News of the Weird 2.0 (May 30, 2012)

News of the Weird 2.0
(Almost) Daily, Since May 21, 2012

Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
May 30, 2012
(datelines from May 26 or later) (links correct as of May 30)

★ ★ ★ ★!

In a incident not weird at all but bound to vibrate Christopher Walken fans, Jim Schweickert drove from his home in Walnut, Calif., to Albany, N.Y., to give Frank Cook his gold watch back. Schweickert and Cook had met briefly in the Vietnam War, and Cook had given Schweickert his watch for safekeeping. Schweickert was so despondent after the war that he ignored his Vietnam belongings for a long time but has since done an amazing bit of detective work to find the near-stranger who had given him the watch. (No evidence that the watch had ever been safekept as in "Pulp Fiction.") Albany Times Union

Challenged People

Low-Tech: Zachariah Garrett, 17, is the most recent street thief to snatch a cell phone, get chased by cops, but make a poor choice of hideout (inside a Dumpster) when he's busted for his unfamiliarity with the "ringer" setting on the phone. /// And don't even wonder whether this iPhone thief knows about Apple's iCloud, that sends the victim all of the photos the thief has been taking. Athens Banner-Herald ///

"U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"

Idaho liquor regulators rejected selling Ogden's Own Distillery's "Five Wives Vodka" at state liquor stores because it might insult Mormons in Idaho (about 1/4 of the population), even though Ogden, of course, is in Utah. The label has five women fixing their skirts. Associated Press via

News of the Weird 1.0

Again: Snake-handling pastor Mack Wolford, 44, of the Church of the Lord Jesus in Matoaka, W.Va., died Sunday of a rattlesnake bite. The Washington Post Magazine had profiled him in November. He's going to hell, according to Mark 16:17-18, where he'll run into his dad, who died of a bite in 1983. Mack: "Praise the Lord and pass the rattlesnakes, brother." Washington Post /// Washington Post Magazine

Your Daily Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . until the mug shot is released]:

Jersey City, N.J.: Patrick Homer, 49, was arrested on weapons charges after a street fight with another man, but it may look like Muslim-profiling. (Bonus: or profiling the disabled!) The Jersey Journal

This one isn't fair because Roger Berget is already dead. He was guilty. You're supposed to wonder if the jury made a mistake. (The news story is of his brother Rodney, who has been sentenced to death, in South Dakota, 12 years after Roger was executed in Oklahoma.) USA Today

Editor's Notes

Yeah, I know there was an incident over the weekend in Miami, but I can't write about it. I do "underreported" news. The naked man high on drugs who was eating the face off another naked man (the "zombie apocalypse" is here!) has not been underreported. But way up the state in Palm Coast, Angel Roman, 28, was arrested on suspicion of strangling one cat and biting the lips off another cat. WKMG-TV (Orlando)

Thanks to Peter Smagorinsky and Sandy Pearlman, and the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors. (* stolen from Private Eye)

     Posted By: Chuck - Wed May 30, 2012

5 Wives: What makes it really silly is that they allow Polygamy Porter ("Why have just one?"). Someone said they ought to claim it's the 5 wives of the 5 burger guys.

In the spirit of The American Way, you can by Free the 5 Wives T-shirts from the distillery at
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 05/30/12 at 11:35 AM
I thought this section had been discontinued? I am happy to see it and hope it continues to run!
Posted by Miles on 05/30/12 at 12:17 PM
Jury Duty: The Jersey City victim should be glad the Horner's colostomy bag wasn't used instead of the toy gun.

And the tale of the two condemned brothers just didn't pull at my heart strings as the slanted story intended. You shake hands with the Devil, you get burned.
Posted by KDP on 05/30/12 at 12:33 PM
Vietnam Vets Things like this is why I'd support a mandatory military stent for EVERYONE! 2yrs or so should do it.

5 Wives Booze Out of control PC is getting ridiculouser and ridiculouser.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 05/30/12 at 01:10 PM
Ours will be the first Nation to be torn apart while wringing our hands worrying if we might have offended some fooqua.
Posted by Todd on 05/30/12 at 02:35 PM
Todd, we've got some catching up to do in that regard: the UK is streets ahead of us.
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 05/30/12 at 05:41 PM
Snake-handling pastor

...and the gene pool just got a bit more spacious!
Posted by agentj on 05/30/12 at 07:26 PM
Watch returned- A beautiful story of honor and perseverance.

smart phones- Smart phones are smarter than dumb thieves now.

5 wives- Just stick a sticker on each bottle that says '& 5 husbands' for the bottles shipped to Idaho.

snakes 2 pastors 0

kittens- OMG shoot the bastard. Poor little kitties.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 05/30/12 at 09:22 PM
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