News of the Weird 2.0 (October 28, 2013)
News of the Weird 2.0
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule
Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
October 28, 2013
(datelines October 19-October 26) (links correct as of October 25)
The State Dept.’s just rope-a-dopin’ us now.It couldn’t be true. The Special Inspector Gen’l in Afghanistan found a $300k contract for, um, 600 gallons of diesel. They’re just messin’ with us. ToloNews.com (Kabul)
Worried about Pacific garbage? Relax. Turns out 267 marine species eat plastic. But wait--a decent society should be concerned about the health of barnacle critters, too. And wait--they eat it, but they turn around and poop the plastic back into the ocean, anyway. Mother Nature Network
American Exceptionalism (cont’d): We’re so exceptional that, among nearly our two dozen developed peers in the prominent OECD student rankings, we’re, umm, 2nd to last (literacy), last (numeracy), and last (problem-solving). USA! USA! New Yorker
Ven-e-zuela! Ven-e-zuela! El nuevo presidente declared he was setting up the Ministry of Supreme Social Happiness, to co-ordinate programs. A street vendor told the Associated Press he’d reserve judgment to see if a ministry of beer comes along. Associated Press via Washington Post
The number of Americans living in households that receive at least one income-sensitive gov’t payment now exceeds the number of Americans with full-time jobs. Yr Ed doesn’t know precisely how to feel about this except that it sounds bad. CNS News
More Things to Worry About
People Different From Us includes this guy, Chris Guest [ed., no, not THE Christ Guest], who’s living completely off the electric grid for 3 yrs now just because the utility charged him about $110 that he doesn’t feel like paying. That’ll teach the company! /// This family thinks its loved one will not rest easily unless his gravestone is, umm, SpongeBob SquarePants. /// You’d think a 10-passenger plane ferrying skydivers to an exhibition, and crashing, would have 10 survivors. /// You mean, there were no better ideas? To set a Guinness Book record, 21 people set themselves on fire (with protective suits, but still--) World’s Greatest Newspaper /// Time /// CNN /// USA Today
How embarrassing! A moose hunter in Norway missed, but the shot penetrated an outhouse wall and hit a reader. And in Port Richey, Fla., a suicide bullet finished Job One but then sought out a bystander, too. /// Brought a stun gun to a .38 gunfight. /// Walter Serpit (“[M]yself, being an alcoholic”) braved the house fire in Columbus, Ga., to rescue “several” cans of beer. /// Worse Sex Life Than You: Curtis Hutchings, Belleville, Ill. Sky.com (London) /// Tampa Bay Times /// WSAZ-TV (Huntington, W.Va.) /// WTVM-TV (Columbus, Ga.) /// Belleville News Democrat
Buried Ledes
Two black New York City shoppers told WCBS-TV they wanted Jay-Z to intervene with the retailer Barneys to stop the hassling by suspicious store clerks. (Buried Lede: A shopper who can afford a $2,500 handbag feels all oppressed.) WCBS-TV
Moo Moo the New Zealand kitty cat survived a crossbow shot directly to the skull but has apparently made a complete recovery. (Buried Lede: Veterinarians sound like they can actually tell whether Moo Moo had suffered “brain” damage.) Stuff.co.nz
Weekly Cite-Seeing (aka “Time Wasters”)
“The Joker” was under arrest. The Smoking Gun
Here’s how you protest the gov’t, with the purple finger of fate. BBC News
Advice: Rev. Pat Robertson says, if your son’s deaf, you’re doing something wrong (but he’s not sure what). YouTube
Sometimes, life’s gotcha by the balls. The French bank Caisse d’Epargne’s cutting-edge ad campaign is on it. The Local (Paris)
Your Weekly Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . . until the mug shot is released]
Double trouble for Devin Jones, 24, of Chicago. He’s so-o-o-o cute, plus he’s up for child porn. He says he “may have a problem.” [ed. Oh, he’s gon’ have a problem, all right, in lockup.] WLS Radio (Chicago)
Newsrangers: Harry Thompson and Gerald Davidson and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule
Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
October 28, 2013
(datelines October 19-October 26) (links correct as of October 25)
The State Dept.’s just rope-a-dopin’ us now.
