News of the Weird 2.0 (May 24, 2012)
News of the Weird 2.0
(Almost) Daily, Since May 21, 2012
Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
May 24, 2012
(datelines from May 21 or later) (links correct as of May 24)
★ ★ ★ ★!
Enforcement will will be a bear, but Beijing's new municipal clean-restroom regulation is at least precise: Public toilets are permitted only one housefly per stall. Say, three stalls, four flies, violation! Beijing Evening News via China Daily
Weird People
Brit Gary Connery wanted to survive his jump out of a plane without a parachute (2,400 feet, landing on setup of cardboard boxes). On the other hand, a suicider, in his 30s, was looking for a Fail going over Niagara's Horseshoe Falls (150 ft drop). Connery was overjoyed; the suicider was probably pissed and/or further distraught as he waded ashore (the third person to make it without safety gear). Daily Telegraph (London) /// Associated Press via Chronicle Herald (Halifax, Nova Scotia)
Challenging Career Fields: Justin Schmidt, a U. of Arizona entomologist, decided at some point to study bugs full-time and then that he could best serve science by letting insects bite him, on purpose, and then describing how much it hurt (Meh / Ow, Jeez! / Owwww, Hey! / Owwww, Motherfu--!). Hence, the Schmidt Sting Pain Index. World's Greatest Newspaper /// Schmidt Pain Index
"U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"
USA Today helpfully calculated the federal deficit based on real rules and not the make-believe, low-ball ones Congress uses. For 2011, it meant we owed almost 4x what Congress said ($5 trillion instead of $1.3 trillion). Congress of course doesn't think it "owes" the money because, presto!, it always has the power to change the law. (Bonus: Our Chinese creditors have bought into this reasoning. LOL!) USA Today
Cleveland: John Davis, exiting Interstate 90, handed a couple of bucks to a wheelchaired beggar, who fumbled it, then picked it up. A cop, following Davis's car, stopped him a block or two later and ticketed him for . . littering. (Well, he coulda been ticketed for feeding a panhandler too close to the Interstate . . but he wasn't.) WJW-TV (Cleveland)
Funny Old World*
The Mafia hardly appears more efficient than the rhesus monkeys of India. They work in teams to intimidate, distract, and rob passersby of food, and so many people feed them voluntarily that the shakedowns are now almost impossible to stop--at least without causing grief to devout Hindus. New York Times
Your Daily Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . until the mug shot is released]:
Houston: Edward Montgomery was charged with punching a police dog in the face (and perhaps will be charged with robbing an Advanced Auto Shop), but I envision a defense! KPRC-TV (Houston)
Thanks to Mike Wolcott and Tim Allen, and the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors. (* stolen from Private Eye; [Chuck's editor: Stolen? You're better than that.] [Chuck: I'm not.])
(Almost) Daily, Since May 21, 2012
Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
May 24, 2012
(datelines from May 21 or later) (links correct as of May 24)
★ ★ ★ ★!
Enforcement will will be a bear, but Beijing's new municipal clean-restroom regulation is at least precise: Public toilets are permitted only one housefly per stall. Say, three stalls, four flies, violation! Beijing Evening News via China Daily
Weird People
Brit Gary Connery wanted to survive his jump out of a plane without a parachute (2,400 feet, landing on setup of cardboard boxes). On the other hand, a suicider, in his 30s, was looking for a Fail going over Niagara's Horseshoe Falls (150 ft drop). Connery was overjoyed; the suicider was probably pissed and/or further distraught as he waded ashore (the third person to make it without safety gear). Daily Telegraph (London) /// Associated Press via Chronicle Herald (Halifax, Nova Scotia)
Challenging Career Fields: Justin Schmidt, a U. of Arizona entomologist, decided at some point to study bugs full-time and then that he could best serve science by letting insects bite him, on purpose, and then describing how much it hurt (Meh / Ow, Jeez! / Owwww, Hey! / Owwww, Motherfu--!). Hence, the Schmidt Sting Pain Index. World's Greatest Newspaper /// Schmidt Pain Index
"U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"
USA Today helpfully calculated the federal deficit based on real rules and not the make-believe, low-ball ones Congress uses. For 2011, it meant we owed almost 4x what Congress said ($5 trillion instead of $1.3 trillion). Congress of course doesn't think it "owes" the money because, presto!, it always has the power to change the law. (Bonus: Our Chinese creditors have bought into this reasoning. LOL!) USA Today
Cleveland: John Davis, exiting Interstate 90, handed a couple of bucks to a wheelchaired beggar, who fumbled it, then picked it up. A cop, following Davis's car, stopped him a block or two later and ticketed him for . . littering. (Well, he coulda been ticketed for feeding a panhandler too close to the Interstate . . but he wasn't.) WJW-TV (Cleveland)
Funny Old World*
The Mafia hardly appears more efficient than the rhesus monkeys of India. They work in teams to intimidate, distract, and rob passersby of food, and so many people feed them voluntarily that the shakedowns are now almost impossible to stop--at least without causing grief to devout Hindus. New York Times
Your Daily Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . until the mug shot is released]:
Houston: Edward Montgomery was charged with punching a police dog in the face (and perhaps will be charged with robbing an Advanced Auto Shop), but I envision a defense! KPRC-TV (Houston)
Thanks to Mike Wolcott and Tim Allen, and the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors. (* stolen from Private Eye; [Chuck's editor: Stolen? You're better than that.] [Chuck: I'm not.])
