[News[ Things to Worry About Today

A judge in Edwardsville, Ill., ruled that Charles Douglas was using his right to free (though creepy) speech when he asked parents in a city park if he could go tickle their little urchins (because he is a "Tickle Monster"). Associated Press via WBBM-TV (Chicago)

The headmaster of the anciently prestigious Boston Latin High School felt it necessary to issue a public denial . . no vampires in the school, no one has been bitten. WCVB-TV (Boston)

Parallel Universe: Apparently you've had your choice the last few days in Oakland, Calif. You could attend the memorial services honoring the four cops gunned down Saturday by Lovelle Mixon, or you could attend the memorial service honoring Lovelle Mixon. Associated Press via KOVR-TV (Sacramento)

Update: District of Columbia Councilman Marion Barry's phobia about filing tax returns has put him at least $277k behind to the federal gov't, plus unspecified amounts to the D.C. gov't, and the U.S. Attorney wants to send Barry and his brand-new kidney to prison because he's twice violated his probation by failing to file. Washington Post

Your Daily Loser
Catch me once on camera stealing stuff out of a police bait car: shame on me. Let me go and then catch me again on camera stealing stuff out of another police bait car: well, shame, shame, double shame, everybody knows my name: Dean Hancock, 29, Bristol, England Daily Telegraph [LINK CORRECTED]

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
You wouldn't expect to find Elvis Crespo in this space, but the 37-yr-old Grammy-winning Puerto Rican singer was the subject of an airline passenger complaint that he was openly diddling himself on a flight into Miami yesterday. Associated Press via Houston Chronicle

     Posted By: Chuck - Fri Mar 27, 2009

Tickle Monster Not enough info here. The gut reaction is to condemn this guy for a pedophile buy maybe he's just a good guy who enjoys kids. Is that an impossibility in this day and age?

Vampires Who's he trying to kid here? Only vampires are old enough to know Latin as a 1st language and would need to be tested in it.

Memorial Service I'll take the cops' side on this one. Thank you very much!

Marion Barry Nothing weird here anymore Chuck. Not been watching the Obama appointments?

Dean Hancock Practice, practice, practice. Pretty soon now he's going to get <strike>the hang of it</strike> hung for it.

Mile high wackoff club I don't remember doing that. Of course not you MALAKA**! A hand-job just ain't that memorable!

** Greek lesson for today, kiddies: ΜΑΛΑΚΑ (n) jackoff
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 03/27/09 at 10:41 AM
"Tickle Monster"

Yikes! My kids (8 yrs. and 9 yrs.) still refer to me as the "Tickle Monster". While I do tickle my kids incessantly, I would never tickle someone else's kid, especially if they were strangers in a park. WTF!
Posted by Madd Maxx on 03/27/09 at 01:21 PM
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
What if you talk the girl sitting next to you to do it for you? You know...cause flying makes you really tense and edgy. 😏
Posted by Madd Maxx on 03/27/09 at 01:45 PM
no vampires in the school
You know he just had to feel like an ass to have to come out and make a comment like that.
Posted by Madd Maxx on 03/27/09 at 01:49 PM
Marion Barry
Wait! He just got a kidney transplant? At 72? And wasn't he the one caught on film smoking crack with a hooker in a hotel room?
Posted by Madd Maxx on 03/27/09 at 01:53 PM
Yes, Madd Maxx, one in the same. I lived in DC when that all went down - Barry was a joke then and he still is. I just can't believe the people in that city keep voting for him.
Posted by vegas_girl in Vegas Baby!! on 03/27/09 at 04:55 PM
Ok, I'll bite... who is Elvis Crespo?
Posted by Nethie on 03/28/09 at 08:13 PM
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