Worried about Pacific garbage? Relax. Turns out 267 marine species eat plastic. But wait--a decent society should be concerned about the health of barnacle critters, too. And wait--they eat it, but they turn around and poop the plastic back into the ocean, anyway. Mother Nature Network
American Exceptionalism (cont’d): We’re so exceptional that, among nearly our two dozen developed peers in the prominent OECD student rankings, we’re, umm, 2nd to last (literacy), last (numeracy), and last (problem-solving). USA! USA! New Yorker
Ven-e-zuela! Ven-e-zuela! El nuevo presidente declared he was setting up the Ministry of Supreme Social Happiness, to co-ordinate programs. A street vendor told the Associated Press he’d reserve judgment to see if a ministry of beer comes along. Associated Press via Washington Post
The number of Americans living in households that receive at least one income-sensitive gov’t payment now exceeds the number of Americans with full-time jobs. Yr Ed doesn’t know precisely how to feel about this except that it sounds bad. CNS News
More Things to Worry About
People Different From Us includes this guy, Chris Guest [ed., no, not THE Christ Guest], who’s living completely off the electric grid for 3 yrs now just because the utility charged him about $110 that he doesn’t feel like paying. That’ll teach the company! /// This family thinks its loved one will not rest easily unless his gravestone is, umm, SpongeBob SquarePants. /// You’d think a 10-passenger plane ferrying skydivers to an exhibition, and crashing, would have 10 survivors. /// You mean, there were no better ideas? To set a Guinness Book record, 21 people set themselves on fire (with protective suits, but still--) World’s Greatest Newspaper /// Time /// CNN /// USA Today
How embarrassing! A moose hunter in Norway missed, but the shot penetrated an outhouse wall and hit a reader. And in Port Richey, Fla., a suicide bullet finished Job One but then sought out a bystander, too. /// Brought a stun gun to a .38 gunfight. /// Walter Serpit (“[M]yself, being an alcoholic”) braved the house fire in Columbus, Ga., to rescue “several” cans of beer. /// Worse Sex Life Than You: Curtis Hutchings, Belleville, Ill. Sky.com (London) /// Tampa Bay Times /// WSAZ-TV (Huntington, W.Va.) /// WTVM-TV (Columbus, Ga.) /// Belleville News Democrat
Buried Ledes
Two black New York City shoppers told WCBS-TV they wanted Jay-Z to intervene with the retailer Barneys to stop the hassling by suspicious store clerks. (Buried Lede: A shopper who can afford a $2,500 handbag feels all oppressed.) WCBS-TV
Moo Moo the New Zealand kitty cat survived a crossbow shot directly to the skull but has apparently made a complete recovery. (Buried Lede: Veterinarians sound like they can actually tell whether Moo Moo had suffered “brain” damage.) Stuff.co.nz
Weekly Cite-Seeing (aka “Time Wasters”)
“The Joker” was under arrest. The Smoking Gun
Here’s how you protest the gov’t, with the purple finger of fate. BBC News
Advice: Rev. Pat Robertson says, if your son’s deaf, you’re doing something wrong (but he’s not sure what). YouTube
Sometimes, life’s gotcha by the balls. The French bank Caisse d’Epargne’s cutting-edge ad campaign is on it. The Local (Paris)
Your Weekly Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . . until the mug shot is released]
Double trouble for Devin Jones, 24, of Chicago. He’s so-o-o-o cute, plus he’s up for child porn. He says he “may have a problem.” [ed. Oh, he’s gon’ have a problem, all right, in lockup.] WLS Radio (Chicago)
Newsrangers: Harry Thompson and Gerald Davidson and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
Comments
$300k contract But the US doesn't deal in bribery.
American Exceptionalism I've been screaming about "The Dumbing Down of America" for over 20 years! So the 'smart' people finally caught on too?
Living on the Dole Go ahead and vote in another @$#@#$@ socialist and watch those numbers rise!
Barneys Fear not, shoppers, Al (The Racist) Sharpton is on the case!
Moo Moo the Cat Almost made it to "Good Cat".
Rev. Pat Robertson Obviously, he's not being heard when he's telling you to SEND MORE MONEY! Yea God!
Jury Duty 💋
American Exceptionalism I've been screaming about "The Dumbing Down of America" for over 20 years! So the 'smart' people finally caught on too?
Living on the Dole Go ahead and vote in another @$#@#$@ socialist and watch those numbers rise!
Barneys Fear not, shoppers, Al (The Racist) Sharpton is on the case!
Moo Moo the Cat Almost made it to "Good Cat".
Rev. Pat Robertson Obviously, he's not being heard when he's telling you to SEND MORE MONEY! Yea God!
Jury Duty 💋
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 10/28/13 at 11:08 AM
Where is MY #$&*@!$ Gov't Check !!!
Posted by BrokeDad in Midwest US on 10/28/13 at 04:09 PM
You gotta love the French!
A squirrel is the logo for that "savings bank" because squirrels save food for the winter.
So the ad was in extremely bad taste. Kind of like torturing the Geico gecko to show "accidents can happen to anyone".
Thanks Chuck for a great week!
A squirrel is the logo for that "savings bank" because squirrels save food for the winter.
So the ad was in extremely bad taste. Kind of like torturing the Geico gecko to show "accidents can happen to anyone".
Thanks Chuck for a great week!
Posted by girlgeniusNYC on 10/28/13 at 05:34 PM
diesel- Moving on from toilet seats and hammers I see.
plastic- Its like Carlin (RIP) said, (paraphrasing here) We are foolish to think we can destroy earth, she has survived worse than us. If plastic does not blend in with the earth then she will just create a new paradym, the earth plus plastic. Maybe that is why we are here, to create plastic because the earth wants it for herself.
education- We are beginning to lag in many things, I fear our time as a superpower is nearing its end. Kinda like Great Britan's did.
suicide bullet- Its a twofer!
save the beer!- Good man! Gotta know what's important in life ya know!
As far as the welfare story, gotta watch out, some people around here consider that hate speech.
plastic- Its like Carlin (RIP) said, (paraphrasing here) We are foolish to think we can destroy earth, she has survived worse than us. If plastic does not blend in with the earth then she will just create a new paradym, the earth plus plastic. Maybe that is why we are here, to create plastic because the earth wants it for herself.
education- We are beginning to lag in many things, I fear our time as a superpower is nearing its end. Kinda like Great Britan's did.
suicide bullet- Its a twofer!
save the beer!- Good man! Gotta know what's important in life ya know!
As far as the welfare story, gotta watch out, some people around here consider that hate speech.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 10/28/13 at 07:25 PM
Benefits: does that include child benefits? It would over here. If so, that makes the numbers sound a lot less scary, doesn't it? (And if we're to take the phrasing literally, "people living in households" would also include people who couldn't possibly hold a job, such as 3-year-olds...)
Skydiver crash: sadly, it has turned out that the plane had had problems before, but this was ignored.
Pat Robertson: is doing Christianity wrong. Bleedin' Simonist.
Skydiver crash: sadly, it has turned out that the plane had had problems before, but this was ignored.
Pat Robertson: is doing Christianity wrong. Bleedin' Simonist.
Posted by Richard Bos on 10/29/13 at 01:47 PM
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