Comments
Littering Story: His offense was listed as, “Throw paper out window,” and in parenthesis, “money to panhandler.” - The cop obviously knows nothing about what makes a bill of U.S. currency. It is made of linen, not paper. Case dismissed.
Posted by KDP on 05/24/12 at 09:59 AM
KDP -- ah, but it's still paper! Linen paper is a real thing. It's tougher but more expensive than woodpulp paper.
Regarding the suicide -- he may not have been pissed about failing. Hard to say; probably depends on whether he'd been planning it or not. I once read a haunting article interviewing a woman who attempted suicide off the High Bridge in St Paul, MN. She survived the plunge, but was seriously injured. She said that the moment she jumped, she immediately regretted it; it had been an impulsive act brought on by severe depression, not something she thought through. But of course once you're over the rail, it's Newton in control. She landed on rocks, but amazingly survived with only broken bones. A tugboat operator on the river spotted her and called the authorities, who rescued her and took her to the hospital.
Regarding the suicide -- he may not have been pissed about failing. Hard to say; probably depends on whether he'd been planning it or not. I once read a haunting article interviewing a woman who attempted suicide off the High Bridge in St Paul, MN. She survived the plunge, but was seriously injured. She said that the moment she jumped, she immediately regretted it; it had been an impulsive act brought on by severe depression, not something she thought through. But of course once you're over the rail, it's Newton in control. She landed on rocks, but amazingly survived with only broken bones. A tugboat operator on the river spotted her and called the authorities, who rescued her and took her to the hospital.
Posted by Calli Arcale on 05/24/12 at 12:42 PM
THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF WEIRDNESS
No Chute Why jump out of a perfectly good airplane? v2.0
Bugologist He's gone buggy! v2.0
Gov. Accounting Anywhere else and it's either bad math or creative bookkeeping.
Litter Bug End of the month; time to make up your quota.
Jury Duty :ahhh:
No Chute Why jump out of a perfectly good airplane? v2.0
Bugologist He's gone buggy! v2.0
Gov. Accounting Anywhere else and it's either bad math or creative bookkeeping.
Litter Bug End of the month; time to make up your quota.
Jury Duty :ahhh:
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 05/24/12 at 12:44 PM
Calli, I will argue that most people don't think often about the everyday items that they use and how they are made. If you stopped ten people on the street and asked them "How is a dollar bill manufactured?" I'd bet all ten would start with, "You take some paper..." If you then ask what type of paper, they probably would say, "Paper is paper." The argument should hammer on the point that linen is the main ingredient and not wood pulp which is what most have in mind when referring to "paper". Many court cases have been dismissed on the smallest points.
Posted by KDP on 05/24/12 at 01:00 PM
Let's just shoot the cop and call it even. :lol:
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 05/24/12 at 01:05 PM
This is just a Thank You for your great posts!
Posted by BMN on 05/24/12 at 01:13 PM
JD: Yeah, I'm with ExPat, only more so. If there's ever a lineup, this guy's screwed.
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 05/24/12 at 06:19 PM
Awesome weirdness!
My 2 cents -- "littering" means throwing trash on the ground. A cigarette butt, a candy wrapper, a soda can -- if thrown on the ground (not in the trash) probably means "littering".
Had no idea Beijing was so clean! (um, well....)
😊
My 2 cents -- "littering" means throwing trash on the ground. A cigarette butt, a candy wrapper, a soda can -- if thrown on the ground (not in the trash) probably means "littering".
Had no idea Beijing was so clean! (um, well....)
😊
Posted by girlgeniusNYC on 05/24/12 at 11:38 PM
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