: The female judge walked out hrrrumphing, but the two male judges passed the artist to the next round.) Daily Telegraph (London) [alas, Safe for Work]

We've had Christian pro wrestling in the South for years, where the equivalent of Good Ol' J.R. leads the crowd and the grapplers in prayer before the boys flip through their moves. Now in production, though, is a documentary, "Fight Church," with mixed martial arts guys trying to annihilate opponents like Jesus intended. Said a pastor: "Jesus was a fighter. That is the type of Jesus that I would want to serve." The Week

News of the Weird 1.0

Again: Mumbai, India, doctor Madan Kartaria developed "laughter" clubs of yoga enthusiasts, positing that sitting there giggling or guffawing improves one's qi. Now, the High Court in Mumbai, on complaint from one of the less-impressed, ordered a local club to tone down the "aural aggression" their less-happy neighbors are feeling. Daily Telegraph (London)

Update: Current stats from a New York City health agency found that 11 newborn males from years 2000-2011 got Herpes simplex from circumcision the combination circumcision-and-blow-job the way some mohelim do it. Centers for Disease Control

Your Daily Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . until the mug shot is released]:

Gibsonville, N.C.: No matter what you think, Scott Davenport has only been charged with suspicion of first-degree murder. WXII-TV (Winston-Salem, N.C.)

Ocala, Fla: (1) Which one of the 3 came up with the idea in the first place? (2) Which one took the dump? WESH-TV (Orlando)

Editor's Notes

It is my duty once again, as with every high-profile acquittal, to remind y'all that, notwithstanding the uber-sloppy media, "the jury" did not decide that Roger Clemens did not lie. The jury did not rule him "innocent." The jury only decided that the government failed to leap over the very high bar necessary to obtain a conviction. Whether he took banned substances remains a matter known only to two people (Clemens and the trainer-accuser). In this case, no one else in the world can know except for those two people. That all sports fans everywhere think they "know" is one of the many markers of the sad cognitive state in which we find ourselves. Thankya, thankyavermuch.

Thanks to the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors. (* stolen from Private Eye)

     Posted By: Chuck - Thu Jun 21, 2012

JD: #1 was obviously sleep-walking, Your Honor. #2: the one on the right is the mastermind, the one on the left is the stoner who pooped, and the one in the center was just along for the ride.

Videographer: gotta love dumb criminals.

Mohelim: I thought bodily fluids were ritually unclean. Buy a dental dam, ya pedo!

Unreasonable search: I hope they get every penny they're asking for - they deserve it. Betcha the searchers didn't fill the holes back in.
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 06/21/12 at 10:46 AM
Scrotum: Chuck, there was some discussion of Mr. Warren here last year, and yours truly took a little heat when I suggested that his story, while definitely weird, was not as humorous as some seemed to find it. However, my sympathy (unlike Mr. Warren's scrotum) is definitely dwindling after reading the the linked article.

Editor's Note: To the contrary -- thank YOU very much. As an attorney, I cringe every time I hear a reporter treat a "Not Guilty" verdict as a finding of innocence.
Posted by Frank H on 06/21/12 at 01:11 PM
100lb of Junk #1: The dude is worried about castration if he gets surgery. #2: UCLA Medical Center wants $1,000,000.00 to do the deed? Both of these are outrageous! #1 cause he ain't going to be makin' babies like he is and #2 $1,000,000, really?

Hooters Peeper Really, the cop HAD to ask?????

Liberty, TX Sockit, Toohem, and How 936-555-9999 (Just trying to be helpful)

Mohelim Ahhhhh, Baby's first blow-job. Did we get pictures?

Jury Duty 2 And the guy in the rear burned his draft card.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 06/21/12 at 01:25 PM
Liberty, Tx - Oh! Those wacky psychics! It sounds like the sheriff's department will believe anything that comes their way without doing a little legwork first. Who signed that warrant on such evidence?

I saw in the Mirror today a story about a British psychic who at least had some fun with his chosen profession. H was telling twenty-something women that in order to increase their spiritual / psychic abilities they would have to strip off. I would have paid to see that.

Jury Duty - The guy accused of murder looks like he needs another beer. Of the three vandals, I'd say the guy on the left is the mystery dumper - he has a look of relief on his face.
Posted by KDP on 06/21/12 at 03:50 PM
I had it first!
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 06/21/12 at 08:05 PM
What a great week! You are human, and have a life. No one expects you to know everything, or to be right 100% of the time. "Perfection" is a goal, not a destination. 😊
Posted by girlgeniusNYC on 06/21/12 at 10:27 PM
I just can't find the baby one amusing. Two of those babies died.
Posted by Anonypenguin on 06/22/12 at 10:00 AM
What babies?
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 06/22/12 at 10:51 AM
Expat, the ones with the pedo-mohel.
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 06/22/12 at 03:46 PM
Oh... the ones with the smiles on their faces. Got it.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 06/22/12 at 04:04 PM
Mohel: Why in the world can abuse and crimes be protected by 'religious' cover? Anyone who participated in this, the Mohel, the parents and family and anybody who helps out such a practice should be behind bars for the rest of their lives. And if needed, sterilized so they cannot do again what they had already done. The religion doesn't matter, the crime does.
Posted by Baughbe on 06/23/12 at 12:57 PM
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